Struggling with older teen's independence and going to college

[Lindak2765]

Hi there,

It's hard figuring out how much independence to give my 17 year-old teen with ADHD as he's making plans to finish high school and figure out next steps. I'm used to doing so much for him, and am finding this next phase to be very challenging. I found this workshop I'm really excited about and wanted to share with others who might be in the same boat. It's next Wed. Jan. 24, 7pm PST:

"Striking the Right Balance: Parenting Teens with ADHD"

Join Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Dr. Sarita Patel in a conversation about some of the unique challenges that come with parenting teens who have ADHD. Explore how understanding the difficulties your teen faces, as well as their strengths, can help you support them through this phase of their life.

eventbrite.com/e/striking-t...

[ADHD_DAD]

Will it be transcribed? 1.5 hours is a long time to listen to someone speak, but I'd enjoy reading it.

[LL_Mom]

Thanks for sharing and congratulations to your family. My child just completed the first semester as a chem major and lives independently on the campus of a large university situated an hour’s drive. My child chose the school and could have gone anywhere but given the choice, I’m glad they wanted to stay close.

I helped a lot during junior and senior year of high school because there was so much to manage. My child selected all the universities and sent all the applications but I did read their college letter. I also strongly urged them to apply for a couple of state schools.

I helped them stay on track with getting assignments turned in to finish college—reminding them of dates and things of that nature. But I didn’t message teachers—my child had that responsibility. My child also had a part time job and sometimes needed coaching to advocate for themselves if they felt overwhelmed and needed a day off or needed to call in late.

The thing that has helped the most in college has been 1) connecting with the office for students with disabilities and leveraging the support and resources. 2) Knowing how to communicate with professors (leaning on me for coaching if needed-but I would never email a professor on my child’s behalf, though I was free to contact disability services a couple times after semester 1 in freshmen year started). We connected with that office shortly after my student was accepted and met the people there during the first two visits (one virtual and once in person). 3) Making sure my child has access to their medication. Sometimes I’ll ask them if they have reordered prescriptions.

In high school, I couldn’t see my child living independently because they needed so much. The first 4-6 weeks of the freshman year had some challenges—-homesickness, but we managed it with a few visits (I drove up for dinner a few times—along with my husband and younger child). We talked on the phone daily and texted a lot. Things worked out beautifully and I was so glad my child settled into their routine. Getting to know professors was helpful too. Students don’t have to disclose diagnoses but since my child has a rare sleep disorder they chose to disclose that, but they didn’t have to. The office of student disability told my child that they could intervene with professors if needed. They did a couple of times with the math professor who was a bit unprofessional a few times. Once my child advocates by involving the disability office the professor became more supportive. Semester 2 begins next week and I feel confident my student will give it all they have and will navigate the ups and downs well.

I forgot to mention that we attended the welcome weekend before semester 1 began and it was great because we received lots of information and advice about helping students transition. The university also has an office with staff whose job it is to help students (and families) transition, Find the resources and offer to be an emotional supporter and coach if your son wants that. Establish a time/day on a schedule that works for both of you—just to check in once a week (or more as my child wanted/needed). Sometimes I would work and they would study while we connected on FaceTime even if we weren’t talking. That helped the homesickness.

Good luck! You both got this. Just use your tools and expect to feel like a fish out of water for awhile. Also, I did call the residence assistants twice during semester 1 because my student ran into a situation that they couldn’t get a resolution to after repeated attempts contacting the residence office,