Drowning in my own little world. My body can't keep up with reality and my thoughts anymore. I feel so disconnected from everything

Hi my name is Maria .I been wanting to do this for a long time but somehow I didn't . Just like everything else. Am a 42 year old mother of 4 amazing kids .I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression maybe 7,8 ,9 years ago can't remember . before it was just according to doctors postpartum depression but I always felt like that just wasn't it ..since I remember I was always the different, weird, antisocial, stuck-up,quiet,etc. Am always been extremely insecure am people will tell me that I was just saying that I was fat ,or I didn't look good because I wanted attention but I didn't see myself the way the see me .so I had less and less friends because they just didn't understand .I am the most unhappy positive person you will ever met but somehow I been feeling so stuck and lonely for so long ,and is very painful.my husband is constantly criticizing me for everything I do .I do alot of projects all the time . housework is not enough for me .I live learning different things every day (hate studying just learning ) but nothing sticks .I have so many notebook of stuff and ideas .I think am very creative .so every day I get so many ideas but my body doesn't work as fast as my head so am at least 3 years behind .I built a tree house with concrete floors,a big sand box that now is a relaxing area with a fire place ,I built a giant rocks for my kids to just to the pool,I built a outside bar ,very cool bar .,I built a big fire place with sitting and walls and ceiling ,let me putit this way I have another house in my back yard.not including my front yard.i have over 100 sculptures of concrete ,the inside of my house is all decorated ,very beachy eclectic.but some how am still good for nothing .am so insolated that I don't want to stop making projects so I do think or feel how I feel . because no one can understand and help .I don't give up that easy but I don't know why I can't do nothing .I am desperately needing help . thanks Maria

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Hi Maria,

Just wanted to offer my support! It's getting late here in Seattle, so I won't be able to leave a longer response tonight, but I feel your pain! I have a lot of the same issues that you have and understand how frustrating it all can be! Just for the record, you sound like a pretty amazing person! Wish I had your ability/creativity!

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Thank you for your kind words ,you have no idea how it feels to hear nice words for people that don't even know you . thanks you.

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Maria, I wish I had your creativity, that's so amazing. You can research psychologist that specialize in add/ADHD so you can find some support and not go through this alone. There are also groups led by experienced practitioners which would help. Being around other people who struggle with the same things you do always helped me. Be kind to yourself because you deserve it.

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Thank you for your support . I had changed so many doctors and therapist because they don't seen to help no matter what I say they will only say make an appointment for next time and I hope you feel better .like I have a cold .my husband just got fired two weeks ago as I was looking for a lawyer to help me .he controls everything and he makes it imposible for me to work but nobody will help because I don't have any money .I try to go back to school but my application was denied because he makes to much but I don't see any of that ..I feel bad now because he is making everyone feeling like am the worse human being in the world .I looked for group,but somehow when I leave my house at cheating . The thing about me is that am very persistent .

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Hi again Maria, gosh, you are going through quite a bit. The amazing thing about you is that you create. I myself have lost my creativity and just want to be in bed all day. Have you ever tried CBD Hemp Oil? It's legal in all 50 States and it's supposed to help brain disorders. Here is a good book to get Healing With Hemp Oil: A Simple Guide to Using the Powerful and Proven Health Benefits of CBD Paperback – November 6, 2017 by Earl Mindell RPh MH PhD (Author). I wish you all the best.

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Hi , how was your experience with hemp oil?, Thanks

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Wow, Maria, that sounds like you have accomplished some amazing things while raising your kids! I certainly know how great it is to learn and do new things (and I also have a bunch of unfinished craft projects, unplayed instruments, etc, that I hope to get back to someday!). Could you find any kind of local groups of artists, crafters, builders/DIYers, etc, with which to connect? You might find some like-minded souls and get support in what you love to do. I know reaching out can be hard but it can help so much, even if just to feel less isolated.

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Thank you for responding to my post ,I don't wish on anyone to feel this way but in a way it feels good to know that you are not the only one .am just a little upset that the fear that I get went I go so anything outside my home it makes me mad that as much as I get upset some how I can't do anything about it .but all you guys words hopefully will just pushed me out little by little . Thank you so much .

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Maria, you can be proud of yourself for reaching out. Please make an appt. with a psychiatrist & behavioral health therapist, and print out what you wrote above to take to the appointment you make with them. If they advise taking medication, please do so. Consider yourself your next big project and rebuild you. Your children need you to be your best self and you can't do that if you are depressed and have low self-esteem.

I speak from experience so please trust what I have said above. I imagine making things from concrete in your backyard isn't easy and going through therapy will not be easy either. But if you can plan and tackle concrete projects, you can do the same to rebuild yourself.

Best wishes for a healthier you in 2018.

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Thank you for taking the time to respond,now I days people see it as a waste of time to help or just listened to someone. I do see a doctor and I used to see a therapist .I take aderall XR but I it keeps me motivated only half of the day And the rest an pushing my self to finish my day .is day zero for me every day .I just want to to to day two .it sounds like I haven't tried anything but you have no idea that is why I said am the most positive , persistent unhappy person .but like my resent response all you amazing kind and supportive words with push me more and more every day. Front the bottom of my heart .thank you for your support .

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Maria , please remember no one , not even your husband has the right to treat you like this. You sound like a persistent, hard working person, and you can do whatever you put your mind to. Sit down and talk to your husband and get the help you need.

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Hi maria1275,

I would seriously think of getting rid of the hubby, I had a lot of mental abuse from people when I was youner, it damages you, takes away all your. Confidence, leaving you feeling worthless.

You don't need it.. Start standing up for yourself Maria, don't let your hubby think its ok to abuse you this way. Big hugsxx

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