Really tough mornings with 8 yr old - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

CHADD's ADHD Parents Together

22,811 members6,105 posts

Really tough mornings with 8 yr old

Sfmom profile image
14 Replies

Hello, my son has ADHD and is currently on Concerta and Guanfacine which work very well. Before he takes his meds in the morning, he yells, is destructive, swears and goes into mealtdowns over nothing. When that behavior starts, I try to give him prompts that he will lose IPad or play time if the behavior continues and usually it does nothing to change the behavior. I am wondering if having consequences for these behaviors is even worth it since the behavior doesn't improve? When his medications start working, he is like a different person and seems to feel bad about how he acted earlier. Am I expecting too much out of him in the mornings? How much control does an 8 year old have when his emotions are taking over?

Written by
Sfmom profile image
Sfmom
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Read more about...
14 Replies
Pmommyof5 profile image
Pmommyof5

SFmom,I dealt with this with my 9 year old for two years before I realized my boy was not receptive to consequences because I would use it as a way to get him to do things I wanted. I remember he would even say here is my device he is my legos here is my toy take it all I am not getting dressed and it drove me crazy and I’d be exhausted by the time I got him to school.

I learned through behavior therapy that It is important to give your child what they want but not be too harsh on consequences because if not then get to the point that any consequence has no effect since we pretty much take away at any given point what they play with.

What we do know is we left him know this iPad is a privilege that you either get to use or have a reduction of hours in using it. Taking it away for the whole day doesn’t work when their world is about technology but taking away 15 minutes, 30 or 1 hour is an appropriate consequence. We also wrote down the Privilege and the loss of privilege time on a poster board and we placed it where it is visible so he knows what is expected. We don’t use the word consequence we refer to it as you dont want to lose your privileges.

The idea behind it is they need to do XY&Z but if they don’t they give themselves a consequence of losing their privilege for 15 minutes, 30 or 1 hour after school.

Also praising them it’s most important, they lose motivation quickly so the more you praised the more they will continue to show you good behavior. Our mind remembers the bad behaviors as compared to all the times they do behave so we also as parents need to adjust our mindset and find those good parts of the day to praise them for.

For example we tell our boy you did really great today on getting dressed and you didn’t ask for help. If you keep up the good work for 5 days you’ll get a reward for that awesome behavior buddy.

Unfortunately some of our kids don’t respond to consequences like others.

My other kids are easier but I know how harsh mornings before meds can be. Ours takes Guanfacine and Focalin XR and he is a completely different boy. Ours does everything yours does and says and screams and he wakes up at 5am every day so it’s hectic and frustrating I can relate.

Also it is difficult to control his emotions because of the ADHD so you can’t be to harsh but involve him in the privilege process.

Sfmom profile image
Sfmom in reply to Pmommyof5

Thank you so much for this! I really needed to hear it. I definitely need to have a different approach to the privilege/consequence in the morning. He needs something to look forward to.

MaudQ profile image
MaudQ

You might want to talk to your psychiatrist about timing the meds. We give our daughter her medication right when she wakes up which really helps with the mornings. But your psych might have other ideas. Mornings used to be our nightmare. Here’s what helped. We started bringing her breakfast in bed. She had OJ, medication, food and sometimes when she was a bit older tea. Getting the meds in first thing is key! Then a very structured routine that was as easy and simple as humanly possible to follow with us doing all the stuff that kids that age are supposed to be be doing themselves 😊 So I chose an outfit, hung out with her when she got dressed, packed her backpack etc. And my husband got her little brother ready so they wouldn’t fight as much. Slowly, slowly she got older and more mature, her meds were tweaked along the way and her anxiety about mornings was alleviated (ours too). We also set firmer boundaries on some things: no fighting with sibling, no excessive whining/complaining/drama. We are now peeling away the support. But I’m not in a super big hurry - she is leading the way on this. Good luck!

Sfmom profile image
Sfmom in reply to MaudQ

I love your ideas! I always try to have him do things for himself but I may be setting him up for failure.

mamafrog2014 profile image
mamafrog2014 in reply to MaudQ

What medication and dosage. My 7 year old started guanfacine (Tenex) about a week ago and we cant seem to figure out the best time to give it to him. But we have similar morning struggles every day before school. its hard to tell now that it is summer but still struggle with being compliant to everyday tasks such as getting dressed and brushing teeth without telling him 20 times and him screaming and being defiant

katcald profile image
katcald

we struggled with this for years with our son who is also on Concerta (generic.) Before the medication kicked in his behavior was horrible and he couldn’t complete a simple task. The doctor prescribed an additional 10 mg booster. Every morning, 60-90 minutes before he needs to get up, I wake him and give him the booster then let him go back to sleep. When he does get out of bed he can stay on task and isn’t out of control. I don’t give it to him on weekends or holidays, just let him watch TV until his main pill takes effect and he calms down. Hope this helps!

Sfmom profile image
Sfmom in reply to katcald

I love the idea of the booster. I will look into this. Thank you for the advice.

Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971

Such great suggestions from other members. Our son takes a 24 hour dose of Initiv at bed time. So it covers him in the am and makes it so he can function.

Consequences have just "fueled the fire".. Unless he comes up with them. They always hurts parents more than kids. Or we feel the pain more...

I hope this could help and it seems like an easy solution.

Good luck!

Sfmom profile image
Sfmom

Thank you so much! I really struggle with the consequences. I think I am too quick to take away privileges. I should be more realistic about what I should expect from him.

Onthemove1971 profile image
Onthemove1971 in reply to Sfmom

Giving consequences is very hard.

Do you know about the Podcast- Parenting ADHD, by Penny Williams?

I wish I had known about it when our son was little.

She is a parent and has such wonderful stories that really made me think... why am I parenting this way ( of course no one wants their child "walking all over them"). But most parenting decision we make we are using from parenting a child that does not have ADHD.

If you can please listen to the podcast, especially on punishment/consequences.

By the way... you sounds like such a caring, loving mom trying to do your best.

So glad you Hve joined us! We are. Team working together..

hope2023 profile image
hope2023

Just think .. He can’t help it ! He can’t control this behavior in the morning . Maybe be quiet and ask him how can you help and give him his med as soon as he wake up with a piece of food . For me the best in the morning is just quiet , soft voice to them .. The don’t need to feel the stress we are going through . Good luck ! It’s very hard but you can do it .

JoeyDavey profile image
JoeyDavey

I have a 14-year-old and we still struggle in the mornings honestly before the medication kicks in. But I found that having a good routine and just staying out of his space helps. I know that’s harder with a younger child but minimizing interaction before medication seems to really make the difference. Also another trick is let him pick some music to listen to. Music seems to stimulate him in a way that counteracts the need to be aggressive and confrontational.But just be prepared for some obnoxious music that you can’t stand first thing in the morning! I’d love to sterm towards classical what sometimes works but often we get YouTube parities! Good luck!

HoldingonLou profile image
HoldingonLou

Thank you for posting this. It makes me feel like my family is not alone. I needed these recommendations too because I struggle with this with my son too. I guess the closest thing I can relate it too is I don't want anybody talking or asking me for nothing until I've had my coffee. I will bite your head off. That's my pill.

adhd3 profile image
adhd3

Talk to his psychiatrist, Concerta belongs to the Methylphenidate group. Jornay is same group . Jornay is given at night but works as the child wakes up in the morning. The other alternative might be using Guanficin XR at night before bedtime that might with his mood in the morning.

You may also like...

8 yr Old Focalin = increased impulsivity

stimulant, Focalin, but it increased his impulsivity; we noticed and so did his teacher. He was on...

Mom of a wonderful 5 yr old boy

parenting a child with adhd. How to handle his impulsive behavior. Also looking on how to Teach my...

Guanfacine for 4.5 yr old

We’re back down to .5 mg to see if his behavior improves. Does anyone have experience with...

8-year-old hoarding food

My 8-year-old son had ADHD and he takes Concerta, which really affects his appetite. He's lost...

11 yr old son. ADHD, anger/emotional rollercoaster

has no emotional control and does his best to push us until we break. This mood and behavior is...