Daughter was different for a few days

[dadwithquestions456]

So, my daughter has generally been very antisocial since starting puberty and then being diagnosed with adhd. There are moments where she will be so much fun or really witty. It mostly comes out playing like a fun board or card game with the family. Most of the time she's not very interested in interacting with others, however. She seemed worse than normal and i started wondering about her sleep, so I gave he some iron pills. Her doctor had previously recommended to help with sleep, but it didn't seem to help at the time, so we got away from them. Well, she really changed for about a week. For that week she was so much easier to talk to. She would come looking for me to show me stuff. When I came to check on her, she'd be happy to share what she was doing. Very different than normal and it went on for like week. Then she got her period and fell back to being more antisocial. Since then, it's been weeks and that child hasn't come back out again. I'm not sure if the iron had anything to do with this, but is it normal for an adhd child to change so much for days? She took her medications the same as normal for those days.

[abryans]

I am not sure about the iron. Has she had her blood checked recently. Is she anemic? Menstrual cycles can be physically and emotionally hard for young women. My son with ADHD is lovely when he is not under stress- when we go camping with scouts or at the county fair with his 4-H club, he is hard working, responsible, and just a great kid. When he needs to do something hard for him, like school work, he can be miserable!

[ELucas13]

Take it from someone who was once a teenage girl, it's a really annoying time. Some of the issues you are experiencing will be exacerbated by the ADHD and hormones, but some are just the challenges of navigating the rough seas of teenage life. I'm no medical expert but I don't really see how the iron would impact her demeanor except if she's just anemic and that's why she acts differently due to her energy levels. I'd recommend blood tests if you feel this could be an issue.

If you believe this is abnormal teenage behavior, but some of this could be just tedious teenage years where the child you knew becomes almost a stranger as they grow, then you need to speak with a doctor, psychologist, and/or psychiatrist especially if you already have one at hand. If she needs an anti-depressant or another ADHD medication or something to boost her, they will be the ones to best guide your next steps.

I have two nieces, one has ADHD, and once they went through puberty, it was like a switch went off and they transformed into something completely unrecognizable. Both of them became surly and uncommunicative and uninterested in things they previously engaged in. My older niece with the ADHD has gotten better as she has matured, but the 13 year old is stretching her wings, to put it lightly. Expect mood swings and expect her to be interested one day and not interested the next. The important part is to make sure she knows that you are there to engage with her in the way she wants--talking, games, whatever!

There may be more here and than just teenage girl stuff or it may just be teenage girl stuff. Either way, she'll need support as she navigates through this awkward time in life and it sounds like you'll be able to assist her whatever she needs!

[HoldingonLou]

I see what you see. Ever since my daughter hit puberty she has become someone else. Distant, moody. Very different from her former bold, funny, kind & loving self. I would chalk it up premenstrual issues and teenage life. You can always call her doctor and request an iron check on her next visit. Normally it's done to screen for anemia anyways. I have focused more on prayer when I see my daughter behaving like 3 a headed monster. Sometimes it's just her chilling out or me just needing to cope.

[anirush]

Teen years are really rough with hormonal changes. But she sounds like my teenage grandson before we got him on antidepressants along with his ADHD medication. He was never happy, no social life, withdrawn. I would talk to her doctor.

[dadwithquestions456]

Thank you for all the responses. She was checked at the doctor after this and had normal iron levels. So maybe that was just a coincidence. But as you can imagine I am still wondering why she was so different for so many days straight. Had anyone else had that happen where your child was so much better for a week and then returned to being distant?

[WYMom in reply to dadwithquestions456]

I'm 37 and started my period two days ago. Pretty sure my husband would tell you I'm nuts. These hormones. give the girl some chocolate and grace. It's rough. I cry about anything on my period.

[WYMom]

Being a girl is tough. She's not the same and never will be. Just keep loving.

I have an iron deficiency and take pills. The only thing it changes is how lethargic I am.

[Yellow-cello]

I have a teen girl who loves spending time in her room so I empathize. I am starting to limit it. It may be “normal” post-pandemic behavior or typical but in my opinion it’s not beneficial to them. Re that one good week, I would talk with her and ask her about it. Tell her how you felt about it, happy to connect with her more, etc, and sad that it didn’t continue. Share your thoughts and feelings in a loving and non-judgy way and maybe she’ll open up too?

[dadwithquestions456]

So has nobody else seen their child change for several days? My daughter really was so different for around a week. I can't stop thinking about what might have been different those days so I can bring that back. Still really curious if this is super abnormal for an ADHD child or if others have had their child be great for a week, then go back to normal.

[Aspen797]

Did you ask your daughter about it? Was a stressor absent that week? Was she able to do something that she doesn’t usually have time to do? Was a person absent that bothers her at school or home? Maybe something else unrelated to iron and her period? Iron and ADHD are linked, but a weeks supplementation probably wouldn’t have been long enough to see the short term effects you noticed.

[dadwithquestions456 in reply to Aspen797]

It's weird, she remembers it, but can't say why it was different. We traced it to the last week of school. I guess maybe it was anxiety relief that the school year was almost over, though I don't know why she wasn't relieved all summer. The doctor also seems to believe it is anxiety because she prescribed an anxiety drug. I guess she was right because today we went to open house for school and she seemed terrified of school. Has never been that way before. She has done pretty well in school even though she has gotten less and less social. She won't tell me what the issue is. I expect this is gonna be a terrible year...

[Aspen797 in reply to dadwithquestions456]

That’s so hard. I’m sorry she was frightened at the open house. Middle school is such a difficult time for all kids with all the social pressures and desire to fit in and not stand out. Some schools have started counseling sessions with groups of kids that focus on different areas that commonly crop up at that age—friendship difficulties, school performance, etc. If you don’t already have a therapist, she might find the suggestions and freedom to open up to a counselor helpful.

Something that I found helpful at the start of middle school was a talk given by the principal about how parenting really shifts at this age. That instead of playing together to connect it becomes more about the talks on the drives in the car. He said that parents often feel shut out as kids retreat to their peer groups, but that connecting with our kids is still important, but it shifts from being a focal point (we’re going to x together) to us finding those moments of connection usually as a side activity—driving in the car, at dinner, while bringing groceries in, etc. I found that helpful.

Your daughter is very fortunate to have such a caring and involved parent. With your support, and the supports you actively seek out for her, hopefully this first week will be the roughest and the rest of the year will get easier.