My daughter (9) just told me that she feels very alone at school. Sits alone at lunch, sometimes gets teased, often has no one to play with at recess...
I read her a list of ways that ADHD can affect people socially and all of the symptoms were things she resonated with. So I feel like it might be effecting her with her relationships at school.
We just started her on concerta. Hoping that it helps not just with her trouble focusing in school but also socially..
Can anyone offer insight into this? Maybe some success stories? Others who have been there.
Feeling like a heartbroken mama right now.
Thanks ❤️
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BeachyBlue34
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hello, I’m sorry to hear your child is going through this. My sons 5 and recently started Ritalin and it’s completely changed his social life. He has friends, gets asked on play dates! It’s really turned things around. My son was very aggressive and impulsive however and this has all settled since started Ritalin.
That is so good to hear!! Yay for things turning around! <3
Definitely like other reply- play days but just with one child can help. I noticed when we have play days with 2 children plus my son- it’s tricky as then negotiations what games/play and agreeing is more complex as it’s 3 children deciding. And for a kid with ADHD that’s difficult- agreeing what to play, compromising and then sticking to it rather than after 5 minutes wanting to do something else…
For my son Methylphenidate (Methylphenidate) made things worse socially- not better for sure! He suffered a rare side effect of ‘urinary frequency’ and it meant he was always desperate to the loo even if his bladder wasn’t full and we had 8 months on this medication when he was wetting himself as a 8/9 year old daily about 3pm when medication starts coming out of the system. On one occasion we already had a play day lined up after school and we were walking along with his class mate and his dad and the play day was meant to be at the mates house, luckily I touched my son’s trousers and I noticed he was soaked. I quickly detoured to our house and changed him and just discretely explained to the dad of that boy hoping that the kid didn’t notice. My son said. He was embarrassed and decided to pretend it didn’t happen. I am dreading to think what would have happened had I not checked and he went like this all in urine for that play date!
Also on Methylphenidate my son’s character changed- he was totally not himself, hyper focusing on random facts about football and not able to have proper conversations with his peers, pressure of disordered speech or being in himself, he even started talking to himself, weird body movements and ticks, anxiety, irritability, severe rebound side effect about 3-4pm so aggression and worse ADHD at that time, so no chance to socialise with peers then… Is this a coincidence that at the same kids started bullying my son? Well, he was so disordered that he couldn’t even tell me exactly what was happening at school. So I’d say Methylphenidate took a year out of his life- socially and from our like as family with him, a terrible nightmare we all want to forget.
In the summer before the new school year we eventually managed to convince psychiatrist to change his medication to non stimulant - Atomoxetine. And I must say this totally does help him socially - he is relaxed, no anxiety, his mood is lifted, he can focus on a play, he is sociable and can engage in normal varied conversations, he joins in with the kids (even the ones who used to bully him- it’s just Atomoxetine seems to work so well on his mood that he has resilience). Day wetting stopped the day we stopped Methylphenidate.
I’d say- observe your daughter. Read the full list of common and rare side effects and watch out for change of character and ‘being in herself’ and worsening of anxiety. Because this won’t help socially for sure.
Oh wow! That is all such good information- I am SO SO sorry you guys had to go through all of that.
My daughter does struggle with her moods.. we've dealt with suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression.. she was on Zoloft for a while but it stopped working and seemed to have the opposite effect after a while (we tried upping her dose and it was awful) I finally asked if we could try treating the ADHD since we had never done that before, so here we are.
Yesterday was her fist day on it. she was herself but very mellow. Kind of like she was her but the volume was just turned down a few notches. She was pretty irritable when it wore off though. Today she's been pretty irritable. But not as bad as when she's be irritable and *not* on it...
Ughhhh finding the right medicine that works is so hard. And I feel you on the sentiment of feeling like it's taken time away from everyones lives. Its heartbreaking.
Good luck with trying stimulants (Concerta is a Methylpenidate). All I’d say if she is irritable daily when it wears off don’t get in a trap to then give her something on top of it to ‘mellow’ the period when it is wearing off.
I’d say- there are a good few non stimulant ADHD medications to try and they all work on slightly different pathways so they are worth trying as they work 24/7 and there is no suffering when daily whey start to wear off.
Also if you say that already Zoloft was tried then it might be a good shot to give her something that works both on ADHD and anxiety and mood. Non stimulant ADHD meds seem to do both. Once you’d try and find one that works you may be able to have her just in 1 medication. In my opinion the fewer meds a kid gets the better.
Just observe her and see how the social side goes for her on Concerta, give it a few months, see how she is sleeping, how her eating is, is she gaining weight as child should …Stimulants significantly affect sleep and eating… Also I’d say if there is no improvement socially then I’d give a try with a non stimulant ADHD medication (Qelbree etc) - to reduce anxiety and lift mood at the same time.
I feel for you and your daughter! I was also heartbroken when I saw how much my son wanted to be friends with two boys at school but wasn’t accepted. Sending you love and support from Colorado.
First, regarding meds. Many, myself included, were hesitant initially to medicate fearing it would change personality. With time (we are 10+ years into the journey), I've learned that ADHD is not my son. My son HAS ADHD. The meds just treat the medical condition so my son can break through. Second, as to the social issues, granted girls are much harder, but my approach has always been to make sure he feels comfortable in his skin since conformity is not something he is capable of. I make sure he knows I love him just the way he is, weirdness and all, and encourage him to let his "freak flag" fly. I am so grateful for him every day- the kid he is, not the kid I thought he'd be or the kid someone wishes he were. Confidence and self esteem have never been issues for me which perhaps makes this easier for me. If a parent derives their own self esteem from raising a "popular " kid, then ADHD will be an additional challenge for that patient. There are a lot more kids like our kids than you know. They will find their group. At least my son did. They are a quirky, wierd little group, and he knows it and is goood with it, just like I am. You just have to remember that they (kids) are people, not just "our child." It's not really about us (parents) at all. It's their life. Be well.
love the perspective "ADHD is not my son. My son HAS ADHD." This is such a good way to look at it!
Up until the end of last year my daughter was such a social butterfly who made friends easily and seemed so comfortable in her skin. She is goofy for sure ☺️ and has always been that way but it's always been embraced. I totally agree with you, and Ive told her this as well- no matter what happens at school or anywhere else, when she comes home she is loved and supported and we think she's awesome. But it's so hard to see her feeling alone when she isn't at home. I think that the social challenges she's facing have to do with things like paying attention to what people are saying, not getting distracted by other sounds or things going on, reading social cues, not blurting things out or saying/doing other things at inappropriate times. And I feel like it makes sense that it's starting to affect her now because I think these things probably weren't so out of place when she was younger. As kids get older and mature, they just naturally get better at those skills and I don't think she is.. Couple that with her depression and anxiety and she's really struggling to find her place and herself.
My heart goes out to you as I know that feeling well. My son recently started Adderall and it’s really starting to make a difference. His doctor is slowly increasing the dose and he’s up to 10mg now and his teacher let me know he’s started raising his hand to share rather than blurting out at random times and disrupting the class. He’s able to do his schoolwork without needing someone to keep him on task and he told me he feels good about himself as he was starting to notice others didn’t need the constant redirection he needed. He’s gone from not being able to get through a math test to getting perfect marks on them (which we aren’t worried about in 1st grade, but I can see he’s so excited to show us). Meds are the way. We tried everything and once he turned 6 and started 1st grade it was very apparent that he will need them to get through school and learn. Socially he’s always going to have a harder time because he’s such an amazingly unique little human and I do believe things will get harder in that regard around 3rd grade.. which it sounds like is where your daughter is at, being 9. His behavior therapist said children are more forgiving of social missteps and eccentricity up until around 3rd grade. Trust the medicine and if it doesn’t work, it’s not the right one for her. It’s a process that will change over time. This new chapter is just beginning for us.. My son is getting results on Adderall (now) but perhaps it won’t help in 5 or 10 years from now and we’ll have to try a different one. Who knows? But I know it’s what he needs for his medical condition. My husband has ADHD and growing up in the 80s he was not diagnosed and treated as lazy and had a hard time with friends, he wishes he had been diagnosed then and medicated.. this goes for so many people and he eventually found his way socially, with age. I hope you start seeing results from meds and trust that she’ll find her own group along the way.
I have ADHD... I didn't have many friends at school. What helped me? Was the school giving me a 'job' which in turn helped me develop friendships and my social skills.
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