Why me?

I'm 40 years old and newly diagnosed with ADD and depression. I have opted not to take medication bc I did not enjoy the side effects, and besides I've been faking it this long, so....I've always known I was different. I always thought my life should be better. I always wondered why I tried harder than everyone else just to get minimal results in life. I've never been good at anything....jack of all trades and master of none. I've never had a successful relationship and never been married. I've tried and tried and I'm so tired. I guess I will give CBT a try. I have nothing else to lose and believe me, I've lost so much bc of this horrible affliction. ADD is a curse and I would never wish it on my worst enemy.

6 Replies

  • Hi - I was diagnosed in my early 40s, and tried several medications before deciding to go with Adderall XR. From what I recall my doctor saying, the meds don't always work as well for adults as they do for kids, but I think that the meds have helped me at least most of the time. Depression is another issue, which you really should seek treatment for.

    You can find a way to succeed with ADD, you just have to find your strengths, but being depressed on top may make that goal really difficult. I found that my strength is being able to multi-task. It makes sense for someone with an attention issue- my mind jumps from one thing to another (making it hard to finish anything) but if I multi-task, meaning work on one thing, then switch to another, make a phone call, etc. I can make it work, so I was successful when I found a job that fit my "talents". Since I was layed off that job after 17 years, it has not been as easy, but I work freelance now, so each job I take is different & that helps. When I do graphic design, I can actually hyper-focus at times. Find something that you can hyper focus on.

    Follow up with your doctor about your depression & work on that. When you are better, find something to do that fits your "talents" & you will feel better about yourself.

    Relationships will come when you find peace with yourself.

  • Thanks, Lisimac. I am trying to figure out the steps ahead. It's all pretty overwhelming. Trying to find a qualified Dr who deals with adult ADD and covered by insurance is like a needle in a haystack. At this late juncture in life I am not sure that I can find a job that will fit my "talents". I'm not even sure that I have any special talents that I could of hyper focus on. I have worked since I was 15 and I have never found a job that I was hyper focused in. They all bore me to death. The only thing to satisfy my boredom is to job-hop, but you can only do that for so long before employers start asking questions. Being 40, my job options are not as wide. It's not like I can afford to start in a new direction. Financially it would be a hard hit. As far as relationships and marriage, I've given up on that too and to top it all off, I have never been able to have kids, which just adds to my depression...and now that I'm getting older, that dream is fading fast☹️. I just feel stuck on all fronts. Sometimes I just cry because it never seems to improve. Life just feels so heavy. Anyhow thanks for your feedback.

  • That awful. My son is going to 25 and he is always losing stuff. It's sooo frustrating to him as well as us. As well as expensive. I wish i could find some type of cure that didnt involve medicines. He is a college graduate but what type of job can he get with adhd? That's the problem!!

  • Hi,

    Looking back on my life, I can tell you that if I had found a job that I loved and could keep me focused, I would have faired much better. I have been able to get and keep jobs, but 99 percent of the time I am bored out of my skull after the first month....which is like torture to a person with ADD😔. If your son can manage to find a job that is fulfilling, then he's got a good shot at life. 25 is young and I think he has enough one to figure it out. If I had been diagnosed at 25, my entire life would be so different. Good luck!

  • I find that untreated ADD magnified my depression. I’m on medication along with counseling and I feel so much better. Now that you know what the problem is (ADD) you owe it to yourself to help yourself. Give it a try.

  • My ADD and depression are highly linked as well. I was diagnosed about 5 years ago. I have found working on one tends to help the other (and I think others can agree with me). I tried working on my ADD at first - but like you, I hated the side effects of the medication and sitting around talking about it didn't help. I opted to just not try medication. Few years later, I started working on my depression after multiple close calls.. Going to counseling, walking or running around my neighborhood for 30min with plenty of stretching after allowed me to make progress. Simply adding a Vitamin D supplement helped take the edge off after a few weeks. I wanted to go back to school, so I needed a bit more help than that. I started taking wellbutrin and that has given the relief I needed. There is no stimulant involved so it doesn't make me feel weird - it has been working well for me for a few months now. The ADD is still a challenge - studying is hard, don't know how to manage textbook reading efficiently, my home is a wreck - but I'm passing my classes so far. it is SO much easier to force my way through my ADD now that depression is no longer kicking me in the teeth 24/7. Different things work for everyone, trying small things can make all the difference. And don't be afraid to pick and choose your battles, not everything needs to be "fixed" and most certainly not all at once.

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