Starting out :)

[sarabere1984]

Hello! I am new to this group, as well as to the ADD/ADHD diagnosis. My fiance has this disorder and it affects our relationship. MY behavior in response to his behavior also really affects our relationship. I'm looking for anyone to connect with who has experience, or any resources/books for people to learn on where to get started- for him and me (me mostly). TIA!

[MsPop]

I bet it is tough! I have ADD and would hate to date myself! I just sent my partner two articles that she found really helpful. We are having issues are a result of my ADD and she said that these articles were really helpful, especially the second one.

lifehack.org/articles/lifes...

helpguide.org/articles/add-...

[sarabere1984 in reply to MsPop]

Thank you so much!!!

[Alansees-Alandoes]

Hello Sarabere! I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Just know you are already on the right track. I had a very tumultuous relationship with my Ex. She had untreated anxiety issues and i have untreated ADHD issues that have brought upon panic episodes over the last 4 years. We loved each other greatly but the pain we caused always left wounds behind that rarely have time to heal before we pushed each other in a bad direction again. I am feeling so lost without her now and empty that it is the only thing capable of getting my attention enough to focus on getting better with my ADHD. Just know that getting to this forum and asking these questions for help is a huge step in the right direction for both of you. I would share this experience with him as well and see if he can find help through understanding and companionship that comes with knowing this happens so often in Nuerodiverse relationships. Just know that is he is anything like me he would do anything to stop him self if he could see it from the third person. And that is something that a couple did that had great success. Video tape or have a full time camera running at home and review what you both said. There will be a lot of shame and pain at first, but it will start bridging the lost connection between the actions at the moment and the effects they have in the future.

[sarabere1984 in reply to Alansees-Alandoes]

Thank you so much! This response helps me feel so seen and heard. It also provides a good perspective for me, which is always helpful. I often times feel lost in the weeds of knowing what’s going on with him, how to handle it, and how to keep myself sane too.

Thank you!

[Alansees-Alandoes in reply to sarabere1984]

Hang in there and keep using resources. Sometimes having people to share with helps the resentment feel less powerful and the feelings less personal. All that will help you get to the points of progress which come with time.

[TrentThomas17]

Read The ADHD Effect On Marriage. Hugely helpful. Communication is obviously key to any successful relationship. But when one person has adhd and the other does not, the communication isn’t harder - it’s just different. The key to success is knowing how to communicate differently. With mutual love and respect it CAN be achieved. I wish you both the best!

[sarabere1984 in reply to TrentThomas17]

THANK YOU! I will get this book!

[Frog77]

I listened to this book as well and it was SPOT ON!!!! worth a read/listen!!!!