Story-ripping pages

[Onthemove1971]

Good morning-

I am not sure where everyone is at in this journey of raising a child with ADHD (some families have just started, some are or could be in the middle school dreaded years and some could be with their child that is now and adult).. but I wanted to share a quick story.

Our son is currently 16 years old and in a few years hopes to be in college playing sports at a high level.

When our son was in pre-school or kindergarten we was in a very patient program that he attended until 6th Grade.

One day, I was stopped while rushing to pick him up the teacher informed me that our son was seen ripping the pages in their book. Of course I was modified and quickly offered to pay for the book or replace it. Thinking nothing of it since our lives were busy, both working full time and just trying to survive daily...

Fast forward to recently having dinner with him, I asked him (now that he is 16 years old and wise), did he remember ripping the pages in the book. He replied "yes, I thought if I ripped the pages I would have less to read". He then admitted he hates to read.

I tell this story to share that. . behavior is always a form of communication. Our son has had medication, therapy, educational plan and a whole lot of love.

Hope this small story helps someone deal with the struggles of raising a child with unique needs.

[ADHD_DAD]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[SunshineF]

thanks for sharing your story. I’m new to this what do you mean by a patient program?

[Onthemove1971 in reply to SunshineF]

The preschool/ daycare he attended was very.. very patient. I am sure it he were in another program they would have asked him to leave.

I hear so many times that the program their children are in do not understand how children with ADHD struggle.

Best to you!

[SunshineF]

Oh sorry! I thought it was a term for specific programming. Thanks for clarifying.

[dubstepMaul]

thanks for sharing, Onthemove. My son who is now 31 hated to read too, he wasn't actually reading until he was 7. All the way thru school it was a chore to him, never something to enjoy. Fast forward to his 20's, somehow it all turned around. He found that he loved reading things that interested him. He is an avid reader now. You just never know how things will turn out.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to dubstepMaul]

It hbe honest.. it was very hard to hear that becuase we know how important reading is. But also I feel like I should have helped him.. But he never said anything to us. This story is just one sample of the same things.

I know when he becomes an adult he will realize how did our best to help him. This helps, but feeling like you have never done enough is so hard. I share this so maybe the parents/guardians that sees this story will know why their child might be tearing the pages in their books.

Thanks for sharing.. it makes me feel like there is hope.

[dubstepMaul in reply to Onthemove1971]

there is always hope. Your boy is 16 and when I think back to when my son was in high school I remenber thinking will there ever be light at the end of the tunnel? I see your posts, you have such insightful things to share, helpful information and encouragement. I am sure you are a wonderful mother and your son is so blessed to have you. We moms are always so hard on ourselves aren't we. I too sometimes reflect on what I should have done differently, or could have said..etc etc. But in the end I rest in the knowledge thatI was my son's best advocate and champion

[Onthemove1971 in reply to dubstepMaul]

Thanks!

[Home1818 in reply to Onthemove1971]

Thank you for sharing! I am a mom to a 7 yo with adhd and anxiety. I often think I would love to hear from parents of older children or young adults who have been down this road, particularly the encouraging stories! It’s hard when you are in the thick of it. I just want to know he is going to be “ok”.

In terms of reading specifically, I find this very interesting bc we are currently struggling with school work particularly reading and writing for our son. He is 7 and cannot read or write. It’s heartbreaking.

We’re in the middle of a neuropsych evaluation and dyslexia has been mentioned as a possibility. I know it often goes hand in hand with adhd.

Onthemove1971 and dubstepMaul it’s interesting that your children were late readers also. Do you think it just took them longer to pick up? Once they got going they were ok?

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Home1818]

Thanks for responding. Our child was not a late reader at all. We has/had a million books at home, did many activities at our local library, attended story time...etc.

I strongly believe there is a connection between moditvation and ADHD. If our son thought it was better to play outside he would do anything, including ripping pages to not have to read and be outside.

Our son has to work hard in high school, but the motivation now is Sports, if he doesn't do well he can't play on the sports team.

He also usually get a High B or A in English, but they read in class with audio books.

It is very upsetting to know he felt that way about reading and I am sure it is also connected to it being a struggle for him.

I know for him medication has been such a big game changer and he didn't take it when he was that young,

Best to you!

[dubstepMaul in reply to Home1818]

In the case of my son, he had difficulty with learning to read, he wasn't that interested in it and since anything that is difficult is avoided this exacerbated the problem. He is the younger of my two children, my daughter is the elder one and she loved reading, started memorizing words when she was 4 and was reading books by 5 years of age. I read books to both of them from toddlerhood but my son could not sit still through a story, where my daughter was riveted. They both have ADHD though it presented differently in each of them. After my son actually learned to read in second grade, he was okay with it but just did not enjoy reading at all as a leisure activity as his sister and I do, he viewed it as a chore. But as I mentioned in my earlier response, his interest in pleasure reading bloomed in his 20s. I think in his case it was just maturity as his interests/hobbies increased. I have to add that the differences in my children's learning styles and individual interests made a vast difference in their school experiences. My daughter loved school from day one, she loved reading and writing - this was her thing. Whereas my son's thing was building things, creating things - which for the tradtional classroom setting was not a fit for him.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to dubstepMaul]

Thanks. Just curious what he does for employment?

[Redpanda5]

Thank you so much for sharing Onthemove1971! Kids are all little puzzles aren’t they?!? Hindsight is 20/20 as the saying goes.

I strongly believe that all kids want to do well in school and life but they don’t always know how to go about it. They cope the best they can and a lot of the time the adults in their lives can’t see the forest for the trees (can’t see how it plays into the whole) but then one adult in their life gets it and flips the direction toward success. That person is you here. Well done!

[Trying1978]

Thanks for that. It is hard to remember in the thick of it!

[Shamasamdrew]

Thanks for sharing the story. I also have a 16 yr. old and it so interesting to look back on some of the things he did with perspective. Also, for any of the parents of younger kiddos, there is so much growth that is waiting to happen. You cannot see it yet or predict it even, but it is coming.

[NYCmom2]

thanks for sharing! Looking back on our family journey (9 & 12 year olds now) there’s been so much growth and depth of understanding. Therapy helps a lot, support groups, hearing from other families going through similar - normalizes the highs/lows and gives each other hope!