For all the problems that comes with ADD I thought I might share some things I've learned help me cope or function more normally. Hopefully some things that have worked for me may work for others as well.
Music helps me focus while I am working, instrumental music of your preferred genre works best. Music also is great for relaxing when I'm taking a break or at the end of the night I simply zone out to some music for a while and it calms my mind.
The occasional game whether it be a phone app or video game also helps when relaxing. However if the games become too addictive then it's best to either severely limit play time or stay from them as I have learned.
For those with friends and family who don't understand why those of us with ADD function or do certain things; learning everyhting you can about your ADD or ADHD and then explaining yourself and how you think and process things does help wonders. I still have some issues in my family but after doing my research and showing them videos and articles explaining my ADD has helped them to understand me better than they did before. Science and proven facts don't lie so for those with stubborn people who don't want to believe it's a neurological disorder and think you're just being selfish or degrade you for not being 'normal' you may have a easier time concincing them.
Long post I know but I hope maybe I can help at least one person. We all need support and to remember we're not alone and there are people out there who understands exactly what we're going through.
Hi Noveltea: I have been married to a wonderful man for 40 years. We are having major problems communicating and are und r a lot of pressure to make big decisions soon. After counselling and lots of thinking, I believe my husband has ADHD. I need some help to know how to communicate with him when the conversations can be stressful, from the perspective of an adult with ADHD. Could you possibly shed some light? Thanks
Tell him the topic before hand so he can think about it and process it, stick to the facts, do it at a quiet time alone with him to minimize distractions, and instead of one big long conversation perhaps break it down into a few small conversations; main topic broken down into sub topics.
Write notes during the conversation If you can one at a time so he can review them later if need be. The timing of the conversation matters too; immediately after a long day at work focusing is not a good time or when he's tired. asking him when is a good time to discuss your topic is important, he might need a little time to decompress or even prepare for the conversation, I know conversations on important issues i sometimes have to mentally prepare myself before I dive into them.
Don't pressure for an answer, allow him time to process the conversation before revisiting for an answer.
Keep conversations as short as you can, maybe 10-15 minutes because usually any longer and the focus of an ADD or ADHD person wanders and it's easy to forget things.
Thank-you Noveltea-that was very helpful information! I want to understand what happens in the thoughts and feelings when you feel overwhelmed? Can you describe that for me?
I am a 44 year old woman with ADHD. You are so sweet and are doing the right thing by asking questions to gain understanding. Here’s what it feels like for me when I’m overwhelmed:
-racing thoughts, everything I need to do comes into my thoughts. I now need to get everything done “right NOW”. I feel guilt/shame about things I “should” do and/or didn’t do that day, week, month, etc.
-if it’s math related: the pain from elementary school and beyond of not understanding, struggles, etc. Feelings of inadequacy.
-I want to retreat to my bedroom to “debrief” from the overwhelming feelings.
I could write much more, but I need to get ready for work. I work in an elementary school as support staff for Special Education students. I mostly serve spectrum disorder children; ADHD, autism, etc. I LOVE my job!
When I'm overwhelmed I feel beyond frustrated, angry, and sometimes scared. I feel like I'm holding the world on my shoulders and it just keeps getting heavier threatening to crush me, most importantly I at times feel alone in the moment because in my mind I think nobody else understands me and what I'm feeling and going through.
I've come to realize if I am becoming overwhelmed with a project or even a conversation I have to step away and spend some time alone to take my mind off things otherwise I may end up spiraling out of control and unintentionally snapping and pouring my frustration on others who did nothing wrong and end up hurting them and myself.
The thought process when I'm overwhelmed is chaos sometimes because my mind is trying to process everything at once and it just can't. It leaves me sometimes feeling defeated or like I've failed at a simple task even if I clearly didn't.
Something else I'll add; I strongly encourage you to observe your husband's habits you think are connected to ADHD and study ADD and ADHD because I have learned not all ADD and ADHD is the same. My ADD is similar in some areas to my other family members who have it but in other areas it is completely different.
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