I’ve run out of strength....

[pepperchico]

40 year old woman here...with ADD, the inattentive type. About 15 years ago I tried Strattera for the first time and it changed my life. Gone were the issues with organization, the mental blocks that disabled me from getting my thesis complete (as I was History major in college seriously thinking about going to law school). Long story short, I finally finished my undergrad degree, decided against law school, joined corporate America and began climbing that corporate ladder. I’ve always had low-self esteem issues, but with Strattera came a new found confidence, a clear mind and a feeling of invincibility that propelled me to accomplishments that I never would have imagined, especially as a little Puerto Rican girl growing up in fucked up, abusive household. Fast forward to five years ago, and I’m in a hole so deep, that I doubt I can ever climb out of it. I’m depressed, have severe low self-esteem issues, and cannot stop drinking although I went to rehab earlier this year. I have tried to figure what the fuck is wrong with me, and all I can come up with is situational depression stemming from my miserably over-demanding job....It pays well, but the co-workers are spiteful, ultra competitive shit heads, and as painful as it is for me to admit, I can’t compete. The competition is too much for my ADD brain, and I feel some kind of fucked up way because I can’t do it anymore. The strong woman who “managed to overcome the obstacles” is tethering over the edge. I’m tired, and although my shit seems to be in order from the exterior, I know it’s just a question of time before it all falls apart. Any others out there in a similar situation?

[Emready]

Feel like I've sorta been there. I did find that when I was in a similar work situation I was trying so hard to navigate the peraonalities and bullshit that I couldn't keep up with the work and my personal life. Hang in there. In hindsight so should have gone on some antidepressants. Right now Im having a hard time getting Adderall bit zoloft paired with two doses a day of wellbutrin has helped me recently regain perspective and the energy to get through the day. Realize that if you feel like you're too far down the hole to recover, you've got nothing to lose. Doesnt hurt to regroup and give it a try. And if it doesnt work out, maybe a change is what you need but either way, you will need to get the depression handled super soon. Good luck.

[Olinick]

I totally get what you are saying. I am living it now as well. I may not be in corporate America but I thought three years ago when I got a job at a local private special education school it was my dream job. This year it has become a nightmare and it has caused my anxiety, depression, ADD, low self-esteem issues to go through the roof. My counselor says they can't do anything to me (I live in fear that I will be fired) because of the Americans with Disabilities Act is on my side. I probably should get in touch with someone about it but I haven't done that yet. If I do get fired from this job I have no else to go. I can't go back to public school (that would be comparable to your corporate jobs) because was a living hell there. I feel for you. I know what you are going through. I don't come home and drink, though, I stop at the local grocery store and buy cake. Then I eat cake the rest of the night, feel terrible the next several days. Doesn't help the self-esteem when I put on more weight. Hang in there. Maybe go for a walk when you get home. Try not to drink. I am thinking of you. We will get through this.

[Halem1982]

Are you still taking Strattera? If so, are you sure it still works?

[Eclecticentric77]

Hi there, I have Inattentive ADHD myself. I take a different stimulant medication, along with supplements to help the medication work to its full potential, protect the brain/body, and to eliminate/diminish side effects. Inattentive ADHD is a completely different ball park from hyperactive and a good amount of combined types. I'm in Grad school studying to becoming a clinical psychologist and spent the better part of four years researching ADHD, supplements, nutrition, and strategy plans. Inattentive ADHD is very under-represented from my findings. In order to help change that, I published a book on Inattentive ADHD, that takes the reader through the different stages in life, and talks about many strategies one could utilize to overcome the struggles, similar to what you have mentioned above. I also made a youtube series chronicling the issues that arise with Inattentive ADHD through the lifespan, and what we as individuals can do in order to help ourselves out, and how we can have our family members and close friends help us out by understanding us more, since our struggles are similar yet really different compared to hyperactive and a good portion of combined types. I also made a google doc that includes all the supplements I take, how they help out people with ADHD, and some other helpful info. Links to all these things can be found on my profile here, just click my pic and it will take you to my profile, where in my bio section you'll see the links in case you're interested. Hope this helps

[Lyuda]

Yes. It does feel like that sometimes. I understand your feelings. They are real. I can see how much pain you have. But ! I think you can’t compete because you compare yourself with others. And you cant do that! We are wired differently! It’s like judging fish by it’s ability to climb trees. Start with accepting yourself! We are all different! It’s good that outside you seem all good. It’s great that you are seeking for help and reaching out to people. There are a lot of other resources in the internet with suggestions how to cope. Find what works for you. I like different podcasts: ADHD reWired, ADD skills; they suggest many routines that can help you keep your feelings under control. Don’t forget exercise! Build your resilience and crucial for ADDers. Every time your life feels overwhelming just go for a run and look at your life from a perspective of another person. What you feel, why you feel that, is there is a better way to approach that situation, and what advice could you give the person if it was someone else with these circumstances.

Hang on there! We all have our bad days. Don’t try to solve everything immediately, one step in a time.

[Itsonlyme4]

Happened to me at 50. Left the corporate world learn to live on less and did something that wasn't so stressful. I don't wear the super high-end clothes anymore. Nor throw money around out shopping with the girls. But I am blissfully happy. All the money in the world wouldn't be worth going back. Just saying

[hldb]

I think that sometimes it is hard to manage all of the different aspects of our lives that are impacted by ADHD. We can manage the house but then the job suffers, focus on the personal relationships but then the professional ones suffer, etc... It is hard for everyone to keep all of their balls in the air but especially for those of us with ADHD. I also find that the interpersonal professional relationships are especially difficult because most people living with ADHD have led a life full of criticism and have rejection sensitivity dysphoria. How many times have you been told that you shouldn't be so sensitive. I think that the sensitivity makes me a better person sometimes, it makes me more empathetic, but it is still difficult. I am sorry you are struggling. Take a look at what is going on and remove the aspects that are giving you the most trouble, return to rehab, and get some help and support. You've succeeded before and you can do it again! Especially with the support of this community where we can understand and empathize. Good luck!

[Nick1913]

Hey there pepperchico,

Halem May have a point to check in to, is the Strattera still working?

Are you in therapy or working with a psychiatrist? Maybe need some adjustments. As time goes on our brains and bodies change. It worked 5 years ago but perhaps not anymore. Try taking a step back to see if you can figure out when, where and what changed..... oh yeah your ADD brain is fine, use the hyper focus drive. Did the competition change? Look for resources that can help you, coaches are a great help too.

Books, internet information wherever you can get it.... just don’t give up, you made it happen.

Keep it going

Smile

You did good.

[ElleM7777]

The problem with managing ADHD is we sometimes forget about the biggest problem that comes with it: severe, unrelenting depression.

People who have ADHD often have lived a lifetime of "failure" before they were diagnosed with ADHD. They are medicated, the miracle happens, they move on with their life. Unfortunately, their brain still needs to process all that crap in there.

What I referred to as crap could be anything. What brings it out is usually massive amounts of stress. Extreme stress can be at work, a bad marriage, a divorce, financial stress, raising children, taking care of ill parents.... Your crap could be an abusive relationship, an abusive childhood (that you may have never processed), a parent with an addiction problem, not living up to your potential, perfectionism, being fired from a job or 2/3/4 because of ADHD symptoms, anxiety about the future, concern about your drinking, anxiety about losing your job......

I've been there. I'm taking Straterra. I've got ADHD, with an "unclassified" mood disorder, have a lot of fun controlling my low blood sugar, and severe insomnia. I was JUST starting to get my shit together when my 80-year-old dad was diagnosed with cancer. I absolutely wanted to fall apart. I have wanted to many, many times since. I can't because my dad AND my mom need me. I can't. So, I persist. I figure it out. Every day is a new day, and somehow, I figure it out.

You can do this. Start with the most important thing: stay alive. Get your depression stabilized. After you have that figured out, worry about everything else. Remember, if you need time off, you are entitled to take leave under the FMLA. Depression would certainly fall under a medical leave. You may not be paid for the first week, I think it is, unless you have vacation time. After that, you get a percentage of your pay based on whatever your employer offers.

You may want to consider two things when it comes to alcoholism: (#1) Your drinking could be a compulsion tied to your ADD. ADD lacks dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter that provides pleasure. So we are seeking pleasure. If that alcohol buzz soothes you, releases anxiety, etc., that could answer why you're having trouble decreasing and/or stopping your drinking. People with ADD/ADHD can also have problems with compulsive sex, gambling, shopping, anything that they derive pleasure from. (#2) You may be self-medicating. You can't get the depression, the low self-esteem, the stress, and the other issues, to go away, so you drink.

You'll find no judgment here. Sometimes we do things that we aren't proud of to keep ourselves alive. It isn't healthy, but you're still here. Yes, I speak from personal experience, so I am no better. The human mind can only tolerate so much pain, so much stress. You have found your limit. I am so happy you reached out, and that you are still here with us!! So many others couldn't make it. You are strong.

Take care of your mental health. If you haven't yet, please find a counselor. Treat your depression. Take some time off. When you are feeling better and stronger, you may be ready to think about working on your drinking again.

Please, let us know how you are doing.

Happy Holidays,

Elle

[AyDeeDee in reply to ElleM7777]

Thanks so much for your post!

I'm also going through a time where the "crap" is coming out strongly.