Is it wrong to feel like this?

[Ri94]

Im new to this life has been very hard, but intensified over the last 5 years. This past year my partner watched an episode of family guy talking about ADD. we spoke about it and it all adds up. How i struggle checks all the boxes and if i think back it has done all of my life. I always felt i was different but never understood why. I have an older brother who had ADHD who was always loud and in trouble, yet i was always quiet and got on with things as well as i could. Now im scared about being diagnosed but i dont know why. Is it wrong for me to feel a little anger even towards my parents? im 26 with two children and just feel that they cared more about my brother and never notice me and how i was struggling they just use to say i was lazy or werent trying hard enough.

[Snowsunli]

Parents are imperfect....this probably had more to do with the “squeaky wheel gets the oil “ issue. Sounds like your sibling was a handful! Also not sure if you are male or female, but girls without behaviour problems are often undiagnosed.

I can’t talk to my dad about this...last time I brought it up i paused part way through he convo and blurted out “ Do you even believe in ADD?” He said no..... “I believe people fall into patterns of procrastination”. Memories of being called lazy and disorganized as a child....

We can’t talk to Non supporters about this, it’s too painful!

Maybe since your parents already have a child with adhd, they would be open to it having different sub sets, they could potentially be real support. If not, protect yourself. Find people who can be there for you!

Best of luck!!!

[Shnookie in reply to Snowsunli]

Understandable that R mad 😠 at your parents about how they treated U re your

ADD. Right now U should concentrate on

your selfcare. Besides U R your young

children need the best parent possible.

Please contact SAMSA

800-662-4357 - they have mental health

resources for groups and people U can talk to re mental issues. There is also

NAMI - National mental health hotline

I live in CA and use the Orange County

office - 714-991-6412. They Igor be able to point U to a NAMI in your area

Good luck Shnookie

[Shirleytaps]

Hi Ri94. I'm sorry you're facing this disappointment and grief. It's natural to feel angry but mostly finding purpose and being patient can help you to chip away at solutions that ADD has caused for you. Good luck!

[Its18]

Ri94,

It is completely understandable to be angry, confused and frustrated. I was and at times still am. I was 3 of 4 siblings and to some degree felt neglected. My mom once said to my wife that I was her favorite because I didn’t really need anything. So I’m not sure if was which came first the chicken or the egg for me. Did I not need anything or just not get what I needed. Which I ended up with a feeling like I was a burden if I needed or wanted anything . My issues were generally brushed off a just being a boy and that how boys are. I wasn’t diagnosed until about 40. I have 3 children(with my youngest being on the spectrum)now and at 26 I had two like you. I feel that if I was diagnosed earlier I may of been able to better manage the challenges that I would be faced with my growing family. For me being unable to properly manage all of the wants, needs, expectations and demands I began to shut down mostly emotionally. With me shutting down it was challenging for all the people I loved, cared for and tried to support. I hope you are able to move forward successfully. Good luck.

[Emerald-Eyes]

Please never doubt your feeling as wrong. It’s you bodies naturally reaction to your personal experience whatever it may be. I’m sorry you weren’t listened to respectfully. It’s so unfair when parents put their effects so lopsidedly, and you getting the brunt of that. Now you’ve been put in a position to grieve that loss, even though its unfair.

I was actually diagnosed early, but was just told I had legitimate learning difficulties. They refused to tell me my official diagnosis. They wanted it to be a secret and didn’t want me on meds even as an adult. When I ran across the book Women with Attention Deficit it kind of “jumped off the self to me” internally. I do have the Inattentive type. I then got rediagosed at 50. I search practically my whole life. Inattentives are less recognized with the general public, especially males even more. I found a book called Out of the Fog that describes both types, about the difference.

Know that you really are just as valuable and just as needful of understanding your brain as your siblings. Know it’s normal to grieve your feelings however you need to about feeling shamed or whatever may come up, and from not understanding. We get it here on this site. Your parents may still not “get it.” Whether you choose to be diagnosed or not your always welcome. You need to be diagnosis to try meds unless you have a GP who is willing without going through testing first.

[Savicat]

Innattentive ADD often went undiagnosed, and still often does. I think I often felt neglected too, bec I didn't cause trouble...

I also felt a little anxious about getting diagnosed. It's like admitting something is wrong with you. (well.. There's kinda something wrong with all of us! Lol). I think it's best to let go of anger over the past; it's unproductive. Therapy can help. Instead, focus on being the best You, that you can be!

I've been in therapy to work through a lot of past trauma and it has been sooo helpful.

Wishing you the best and so glad you are part of this community! 💓

[Ri94]

Thank you all so much for replying. It really means a lot to know I'm not on my own and that there are people who really understand how im feeling.

I definitely agree about being told I was the favourite because I never asked or wanted anything. But deep down I never knew what it was that I needed because growing up how I felt and thought was all I knew.

So thank you all your comments have helped me understand that I may not be that norm like everyone else but I am my own normal. I think my biggest thing is learning to accept it, being a mum to two girls and trying to be a role model with ADD is hard because I want them to be the best they can be.

❤️❤️

[Emerald-Eyes]

Note: I’ve updated the above response.