Mom guilt starting meds

[HLMomof3boys]

Hi all, just needed a venue to sort through all the feelings I am having. My son is 8 and has had a lot of anxiety and meltdowns and major anger issues. When I read some old posts I am comforted in knowing I am not alone in dealing with the rage fits of my son. He has not been formally diagnosed with anything but the psychiatrist we see acknowledges his anxiety and mood swings so we were prescribed guanfacine xr. I’ve had the prescription sitting there for weeks because I am trying everything possible to “solve” this naturally. My husband has been begging me to give him the meds. I’ve cried more these last few weeks than I have in years. But last night I finally threw in the towel and gave him his first dose. Maybe it’s placebo effect in my head but he seems calmer today. He still got angry a few times but he didn’t explode and he was able to rein it in much quicker. But the whole day I’ve been feeling sad and guilty. I guess I feel guilty that I couldn’t fix this for him. I worry about the medium to long term implications of him being on medication. And as ridiculous as this sounds, I was really struggling with that little voice inside my head of my mom judging me and telling me what a wrong decision it is to medicate my son. But of course I realize it’s nobody’s business. No one knows what our family has been going through and living with. And even if I try to explain it you don’t really know it until you live with it. And the fear and anxiety that goes along with having him in the house. That’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to the whole family. If this medication can bring some peace and calm and stability back into this family well, we deserve that. So I guess I’m saying I came around and although I’m still really scared I finally feel a glimmer of hope that things will get better. As a side question, do people still continue their crazy vitamin regiments once their kids are on meds? Thank you all for listening and for the support.

[Aspen797]

Big hugs. It’s so tough making choices for our kids and not know how things will turn out. I think most parents on this board initially struggled with the decision to medicate. The good news is the vast majority are glad they did. Medication is an important tool in our kids tool box. It’s not the only tool, but it can be critical. Our son takes guanfacine. For him, it is very helpful. It helps with emotional regulation and executive functioning, not so much for attention. It helps him to slow down his emotional response enough to hear us before reacting. The outcome for him is that he hears a lot less voices of frustration, less use of consequences and rewards, more fun with different people and generally more friendly interactions from other people to him. Mom guilt over that? No. Remember that he stands to benefit from this tool. This is a present, not throwing in the towel!

Speaking of tools, have you looked into Mightier.com? Our son is older but we just got it anyway and have been impressed. It is essentially biofeedback—teaching emotional self-regulation via video game and heart rate monitor. The beauty of it is that it is fun but inspires daily practice with recognizing excitement/anger and using techniques to regain calm. Check it out if you haven’t already.

Regarding supplements, we still use them. If your curiosity is piqued, your pediatrician might be able to check for deficiencies. Our son’s profile indicated a need and he does appear to do better with them.

Fingers crossed that guanfacine works for your little guy!

[HLMomof3boys in reply to Aspen797]

Thank you so much for your reply. Although I think his emotional state is better, today when he was doing his homework he started getting very upset and said that his head was hurting. When I asked him to elaborate he said he’s felt “goofy” since yesterday. Now I feel guilty again and I think I will not give him his dose tonight. In addition, he’s developed this awful constant throat clearing. We’ve been writing it off as allergies and giving him allergy medication but who has allergies at this time of year? We live in the northeast there is still snow on the ground! It’s just not an easy road. There is not magic pill so I guess I have to wait to discuss with his doctor this week. I am actually really going to dive deeper into the neurofeedback option. Thank you for the suggestion of mightier.com I will check that out too. Would you mind sharing what supplements you think are most useful? I have him on a daily regiment of omega 3s, magnesium, zinc, probiotic, b6 and am thinking about l-Theanine. It’s crazy how many vitamins he takes in a day. Thanks again for your support.

[Aspen797 in reply to HLMomof3boys]

Different parents in this forum have seen different results with guanfacine and their kids. Unlike stimulants where the effect is pretty immediate and short-lived, guanfacine can take longer to show it’s efficacy (or non-efficacy) and to adjust to (side effects like sleepiness often go away with time). Because it is a repurposed blood pressure medication, it needs to be tapered both up and also off, unlike stimulants. If you give it a couple of weeks, you and your doctor may have a good idea of whether you should continue, modify, or stop. There is great article on guanfacine here: sciencedirect.com/science/a.... It’s a bit dense and science heavy in places, but very clear in others and easy to skip around to the helpful parts. I think you might feel better about it having seen it.

Have you had your son evaluated by a developmental behavioral pediatrician? They (or neuropsych) might be very helpful in teasing out developmental issues that could be contributing to difficult behavior. Anxiety is often the cause, but the root of that anxiety can be sensory, perceptual, or cognitive differences. It’s so helpful to get past presenting symptoms and get to the underlying skill areas that could be addressed through various types of therapy.

Our son processes some nutrients very poorly, so we do daily B-complex with methylfolate, MZI from Accentrate and Nordic Naturals fish oil, but that’s just us

BTW, just in case relevant, guanfacine is also used to help treat tics, if you are thinking your son might have a predisposition. Ours does.

Edited to add that the vitamin mix we do is for overall health, not a substitute for medication, which for us was a game changer.

[jam1959]

It can be hard to realize we can’t fix the problems in the same way as we would for a neurotypical child. It may take a while to see how the medication works. The tics may go away but ask your doctor. As far as the goofy feeling, he may not realize how it feels to be more in control of his feelings. Hopefully after a few days you can point out improved behaviors and reward him. Hang in there!

[Laura3456]

Hello

I tried vitamins for about 2 years or any "concentration formula" i could get my hands on. I saw minor changes but to be honest i am fairly convinced they were in my head. Others may well have different experiences. It was only on parents evening (aged 8) when i was told my son needed to see an education psychologist and something was wrong with him that i took the leap.

Day 1 medication (a stimulant) - boom - i wont say it was solved for my DS but it came very close as far as school and his teachers were concerned. I dont think anyone wants to medicate their kids, sometimes i have a pang of sadness that we are having to do this. However what i now have compared to 2 years ago is a happy, healthy child - bit quirky - but who is really excelling at school and feeling quite rightly proud of himself.

I just think to myself when he is an adult then it will be his decision.

[Ditmasmama]

I totally hear you. My mom still questions our choice about medication and it’s something I need to work through. The decision to medicate is tough, filled with lots of guilt and shame. Our son is 7 and has been on medication since September. It’s been a long road of adjustments of medication and doses. We’re still tweaking things. But we do feel good knowing that he’s been able to have a far more successful year in school in terms of behavior and getting along with others. And it’s improved the dynamics in our family system . You can’t parent well in a place of fear, anxiety and constant fatigue.

It’s important to acknowledge that you’re doing this to help him be his best self. You’ve done so knowing that there is a lot of data supporting your decision. You will monitor the situation closely and make adjustments as needed.

[anirush]

My daughter who is now in her 30's took Ritalin into college. She now has a master's degree and makes more money than I do.

Her two boys inherited her ADHD/anxiety. Both take guanfacine but with other medications. The older one is in a collegiate program in high school. He would never have gotten in if he were not stable on medication.

Not every medication is great for every child. We have stopped some medications because of side effects. But when you find the right meds or combination of meds and your child is able to do well and feel good about themselves it is such a plus.

[HLMomof3boys]

Thank you everyone for your replies and encouragement. My biggest fear was medicating him to manage the emotional meltdowns but then creating a new problem with his academics which has never been an issue. When he complained about feeling goofy and getting headaches trying to concentrate it scared me. Honestly, this is just going to be a long road. I am trying to educate myself as much as possible and hopefully figure out what’s right for him and us. Thank you all for the encouragement and support it really is so wonderful to have a forum with such genuine caring and sharing.