Any tips would be greatly appreciated - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Any tips would be greatly appreciated

Snkrmomma profile image
8 Replies

I'm seriously at a point where I feel as if I'm fighting depression. My husband and i have 3 neurodivergent children and our home has now turned chaotic. The kids constantly fight unless they're at school. We try our hardest to keep them active and "busy" so there's no time to fight or bicker but there's only so much i can do. Surely i cant be the only one that's experiencing this.

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Snkrmomma profile image
Snkrmomma
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8 Replies
BLC89 profile image
BLC89

Hello Snkrmomma,You are not the only one experiencing this. And you may well be depressed, may I suggest you talk to your doctor.

With 3 kids you have a lot on your plate. With 3 neuro- spicy kids you have a ton on your plate. Just acknowledging that can sometimes reduce the overwhelm.

ADHD is extremely heritable so you and/or your partner likely also have spicy wiring. Keep that in mind too when giving yourself credit for all to do.

Women are often diagnosed with anxiety and/or depression before it is discovered they have ADHD. Getting the ADHD understood and more under control generally alleviates the anxiety and depression.

As for the kids you may need to create a safe space in which they get to fight. Set rules, set a timer and let them just be for that time. Another idea, if it's an option, is to separate them so you can have a break. Again set a timer and enjoy that quiet time.

Because they are neuro-spicy they have a shorter fuse to anger or frustration so it is extremely difficult to have peace and calm for any extended period. Just the sound of chewing can set them off. Their tolerance for irritation is low, and the ability to hold back frustration is even lower. Then multiply that by 3 - that's a lot.

As best you can get them to exert themselves for 45+minutes a day. High cardio can be as effective as meds for many people.

Lastly give yourself a break and know you are dealing with a lot. You are doing the best you can. Hang in there.

BLC89

Snkrmomma profile image
Snkrmomma in reply toBLC89

I'll def be talking to my doctor. I feel like I've shut them all out. I'm completely worn out. If I'm being honest, I've been in fight or flight mode for years. 2 of the 3 kids are on meds. It does help but when they're home from school it's nothing but arguing from the youngest 2.

BLC89 profile image
BLC89 in reply toSnkrmomma

Take care of you and you can support them all much better. You are not being selfish when you take care of yourself or make space for yourself. Glad you and hubby are making a plan together.

Imakecutebabies profile image
Imakecutebabies

Yeah, it's a lot. And it's not you. And the fact that you're struggling more than a parent of 3 neurotypical kids is also not you. I have to tell myself this a lot.

I have 3, but not all neurodivergent. I find it incredibly necessary to give the neurodivergent one space away from his siblings, quite often.

anirush profile image
anirush

Wear them out as much as possible. Used to take my boys on what we called adventure walks, just exploring our neighborhood. We also would go to different school playgrounds. All have different equipment. You did not say ages or whether they are on meds. Do they share a bedroom?

Snkrmomma profile image
Snkrmomma in reply toanirush

Their ages are 14, 10 & 7. I have the most problems with the 7&10 y.o. All 3 have seperate rooms. My husband and I are in the process of putting a plan in place bc I'm worn out.

Mamamichl profile image
Mamamichl

very normal. Something that helps is to have one on one time with kids whenever you can. Have each kid clean a different room and give space. Heck, have one outside doing work. Sometimes team building games will help some families, but not all families. Maybe do a social game where the kids talk about their feelings and practice I statements. Having them in extracurricular away from the others also helps.

WYMom profile image
WYMom

We have "fighting chores" and they really suck. I also withhold electronics when they fight. But yes, I feel you!

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