Spouse of ADD husband seeking support

[Chris_Chris_]

I’m absolutely desperate to find support and connect with others who live with and care for adults with ADHD/ADD! My husband has ADD and I’m losing my mind! I’d love to connect with others online or on the phone. I need to find people who know what I’m going through. Please help!

[Hidden]

Hi Chris_Chris_ . ADDA has a support group for non-adhd spouses that you might be interested in. add.org/virtual-peer-suppor.... I'd also be happy to have a conversation with you about ADHD and relationships, as I work with ADHD clients for a living (and have ADHD myself.)

[Chris_Chris_ in reply to Hidden]

Hello plenti42day! Thank you so much! I will look into the support group right away. What do you do for a living? And yes, I’d love to talk with you. I’m usually available during the week after 5:30 PST.

[Hidden in reply to Chris_Chris_]

I’m an ADHD Coach. You can send me contact info to [e-mail] and we’ll set up a time for a conversation. No charge.

[troyhenn2 in reply to Chris_Chris_]

i know what its like , the pain we go throught with adhd husband / partner, 30 years , worn down ,

[Jjflash]

Hiya Chris,as someone who has suffered with this my whole life,I think you should also ask your hubby how he's coping,after all he's suffering with it.Its a self consuming illness can destroy someone's life.I bet he's struggling a lot more than you realise.The absent mindedness,the brain fog,the anxiety and continual dark bouts of depression.Hell be scared everyday because he'll know that he's not in control and the more he worries,the worse his symptoms will be.I know I'm seeing things more from his point of view but I bet that he's just hoping that he'll be fixed and be able to be 'normal' like everyone else.Its a two way street,if you help him with his ailments,you'll get a better version back of your husband.

[Chris_Chris_ in reply to Jjflash]

Hello Jjflash! Thank you very much! We have been working on communicating and getting on the same page and sharing how the ADD obstacles make us both feel. We are trying to be constructive and help each other. We do thing like we’re trying different ways of going about the same to see which way works best for him. He finds it difficult to tell me how he’s feeling which frustrates us both. I really appreciate your perspective and will think about the things you said when I interact with my husband.

[Jjflash in reply to Chris_Chris_]

Hiya Chris,I'm sorry for having a go.You sound like you're doing everything you can,you can't do anymore.I can totally understand it from your point of view,it's hard on you as much as your husband because it's a horrible hidden disease that the top brass don't understand.He has also not got to shut you out,because the unsaid chats can cause even more probs.If he's able to explain how it's affecting him,then the dialogue will become more open on both sides.Again Chris,I apologize to you for jumping down your throat because I've shut people close to me in the past out and she used to get so annoyed that I became even more distant.Thus, we split,she couldn't tolerate me anymore.And rightly so.Good luck with things Chris,I hope you both realise,as I now do,that it's more common than I ever thought.Stay positive Chris.x

[CherJer]

This is me also! You're def not alone. I'm finding it hard and harder not to take things personally from my unmedicated ADHD spouse. And being stuck at home together literally 24/7 is NOT helping. I too NEED to connect with others who truly "get it". I don't think anyone realizes how hard it is to live with when you're not on the same page, let alone if you're even reading the same book every day.

Would love to correspond with you if youd like.

[Chris_Chris_ in reply to CherJer]

Hi CherJer! Yes, let’s do that! What’s your email address?

[Chris_Chris_ in reply to CherJer]

Maybe you’d like to correspond some other way? Let me know!

[espritscurieux]

I typed "My husband had ADHD and I think I'm going crazy" into Google search out of pure desperation. Your plea popped up! I'm not alone. My issue is that he is incredibly forgetful then denies conversations/situations ever happen. It's an unintentional "gaslighting". After 12 years, it is really taking a toll on MY mental health. Anxiety and self-doubt are becoming my primary personality traits. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

[Hidden in reply to espritscurieux]

Hi there. My husband has ADHD and I know that desperate feeling. That is how I found this site also. Is such a lonely life at times. I am married 10-1/2 years and there have been times when I would have loved to have left but I could not. It is a daily situation. It seems in reading people’s situations here, some Others seem to have found a sort of agreement with their spouse. I have not so much. I wish he were more self motivated to manage his communications or lack of them with me. If you need a person to share with regularly I would be happy to give it a try. Maybe we can help each other. ??? My husband has improved some but it is a daily reminding him that has burned me out. I am no longer as nice about it as I used to be. I miss being less stressed. Nancy

[Chris_Chris_ in reply to Hidden]

Hi Nancy! I really understand everything you said and have very similar feelings and reactions to my husband. I’d love to connect and help each other. Some support would do wonders for my well being. Do you text?

[Hidden]

I do text. I would like to start with emails if you are ok with that. I am not comfortable giving my phone number here just yet.

[Chris_Chris_ in reply to Hidden]

Sure! That sounds great.

[Hidden in reply to Chris_Chris_]

So I have an email that is [e-mail]. It isn’t my primary email but I am comfortable giving that here. Why don’t you write me to start? We argue all the time. I’m beginning to feel like this pattern will never end. And they may be why I’m so angry with him. He doesn’t make effort to stop all the stuff that causes problems. How is it possible that he cannot notice how thoughtless he is? I think sometimes the diagnosis gives him an “out”. And a way of not having to be a husband. And a way of taking all his life frustrations out on one person who is hurt and responds like she is hurt. I want to stop caring. Others can walk away. Others are only in his life temporarily. I have to be attached 24/7. And he knows that. And I feel like I get taken advantage of because I cannot leave. I cannot support myself financially.