Addicted to my medication

I am new to this so I hope I do this right! I was diagnosed with ADHD at the beginning of my freshman year in college last year. They put me on methylphenidate and before I knew it, 60 pills were going missing every 2-3 days. Of course it didn't happen at first, and it took me a year to get to this point but now I can't fix it. I was just recently diagnosed with depression and I told my doctor about what I was doing with my medication so she quickly took me off that medicine and put me on vyvanse. Now to me it is a ton cleaner than my last medication, but just like the last I have gotten addicted to taking more than I'm prescribed. It has started to take a toll on my health big time. My weight is fluctuating a ton, and now I'm having to go to a cardiologist because I have severe chest pains and an irregulars heart beat. I just hate and am so ashamed of myself that I feel as if I'm not myself if I don't take the medicine..

I am so scared that I won't know when to stop until it's too late.. I just need support on how to keep calm and not chase the high of the medication. Please help. Thankyou so much.

5 Replies

  • Heyy,

    I can definitely relate to your story in many ways. I started on valium then went to Xanax, I need up ODing and when I finally came back I swore off benzodiazepines for good and made sure to have my doctor put the abuse on my file so I wouldn' get anymore even if I tried to abuse again. The thing that really took over my life was PKs, hydrocodone. I hurt my back and like so many others, started abusing the ones my doctor gave me. It became very out of control very quick, within a year I was spending $15,000 a month. I finally broke down and told my parents and it was so embarrassing as well as humiliating to admit.

    So, now every med I get on I am very cautious, but something that really helped me was just giving my meds to my parents and they would give me only what I needed for the day or week. If you have that option I think it is a good first step/option. I don' know where you live, but sometimes telling a doctor or just the wrong person can end up really compliating things. You just having the insight to be able to realize when you are having a problem with addiction is really good, many people cant/dont. It shows that you are willing and able to change to 'fix' it.

    Sadly I am struggling with a situation like that again and it' much more embarrassing, but I feel if I speak up all that will happen is punishment not help, so it' kind of a 'catch 22' for me currently. :/

    I have ADHD pretty bad, I can never seem to stay focused and follow through with things and it is a serious struggle. I am trying to get some meds, but my concern is that I have sleep issues as well and I know ADHD meds will not help that situation. I have anxiety/social anxiety/depression/ADHD.

  • Yess!! My friends didn't understand why I was so humiliated! But it truly was, I mean to me it felt like I'm already vulnerable because of a doctor I thought I could trust, but didn't prescribe correctly. Then to open myself up to a different doctor, and to trust them? It's hard. It was difficult to admit that I had lost control of somethin that, as an adult, "should've been smarter". I know that is a horrible way to put it but it's exactly how I felt. I'm just glad to not be the only one!

  • Addiction is a disease and has nothing to do with being smart or weak. Your brain gets highjacked.

  • Yes I will go look at these right now. Thankyou so so much!

  • Hi. From what I have read many ADDers have substance abuse issues. Mine began before I knew I had ADD but now it all makes sense. Alcohol and marijuana calmed me down. It is not for me to say that you have a problem but you could consider speaking with an outpatient addiction specialist and they may help you find out for yourself. I tried Vyvance and Adderal but they made me feel like I was on speed and I was ornery. I don't take anything and I suppose I am better off that way.

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