I'm new: My case, what else can I do?

[nachosamuel]

Hey, I'm Alfredo from Chile, I'm 24 years old and I was diagnosed with ADHD like 4 months ago.

I'm like the cliché, problematic kid for parents and teachers, but excelent grades. Then went to engineer school and drop it, to pursue my dream in music. My parents didn't let me study music before so I entered a conservatory.

Now when I'm supossed to be motivated with my studies I can't even get off of bed.

I'm in third year but really delayed, not going to class, failing some classes, so I fell into a depression.

Now I have been in therapy for almost a year with a psychologist and a couple of months with a psychiatrist, taking pills for my ADHD and dysthymia, but nothing works.

I have read a ton of books and articles, seen a lot of videos of important Doctors, tried to schedule my times, and nothing works. I can't get me to go to class and I can't stop procrastinating, in a deep level. Sometimes I don't sleep trying to start over and over and I can't.

I don't know what to do, I can't get things done. Recently I have been thinking in just quit the music consevatory and take home tutorials about the subjects of music. I think that's the best that could work for me, but it would be like "surrending" to the ADHD. I really want to have my career and my degree, don't want to drop the academy but I can't do anything, I'm just throwing money and time.

Please help.

[dgs2018]

Hi Nachosamuel, glad you found this community and hope the overall experience will be positive. In my opinion it sounds like music truly is your passion and you should hold on to that decision to pursue it. The ADHD part is not an easy solve as you quite well figured out. I'm decades older than you and can tell you it is possible to finish major undertakings when you have ADHD as I have a Bachelor's and a Master's degree. You mention surrendering to the ADHD, but really there is no cure for the condition: every person has to find their own combination of coping and even thriving with how your mind works. In my life, being sober minded and determined to the point of not giving up seems to be something which has helped. If you find that life-driving passion (e.g. music in your case) and then pursue it, other things will take better perspective. It's hard as all get out to move forward when you're sliding, but find some solid ground and plant yourself. I recommend that you be deliberate in your progress by keep a journal which will help slow your mind and keep it on track. Manos a la obra!

[needsmusic]

Buenos tardes o noche. I know how you feel. You are not alone. I have had challenges in dealing with a non-traditional brain.

Family history: My father was a major drug addict for 40 years, (amphetamines first, then heroin). My mother was a daily marijuana smoker and had Clinical Depression. Her first episode came after she separated from my father finally, then had her thyroid removed. She was in bed, almost catatonic, for over a year. She was hospitalized briefly. It was an awful time. We had no food at times. My father was just gone, missing.

I was 11, didn't understand. She finally got her legs back and she moved to warmer sunnier climate. Was fine for next 25 years. Again, major catatonic depression. Again I didn't understand. She dealt with exacerbation's and remissions until she died. My father FINALLY achieved freedom from drugs and alcohol when he was in his 50's, and stayed clean until he died 18 years later. Addiction destroyed his career financially, but he was a musician and songwriter, and made music until he no longer could!

I was diagnosed ADHD in my 40's. It was a huge relief to learn that my struggles were biological and not that I was just ' a loser'. I started on Adderall, with subtle improvement, but very worthwhile! Then depression came also. It took a few tries to find that Prozac worked best for me. That combination, plus a tiny dose of Clonozapam at bedtime worked. I completed a BS and a BA, but had to study in the basement of the library against the back wall. Because anything would be distracting and I couldn't study. So I used a place with no sensory input. After graduating, I went off Adderall because I didn't think I needed it anymore. I was done with school. I went into major clinical depression, with suicidal thoughts. Back to my Psychiatrist- he told me to get back on Adderall. So I did, and within weeks I was doing well. Did I learn this lesson? No. A few years later, again I was doing fine. I thought; I can stop taking this stuff. I am doing well. BAD MOVE for me. I was back in bed, wanting to die, knowing that I believe that suicide is not really a choice. I went back on the same med regimine....Nothing. Oh bleak times. I was trying everything I knew to do- exercise, good nutrition, sleep with blinds open, maintain a daily schedule, keep friends in your life, practice a spiritual life, etc. Oh it so hard when you can hardly move!

I went off those meds, tried different doctor, and different meds. No help. Long time doing this, everything was in slow motion. Went back to my original psychiatrist...finally one visit he said he wanted to try me on Lamictal. And that was the magic potion that worked for me. In one week I was back. Energetic, no suicidal thoughts. Like unfrozen.

So path is different. And we all know that one medication, or combination of meds, may work for one person and not another.

But I wanted to write just to say I can relate to how you are feeling.

I am glad That I somehow found the fortitude to keep trying. That's my suggestion. Keep trying. A different doc, or different med or combo of meds. Please keep on taking care of yourself.

I know that I got my degrees late in life. You can always go back to university if taking a break is a good idea.

WE who have atypical brains walk a different path in life. But we are amazing, interesting and very special people.