New to ADHD

I was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago as an adult i always knew there was something wrong but never got checked as a kid. Well now that my marriage in falling apart my wife sent me to get tested and found out i have ADHD and dyslexia. At first i didn't want to admit to it or accept it and it really destroyed my marriage. Luckily my wife has stayed with me through it all. Now that i have accepted it i'm trying to make everything right with her, but we are on two separate side she doesn't see my side of things. How do you get your spouse to see your views on things and understand that you do care and love them.

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6 Replies

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  • You are still the same person that you was before the diagnosis and i know the diagnosis can be hard but it shouldn't change how you feel about eachother. The diagnosis only helps you to get the right kind of support and mabey your wife could understand your issues better if she educated herself about them.

    Hope this helped and good luckxx

  • I was diagnosed with adhd and dyslexia as an adult as well... so I can sympathize with your situation. I had a hard time coming to terms with it myself. Once I educated myself about the symptoms and their impact, then I was able to explain my behavior to other people. I always try to acknowledge my mistakes, and I make a point to say that I am not using my adhd/dyslexia as an excuse. I try to explain my behavior, then acknowledge that I am working on improving it. I think communication is very important in a relationship, so as long as you are open, maybe that will help your significant other be more patient. I hope this helps!

  • I will tell you that my ADHD has seriously impacted my ability to be communicate and connect with my wife. You have reached a milestone of acceptance. When I got there my next step was to be a "little" pissed off. At my parents, my teachers, myself. "Why did I have to go through 30 years without being diagnosed?" It is damaging to you and also damaging to your relationship in marriage.

    Here are some suggestions:

    1. Couples counseling with a therapist WITH ADHD expertise.

    2. If she doesn't have attention issues and would be open to it there are books on it:

    "Is it You, Me or ADD?"

    - Ask her to support your mission to own your life/actions.

    3. There are support groups for you and your partner like CHADD.

    So this is the big one: Be prepared to experience your wife's resentment and anger as things proceed with a goal of rebuilding and making your relationship stronger. She may feel at times that this is a problem you brought into your relationship. Trying to be kind and honest is my formula.

  • Hey man congrats for getting diagnosed. I'm almost 47 and was diagnosed at 40.i felt

    A massive weight of my shoulders as I also and still do feel different.

    Are you on any kind of mess by any chance

  • I would suggest that you look up Driven to distraction on eBay.that book will be your wife's Manuel on you. Get her to read it and get your self some behaviour therapy.cbt has very little success as we are on a different thinking platform

  • If you wanna pm me about Adhd I have a great wealth of knowledge to help you what I know

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