Adult ADHD Support

How do I become a functional adult

I’m 23, living and working in manhattan diagnosed with ADD and Anxiety in 2012. I take vyvanse.

I am struggling to find and stick to routines that will help me. I moved in July and have pretty much just let my impulsivity run wild, and I feel so out of control. I used to be healthy and now I treat my body like shit. I resist all things I know I should do. Yesterday I had a panic attack, something that hasn’t happened to me since my sophomore year of college in 2013. I know that if I take care of myself I will start to see things come together but I can’t motivate myself. I’ve let it go on so long now that I am actually depressed. I knew I was doing it the whole time, but I lied to myself and just lived like someone who doesn’t have ADD.

I want to get back on track, I have to or I will hit bottom and I don’t want to know how far down that is from here. But I’m not sure where or how to start. I don’t like to talk to my family or friends about how I really feel when I’m like this, I hide it. Because I don’t want anyone to worry about me or think that I am failing or disagree with my choices. I

I need to feel accountable to someone, other than myself in order to succeed. But I can’t afford a therapist like I had when i was in college and this happened last.

Does anyone have any cheap or more convenient help?

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I’m a mom of an adhd daughter who I love very much. Congrats on graduating from college-my daughter failed out and is hoping to go back. When she isn’t doing well she shuts out the very people who love her and want to help. It’s very frustrating because I know she wants to and can succeed. Take a risk and a first step and reach out to someone (maybe your mom) and tell them how you really feel and what you need. Let them help you figure out a plan to move forward. God bless you.

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A big step in reaching out to this community! Owning what it is going on and asking for help takes emotional courage and vulnerability. Glad you are here!

I am curious as to what books you've read or listened to on adult ADHD. It was actually a couple of them that brought some insightful Ah-ha moments on things I could do.

What would you think about reaching out to a friend after you've come up with a plan - just one thing you could do to make an improvement? Then the friend could be your accountability partner to hold you to a commitment of a new way of managing your life?

A life coach that works with adult ADHD people is a great resource and prices vary. I have a family member who really found working with one beneficial to her life and now her career life is amazing too.

Like many things, one step at a time, a day at a time, get you to a better place.

Blessings to you.

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Hello Bridget, can you remember any strategies that helped when you felt this way in the past?

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I understand how you feel 100 percent!

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So I seriously ask myself the exact same thing everyday. It’s hard. I’m still trying to figure this all out myself but the best thing I’ve learned through therapy is you have to start small. Like reeaalllyyy small. Make small goals to accomplish in your day that could help you. I know for exercise is great for ADD but actually getting to the gym? Sometimes that just can’t happen. Think ahead and make your small goal. Like I will step outside today. Then when you get use to doing that, add on. Spend time outside. Say you’ll go for a 5 minute walk. Things like that. I’m not sure if that makes sense but it’s something I got from therapy and it has to do with building your confidence and working on routine. Just start small. 😊

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Baby steps. Thanks for the reminder that tiny steps have to be REALLY tiny sometimes.

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Absolutely! It’s pretty discouraging when it seems like you see the normal brains out there making it up a whole new staircase every month and we are only on step three. But the difference is that we fell down those stairs like 20 times and have to get ourselves back up again. We just have to look and say I’m three steps ahead of where I would have been if I just stood there. AND got back up each time. You CAN get to where you want to be and you WILL.

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I'm 24, I have ADD and am struggling with depression. I have the same issue with sticking to routines and my life is spiralling completly out of control...! I feel so alone up against the monster that is ADD. I don't even know where to begin to become an adult. No one around me seems to understand my struggles and I can't afford a therapist.

I don't have any advice for you, but I just want to let you know that you are not alone! :) I'm here for you!

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I completely agree with you!! I’ve felt so misunderstood my whole life and it’s so frustrating.

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I'm 51, when I have the answer i will get back to you lol. For now live your life and smile ;)

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Is there any way you could use your work as an anchor? Do you have a regular schedule, or could you get one? I know we all have different manifestations of ADHD, but I've found that, for me at least, having someone else tell me when I needed to be somewhere, instead of deciding for myself, helped a lot. It also allowed me to control my eating, because I could precisely schedule meals and have only what I needed to eat on hand. Working on a schedule set by someone else was about the only thing that tethered me to earth for a while.

If you have any friends or coworkers who you feel comfortable sharing this struggle with, maybe they could help you stay accountable? even a text message asking if you've eaten your veggies or brushed your teeth could be helpful. When I was starting a business, I tried to schedule weekly meetings with my husband to go over all of the things I was doing, but he's pretty lazy and just didn't care enough, and I went off the rails. I could have used a good friend for that too. Someone who cares about you but isn't involved in your day-to -day personal life is where I'd start!

Good luck getting on track!

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I’m 55 and I don’t even know how to be an a functional adult. But there are moments where I function better than others. In you are in NY city you should be able to reach out to so excellent professional help. Have hope. I know it takes a lot tho keep impulses down, it’s like a full time exhausting job. My best advice, for whatever it’s worth is to seek out therapy and a psychiatrist.

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Oh and another thing, for me it was a big error to talk to family and friends. Most of them turn into self help experts about a subject they don’t have a clue about. It I would have told them that my skull was broken, they would probably rush me to the hospital. Since it was my 🧠 they had sometimes well meaning advice, but other times it was just patronizing ignorance.

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Have you considered getting an accountability partner? I am currently looking for one, too.

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When was the last time you had your meds reevaluated? You may need you dosage or type changed. I know from experience that after awhile you body builds up an immunity to them and something needs to change.

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Do you have health insurance?

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This sounds so much like me. I’ve had phases where I’ve been able to go to the gym or had to be on time etc, but now it’s a miracle when I do anything slightly productive. I was so much better when I had a schedule I was forced to adhere by. Currently, I feel like I need an adult babysitter to tell me what to do every day because I get stuck so easily and I end up not doing anything unless I absolutely have to. I’ve never tried the whole coaching route but I think it’s much more affordable and I’ve heard good things about it. I can also see how it would be effective because I always do so much more when I feel a sense of obligation to someone else. I wish I had that same attitude when it came to doing things for myself. I hope you find the help and encouragement you need to feel happy and productive.

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