Parent Seeking Assistance: I’m new here... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

CHADD's ADHD Parents Together

22,810 members6,105 posts

Parent Seeking Assistance

Suzy76 profile image
13 Replies

I’m new here. My son is in 4th grade and has met the criteria for ADHD. We are meeting with his school next month. Does anyone have any tips on how to prepare for it? Also, I was wondering how to help Ryan with online learning. He can’t focus or engage with his class. I work full time and I can’t sit with him every minute to make sure he is paying attention. It’s been extremely challenging. Thank you in advance for your help.

Written by
Suzy76 profile image
Suzy76
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
13 Replies
Birdwatcher19 profile image
Birdwatcher19

Do you have a formal diagnosis for him yet? If so, medication would likely help with his ability to focus. If not, that would be where I would start (his pediatrician can diagnose him, although an assessment by a psychologist or psychiatrist is preferable). As for the school meeting, what is it for? Are you looking to get him a 504 or an IEP? For a 504, you would just need evidence of a formal diagnosis, and some ideas of what accommodations you are looking for to help him (some typical ADHD accommodations are frequent breaks, reminders, “chunking” tasks, extended time on tests, etc.). You can Google to get an idea of these, or if you are doing any testing, they will generally include suggestions in the written report. (If you are concerned about his academic progress and looking for the school to do testing, you need to formally request in writing that he be evaluated for special education services, and that will begin the IEP process.) In the meantime, you can give him things to fidget with during class, which may help him focus (putty to keep his hands busy, resistance bands on his chair to keep his feet busy, that sort of thing). Visual timers may help, as well, and lots of movement breaks. I don’t know if that helps/is what you were asking, but if you give some more details on where you are in the process, I can try to help more. Good luck. Remote learning is really difficult for a lot of kids, especially our kiddos with ADHD.

Suzy76 profile image
Suzy76 in reply to Birdwatcher19

Thank you so much for your reply. Sorry it took me so long to reply. I received a formal diagnosis last week. We will get a 504 or an IEP with the school in 2 weeks. It helps what you are saying. I want to give my son medication, but unfortunately, my husband does not. We are just in the beginning of the process. Thanks for the luck. We sure need. It is nice to hear that remote learning is especially difficulty for my son.

Nitaraeg profile image
Nitaraeg

I am a single working mom of two kids. Luckily our school district is in session and we haven't had much covid in our tiny town. Last year though during the stay at home I still had to work and do the online thing with my adhd son. Obviously what helps him may not help everyone. But I had a weekly planner. The teachers had all the assignments posted for the week with a Google meet on Thursdays. Everything was due Friday. I made it the goal to have everything done by Thursday. We made most of the assignments on Monday and tapered off. Then evenly dispursed hard assignments/subject putting the bulk of the most difficult first. Doing that got it out of the way while the week was fresh and the fun/easy things made the rest of the week less painful. But assessment/testing weeks I would find myself in our vehicle wherever there was wifi. Doors locked. He had nowhere to go nothing to fidget/play with. I was 100% focused with him and it pressured him to be focused. I hate that, he hates that, but if it came down to it, it was better than getting behind or getting 0%. That was a last resort move. I also have a desk in my house that sits at the end of a hallway in its own 3 sided corner so he is less distracted during homework time. I lock up toys/games/etc. that become distractions. We are not on medication yet, he is in the 7th grade this year. And this is the 4th year trying to obtain a 504/iep from the school. We are very close to reaching all of them. A formal email/letter with requests (including academic evaluation and letting them know what works and what doesn't work) helped get the ball rolling. They have 60 days from your request to obtain and present results. And for a 504 you need an official dr diagnosis with Dr records. That often means seeking the medication route for your child which I wish I would have done years ago. And an iep they basically have to show your child has a learning deficit of a certain degree. If you feel the school still isn't helping after multiple attempts with your ducks in a row, I highly suggest contacting the principal/school psychologist face to face and then if still nothing your local county board of education and then from there is the state board of education. They all can put more pressure on the teachers and school staff to get things done and investigate more to get things done.

I feel your pain with the online thing. The only way I was able to get through was taking some fmla days when needed. I work 3rd shift so I have my parents or their dads watch them while I go to work, then I would come home and sleep for 1-2 hours, do the schooling, and hopefully get another 3 hours before I went back into work. It was rough but ya gotta do what ya gotta do for your kids. You are their best hope 99% of the time right now. Figuring out his struggles and helping him organize his time I think will be a game changer. My son likes knowing what he has to do. Having a dependable routine that doesn't change much helps him so much. Along with good sleep, balanced diet, some outside time when he gets frustrated, and a reasonable reward of his choice to look forward to if he reaches his goal. Those are all things he appreciates. Reward for him can be as simple as some Hawaiian Punch with dinner (we usually don't have sugary drinks in the home), family movie/game, family walk/bike ride, his favorite dinner, 30 min Xbox, etc. It can be alot of work but it is worth their future. Always remind yourself You got this!

Suzy76 profile image
Suzy76 in reply to Nitaraeg

Thank you so much for your reply lengthy comment . Sorry it took me so long to reply. I received a formal diagnosis last week. We will get a 504 or an IEP with the school in 2 weeks. I want to give my son medication, but unfortunately, my husband does not. We are just in the beginning of the process. It is difficult to remember that I got this.

Nitaraeg profile image
Nitaraeg in reply to Suzy76

I never wanted to medicate my son. It is just to the point where school has become impossible. Last year we tried the "natural" routes which had no effect. We just started Vyvanse and Vitamin D and my kid has not even gone up on it yet and we are both at the wow factor stage of it. He is still my kid, still normal, just does what I ask now. I don't have to repeat myself a million times and nag all day long and he isn't grumpy. He himself said that he notices it is so easy to pay attention to details of things he wouldn't have otherwise cared about. I'm hopeful for when school starts tomorrow to see the benefits. He is practically failing every class. Even the ones he likes and is good at. The CPT test at the dr did reveal he has severe adhd. His fidgeting is out of control. I've notice the medication has helped with that a lot too. Sometimes it may not take much to help in big ways. Or brains don't always make what we need or sometimes too much. I have epilepsy so in my case my brain can misfire and cause seizures. But medication prevents that and helps my brain work the way it was meant to. The meds they have now are so much better than 10 years ago. You can still have your kid. Even our dr said the last thing we want is to dope him up and him not be the same person. I also think having a good dr who has been in the practice a long time helps so much. We also see a counselor who has sons who have adhd and our dr has adhd himself since he was young. I guess we got lucky idk. But good luck. I hope you find something that works. Never stop educating yourself, never stop trying new things that might help, always try to communicate better with each other, and above all know (even if you have to repeatedly tell yourself or put post it's up) YOU GOT THIS!

BlueGreen8 profile image
BlueGreen8

Hi, I have had my first two PPTs (meetings regarding the support services he's getting) at our son's school. Our son was diagnosed with severe ADHD last year. He's not on any medication (just some supplements that seem to be helping), but doing really well overall all things considered. We have made a lot of progress through adjusting our parenting tools and expectations that better fit his neurological needs, and by adding behavior modification (OT) support and advocating for his needs at school. If you'd like to talk, lmk and we'll think of a way to connect. BTW, we live in Stamford, CT

Suzy76 profile image
Suzy76 in reply to BlueGreen8

Thank you so much for your reply. Sorry it took me so long to reply. I received a formal diagnosis last week. We will get a 504 or an IEP with the school in 2 weeks. It helps what you are saying. I want to give my son medication, but unfortunately, my husband does not. What supplements are you using? We are just in the beginning of the process. What parenting tools are you using? What is behavior modification (OT) support? I’d like to connect. I’ll send you a personal message. Thanks agin!

pink318 profile image
pink318

Hi- My godchild was diagnosed with ADHD and I saw my friend challenged by the effects of this. He has medicine to calm him down and be more focused. My friend made him a schedule of activities for the day and he also has sports.

My friend is working so she has someone to take care of my godchild and she makes sure he has enough sleep. According to her, if he lacks sleep he’s cranky and he won’t pay attention.

Virtual learning is hard for a lot of kids, I hope you can find one that will work for your son. Please keep us posted. God bless.

Suzy76 profile image
Suzy76 in reply to pink318

Thank you so much for your reply. Sorry it took me so long to reply. I received a formal diagnosis last week. We will get a 504 or an IEP with the school in 2 weeks. It helps what you are saying. I want to give my son medication, but unfortunately, my husband does not. We are just in the beginning of the process.

ADHD_DAD profile image
ADHD_DAD

Hi. Not sure what you mean by "met the criteria." My assumption is that the school has completed its evaluation and confirmed the medical diagnosis from your son's doctor. If so, here is some of what you need to know for the upcoming meeting. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) governs which children are entitled to and IEP. However, even if your child does not qualify for an IEP, a child with ADHD does qualify for a 504 plan (Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973). All that is required is a formal, medical diagnosis of ADHD. Your child can receive far more services with an IEP and it is more enforceable (although the 504 plan is enforceable as well), but a 504 may be sufficient. With either, the idea is to provide the disabled child (get used to this term; ADHD is a disability) with the same opportunity to enjoy success he has worked for as is offered to a child without the disability. 504 plans use the words "reasonable accommodations" to determine what to provide for your child. Think in terms of another disability like paralysis. In order for a paralyzed child to have the same opportunity to be educated as a child without her disability, she needs ramps and perhaps access to an elevator. In contrast, a child with ADHD may need a separate testing room without distractions, extra time for exams or homework with opportunities for motion breaks. Given the slower processing speed, taking contemporaneous notes may be more difficult than for a child without the disability, so perhaps copies of notes need to be provided by the teacher. Perhaps time management is an issue. Your child may need to have assignments broken down into smaller, more manageable pieces with specific, written instructions and deadlines for each piece. Perhaps unnecessary repetition (busy work) is particularly challenging for your son. Perhaps he needs to be able to demonstrate mastery with fewer examples. While a child without ADHD may be able to complete 12 math problems in 90 minutes, it may take a child with ADHD 4 hours to complete those same problems. Limiting the number of problems helps level the playing field somewhat (but get used to it; your child with ADHD will always have to work harder than children without). So go into the meeting knowing what you want and make sure you get it. I used to use a technique that I would call (privately) the "illusion of choice." I would have several ways to bring about the same thing which allowed me to appear to be compromising and letting the instructors and other attendees appear to choose the accommodations while any choice leads to the same outcome. Don't be married to the wording that you create. As long as it accomplishes its goal, letting the teachers or other attendees select the wording can make them feel like a valued part of the team. Finally, always be the adult in the room. The meetings can be tense and the teachers sometimes become emotional (anger or tears; I have seen both). Think of it as your job for the day and leave your emotions at the door. It is not about you. You are there as an advocate for your child. Good luck to you. Let us know how it goes and reach out if more help is needed. Be well.

Suzy76 profile image
Suzy76 in reply to ADHD_DAD

Thank you so much for your reply. Sorry it took me so long to reply. I received a formal diagnosis last week. We will get a 504 or an IEP with the school in 2 weeks. It helps what you are saying. I want to give my son medication, but unfortunately, my husband does not. We are just in the beginning of the process.

ADHD_DAD profile image
ADHD_DAD in reply to Suzy76

You're welcome. I was where your husband is at first. I was worried that we would medicate away his personality. Now I see that ADHD is a disability that stands in the way of him being his best self. My son actually says it well. He is nearsighted in addition to having ADHD and he describes his ADHD medicines and his glasses the same way. He says he can live without either, but that with them, he focuses better. It takes awhile (at least it did for me) to view ADHD as a medical condition needing treatment rather than behavior. Be patient. I suspect that your husband is trying to be the best father he can be and believes right now that holding out on meds is the way to do that. If he's like most of us, he'll come around. I find that even when I think I have it all figured out, I really don't. It's a complicated journey and you'll make bad (in retrospect) decisions along the way. Don't beat yourself (or your husband) up about it. We are all just doing the best we can. Be well.

ADHD_DAD profile image
ADHD_DAD

Also, if you do not mind me saying, I believe that there is too much identifying information in your profile. Most people here are well meaning parents, but we have no control over who reads what we post. My advice would be to remove city name and your children's names and birth years from your profile . I am sorry if this is overstepping, but I know that you are new here. Be well.

You may also like...

Assistance for Note-Taking

has trouble paying attention to the lecture. I know there are devices out there to help kids take...

seeking- single parent w/adhd homeschooling kid w/adhd (am I only one?)

each other! how do you homeschool your adhd kids? how do you work from home with your adhd kid?...

Parent of adult ADHDer

middle school on. He has had a roller coaster of a life for not 'dealing' with his ADHD symptoms...

parenting a child with adhd

hi my son has an extreme case of adhd and I need help with understanding him better and how to...

New member seeking support and understanding

started 1st grade. Outside school he really struggles in social environments. Especially with his...