Any parents not medicate? Just diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, feeling very out of sorts

[Travincemom]

We just received the ADHD ODD diagnosis tonight and I am freaking out a little. The recommendation is medication and therapy but I am anti medication unless it's a last resort. I honestly dont know anything about either and am trying to do my research before our appointment to discuss medication on friday, but I am feeling very alone in my feelings. My husband just agrees with anything I say and wont give me honest feedback. Our 6 year old is very aggressive which is our main concern, recently we got him a punching bag to attempt to get his aggressions out on, it has not helped yet but is still new. Does anyone not medicate? Have ideas on how to naturally help?... am I making his diagnosis a big deal when it isnt?

[Hidden]

Welcome to the group! I totally understand freaking out. There's so much with ADHD and ODD and all the other things that come with it.

We personally do not medicate right now, but for a variety of reasons. Whatever you decide, I think you should remain open and be willing to consider a variety of solutions. I don't think it's a good idea to make an iron clad decision on anything especially since every kid is unique and there is no single solution that works for every kid. There isn't even a single medication that consistently works well for all ADHD kids. I think that's really what makes this such a challenging condition.

That being said, I think therapy is the first place to start, and your child's school, and maybe a 504 or IEP. We see a family therapist, and two school therapists, and a 504 plan.

I would also encourage you to work on a positive mindset about medication, whether or not you decide to use it. There's two thoughts that I had to repeat to myself when we first got the diagnosis:

#1 - if he was diabetic, I would have no hesitation whatsoever about giving him insulin. This isn't different.

#2 - Giving ADHD kids medication is like putting brakes on a Ferrari - it doesn't mean the car go slower, it just gives the driver the control he needs to drive safely.

And to answer the others - you're not making a big deal out of nothing, these conditions are a big deal! You're not alone either. The pandemic is just a rough time to be working through this. We got our diagnosis the same day as all the schools shut down back in March, so I feel you pain!

[Travincemom in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, it helps to know we are not alone.. I definitely plan to do my research on medication and options, and we have therapy at the end of the month. Honestly when we had him tested I guess I knew how it would come back but I also hoped it wouldn't.

[Cjkchamp]

When the diagnosis came I had a feeling of relief and a feeling of fear. What happens now? What do we do? How do we help him? We started with medications for my son at 5. He did not have any true success, and by the time he was 7 we were in real trouble. The behavior problems were overwhelming. Medications work for a lot of people; they didn't work for our son. The supervising psychiatrist at the clinic he goes to recommended broad spectrum micronutrients. I read up on the two companies, True Hope and Hardy Nutritionals, and we decided to give them a try. They changed our lives. Making any choice for your son has to be what is right for you. As hard as it is...keep pushing forward. Wishing you the best!

[Travincemom in reply to Cjkchamp]

Thank you

[Elijah1]

Do some reading about ADHD to understand about the diagnosis and its interventions. Options include Russell Barkley's Taking Charge of ADHD (he also has a webpage) and the National Resource Center on ADHD at help4adhd.org (funded by the US government to be a source of info for the public. It has no drug company money). In this way, you can understand what medication, education, and behavior interventions can and cannot do.

[Travincemom in reply to Elijah1]

Thank you very much

[Goofy1]

The alternative to medications will be an intensive look at how you and dad parent, learning new approaches, and supplements. You need to find a place that will observe you and dad "parenting" and then be ready to make some adjustments. Best of luck and do what you think is best for you and your family.

[Alzeh]

Hiya hun, i have chosen not to medicate my son as well. They keep blaming me for not medicating which is why he is not improving which is a load of rubbish. All they want is something to calm him down in school so they dont need to so much work. If you dont want to medicate stand by it hun she is your daughter. Get information maybe a psychologist and best way to help your daughter get through the day. Routine is very important for the kids and it will help you as well.

Hope this information help keep is updated, all the best

[Ggemom]

Medication is our saving grace. My 11 yo son was diagnosed (ADHD, ODD, anxiety and depression) last year and the medicine he takes allows him to function without chaos. Without it he is impulsive, obstinate, aggressive, argumentative, disrespectful, anxious and bouncing off the walls. We have done and are doing therapy as well, but it honestly isn't making much of a difference for us. Please check out ADHD Dude. He gives a lot of amazing info about how best to manage your kiddo and how to teach them the executive functioning skills they're lagging or missing altogether. I do not like to give meds to any of my kids without it being absolutely necessary, the previous comment about giving a diabetic insulin is very accurate. Please research with an open mind. My son is very grateful for his medicine. You're not alone....

[Travincemom in reply to Ggemom]

Thank you

[kitkatkattykat]

We tried a lot of things before turning to medication. Cut out artificial dyes (red 40, blue 1, yellow 5 &6) and saw a huge reduction in aggression, so I would start there if possible. Started supplements, which helped a little, this would include things like fish oil. Our saving grace has been medication though. School just became more and more of a stressor because my son wasn't able to truly focus on anything long enough to retain the information. We did try without the meds until 4th grade, so....9 years old.

I do kick myself some days for not trying the medication route sooner because there are some things that we are having to focus on that I think wouldn't have become a thing. If it makes you feel better about medication, my son is on Concerta which basically is out of his system by the end of the day and we can skip or stop at any time.....doesn't need to be tapered off or anything. Good luck! Knowing what is going on is half the battle 🙂

Edit to add: Look up the book "The Explosive Child." Major game changer in how we approached our son.

[Travincemom]

Thank you very much

[Lolmama]

This reply is a bit late as i don't come on as much now, but I got my diagnosis when my son was 5 earlier in Jan of 2020. He is 6 now and i felt very lost and desperate. He was very aggressive and I was trying all different parenting strategies. The one that finally worked was Russell Barkley's - He has a taking charge of ADHD book which is a bit of a difficult read but worth it as an introduction and then he has an 8 week step program - how to manage defiant kids book which goes into the details of the 8 weeks. We took twice the amount of time to do the program, but we went from our son being aggressive daily (and many extreme aggression events) to knock on wood 2.5 months now of no aggression. I'm not going to lie, the program was hard and confusing at times but it worked for him. We also are giving him nordic naturals ultimate omega jr which has more epa ingredient than dha, and i think that is helping too. Finally, i'm going to say both my husband and i really did have to transform the way we were parenting and still do to some degree because it is still a process and we are still using the program in his everyday life to reward good behaviors and weed out the bad behaviors. Again, i'm hoping the trend will continue because life got really bad this entire year and it's only been the last 2.5 months where we've finally turned a corner. You can reach out if you have any questions. It feels like a lonely and hopeless road, but you are not alone. Good luck!

[EmeraldWorld]

We treat with medication and still struggle. We’ve tried therapy but never got settled with anyone for the results we were looking to see. We’re just getting started with someone who I believe we can make progress with.

[Motherof3ADHD]

Dear Travincemom,

My son was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD at the age of 5. He is now 8. We started with educational and emotional therapy at a special school. We also entered into a diet study. We were assigned to the most aggressive diet group eliminating all sorts of possible triggers such as glucose, wheat, nuts eggs etc.

I am glad that we took those steps for 2 reasons:

1. Emotional and educational therapy is the most important an the basis. Most of the behavior in a way is amplified by our own behavior. It was a full family experience and effort!

2. We discovered that we were already providing very healthy food, and the additional diet did not provide an additional effect.

After the diet we started with methylfenidate. he has been on this for 2 years now. And the combination between the medication and the family approached therapy has changed our lives. He is still very hyper and sometimes I get very frustrated. But we have learned to go back and analyze our and the families behavior and project that on what it might mean to him! He is also still in special school (max 12 children and a specialized teacher).

Good luck! Be open for help, and don't hide what you are going thru. Sharing our story broadly has given us more help and assistance, and you also learn that in other families the sun does not always shine! and allow yourself to have a bad day.

Deep down most of those children have an enormous creative, social and sweet character. They are able to achieve the world when they learn to canalize their energy and powers in stead of allowing it to bounce like a bouncing ball!

With love!

[Maryca1974]

Of course you have to make the rights decisions for you and your son. Each of us have a different path. But as a person who takes depression meds, which I avoided for years, I wish I would have started sooner. We too avoided meds for our son with anxiety and adhd, until he was in 6th grade. Our years later, with meds and therapy, he can explain how he felt at school back then, I wish I would have started earlier. I did what I thought was best at the time.