Difficult making decisions, “boring”, and not “adventurous”

[Its18]

Does anyone else have issue with difficulty making decisions which leads to being boring and not adventurous? I think for me it’s a combination of things. For me I know it’s usually one or all of the these, finances, not a “plan” and rejection. I am generally pretty good at going with the flow if there is a plan or my wife is making decisions. As you can imagine my wife’s expectations of me making changes and trying to be better are high. Because, she it tired of having to make decisions all the time. A simple do you want to go with me to drop the kids off and maybe grab a coffee turns into an argument and your boring and don’t want to do anything ever. In this case she was expecting this big adventure and I wasn’t. For me not having a plan is hard. To just drive and see what happens is challenging because it just seem to make no sense, then add in me being expected to make a decision, disastrous. I definitely don’t want to make a wrong or bad decision. Wether choosing a place where my wife can’t eat anything because of dietary restrictions or a feeling of wasting money( or really shouldn’t be spending any one). As I get a grasp on my adhd and symptoms and my wife’s many years of frustrations with me, promising to make changes, it hard especially because I think I’m trying. I pretty sure she would love for all the changes to happen overnight and last forever and me be the “man of her dreams” and never make a mistake again, as we all probably know that’s not the reality of the situation.

[MrsKlco]

As I read...”over thinking” is loud and clear. Unfortunately us woman like decisiveness. BUT that’s what we (I) do...over think!! If only she could read your thought with thought bubbles. That would be halaurriouse!!

Knowing your limitations is a start and they have to be OK with her and you. For example, I have great ideas all the time. But the second and third step....I’m lost, frustrated, questioning myself!! Or it takes twice as long to make a decision when I’m emotional or having a crapy day.

So if your not feeling supported and understood that leads to being emotional and low-self worth.

I am so thankful that you have reached out. Things like this are difficult but have faith and keep posting and supporting others= get out of your head!!

Renee

[Its18 in reply to MrsKlco]

Yes, overthinking for sure. I guess I’ve always been a connect all the dots and predict or assume an outcome. I guess stopping that is easier said than done.

[CoffeeMaster]

I'm at the same place! My wife is upset with me. It's really painful for me. I'm working on it. I try to focus on one thing at a time. Tiny steps to make a clear decision. Have you tried outside help, like a coach?

[Its18 in reply to CoffeeMaster]

I haven’t tried a coach, just therapy. And my wife is kinda against therapy now, she is pretty fed up and says “ you are grown ass man and you are choosing to be like this. If you want to be different you’d choose to be and do it. You are choosing to behave like this so you are not trying because there are no changes or they don’t last”.

[CoffeeMaster in reply to Its18]

I totally understand you. My wife changed when my therapist offered to meet both of us at the same time and explain what is ADHD, give examples, and described how it affects me. You need a routine and make some changes to your life. It's really hard but it's what I'm working on at the moment.