Virtual “learning” will be the death ... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Virtual “learning” will be the death of me

Matzijoe03 profile image
17 Replies

Hello, hello...is here anybody out there? I am losing my $h1t! I have three school aged kids that I have to try to keep up with. My son who is in 9th grade (diagnosed adhd) he lacks that can do will do spirit. So I find that I must check what’s posted in google classroom and give him a run down of what has to get done. His teachers post at different times and it just makes it difficult to set a schedule for him.

My daughter is in 7th grade, she is pretty good about completing assignments on her own but she does need assistance here and there with projects.

Finally we have my little one who is in pre k... I swear the amount of work assigned to this child is meant to be a full-time job. He has not been diagnosed with adhd but let me tell you he is exactly how my eldest was. His teacher asked me to have him tested. His pediatrician agreed his hyper active but suggested we wait until later this year to have him tested.

I cannot get him to sit through anyone lesson. He rolls around on the floor or chair. He is forever in the restroom during lessons. He can’t retain the information and it’s driving me bananas. I am especially frustrated with how much is being crammed into his brain at once. I am still trying to get him to recognize letters as number but the curriculum is pushing sight words and making sentences. I’d be happy if I could get him to learn the alphabet correctly and his numbers.

His daily assignments will take us about 3 hours to complete on a good day 😒

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Matzijoe03 profile image
Matzijoe03
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17 Replies
MVinSeattle profile image
MVinSeattle

Hello. Thank you for reaching out. I’ll just say you are Definitely not alone. I have three kids, ages 14, 11 and 7. My oldest has diagnosed Adhd. This is hard, hard work suddenly school our kids at home. And to have multiple kids in different grades with different learning styles is a major challenge for parents!

Teachers are also out of their comfort zones right now too. They are feeling the pressure to pump out instruction in new ways. At the end of the day, as the parent, you can decide what is most important for your child to learn and practice. For our kids with adhd hurtles, we know that to be motivated they need external motivators. That could be seeing something that interests them, a challenge to engage them, novelty to interest them, urgency to get them moving, and something they are passionate about.

Can I share what’s been helpful for us?

-Ask kids where and how they’d like to get their schoolwork done. Give them options so they have buy in and learn to take ownership for their efforts.

“How many subjects do you want to try and get done before lunch?” “Do you work better with a cushion on your chair or when you stand at your desk?” “Would you like to do flashcards to practice your letters or practice writing them with a marker on your white board?

-Model empathy for them. “This is hard work you’re doing!” “You must miss being with your friends at your school.”

—Use this time at home to allow your family to get to know each other better. What could your oldest Child teach your youngest? What activity could every body do together? Take turns picking meals or activities.

-Give each other lots of grace to learn and process in their own ways. That’s parents included. Just do your best and hug your kids. These times will not last forever and we’re all going to be okay.

In short, these are challenging times for everybody. Use this time to make your family what you want it to be, not what a teacher says you have to do each week.

Wendyloree profile image
Wendyloree in reply to MVinSeattle

Good morning and happy to read your tips and will use them on our daughter. She is 14 years old and 2 weeks away from her 15th birthday. The struggle is reals and her motivation is in the toilet. Mind you she loves puzzles and finished a 1000 piece puzzle in a few days. She misses her friends and they video chat often. She struggles with anxiety and has ADHD so being out of school has been great for her. I know her teachers are there for her and I plan to reach out to them for further guidance. Thank you for your suggestions and will give it a shot!

CraftyG profile image
CraftyG in reply to Wendyloree

Hi Wendyloree! Just signed up for this community and it sounds like your daughter is the same as mine! Mine has been sewing and knitting instead of doing puzzles. Thanks for helping me feel like I’m not alone.

lukeyjen profile image
lukeyjen in reply to MVinSeattle

Thank you so much!!! You have great points-things I’ve forgotten about how my son learns. He is brilliant and that allows him too much freedom sometimes and we also forget that he needs guidance too.

Matzijoe03 profile image
Matzijoe03 in reply to MVinSeattle

Thank you so much for sharing your tips and encouraging words. Outside perspective was definitely needed! We discussed how they would like to tackle school work this morning during breakfast and I must add they all seemed excited to chime in. My eldest agreed he will work on helping my little one with his numbers 😀 they alone made me so happy. It’s the first time he is willing to help guide.

janeejo1 profile image
janeejo1

I am right there with you. Our school system is not counting the last quarter grades. The first 2 weeks of homeschooling were overwhelming. Too much work assigned because the teachers were unaccustomed to assigning work virtually. Now we have too little. My son is done with his 2 week assignments. I do want to keep my kids working so that they don't fall behind but also to give them something to do other than video games. My son doesn't have a lot of motivation for much of anything other than Fortnite. I do use a bit of bargaining based on that . I have 2 children/twins (boy and girl) age 11 both with ADHD. My daughter also Down syndrome.

Pre-K children don't sit well very long. Break into small chunks. Not sure what he is working on but go old school: color, build, pretend and perform. Don't worry so much about paper and pencil assignments for that age! There are some great educational videos for pre-k. While not for everyone, they do provide you a break.

I saw a post on FB that made me feel a bit better. It said,

"Dear Parents

Don't stress about schoolwork. When school resumes I will get your children back on track. I am a teacher and that's my superpower. What I can't fix is social-emotional trauma that prevents the brain from learning. So right now, I just need you to share your calm, share your strength, and share your laughter with your children. No kids are ahead. No kids are behind. Your children are exactly where they need to be."

As a former teacher (but certainly not a home school teacher), I believe this. We will all make it through this. I believe in the end we all may be better for it. Best Wishes.

CraftyG profile image
CraftyG in reply to janeejo1

Thank you for sharing this! It made my day.

Gavlarb profile image
Gavlarb

Try a different learning style for him. Make it fun, so he doesn’t realize he’s learning. I have had similar issues with my kids (2nd & K). We alternates between writing, discussion problems, then drawing, games, etc so he has a break from each style. We have done egg hunts with site words, obstacle course math games, sidewalk chalk drawings for spelling & math, bake something & teach them math, etc. There are also many fun apps you can get. I have app games for site words, math, spelling, & reading. My kids LOVE games, so they actually will beg to do these. Sometimes I say, “Well you should probably be doing some work right now, but I’ll give you a break & let you play a game!” They literally think it’s all just fun games, when in reality they are continuing to learn. Every child learns in their own time & their own way, so as long as my children are progressing, I try not to stress too much about it.

MunchkinMommy537 profile image
MunchkinMommy537

I applaud you for at least trying to teach your kids. My 2nd grade son doesn’t want to do anything except play Minecraft, and since I still have to work (from home, but still), I don’t have the time to also be a teacher. Our school district has said everything is optional, but I still feel extremely guilty.

MollyBell13 profile image
MollyBell13 in reply to MunchkinMommy537

My 2nd header too. He would rather be playing games than school work... ha ha!!!

Matzijoe03 profile image
Matzijoe03 in reply to MunchkinMommy537

My son is the same! The resources from the school are endless. And I thank them for it but my son just doesn’t seem to care for it. The only one site he enjoys is math seeds. The school district here is saying the work is mandatory. They have to submit videos, class work within whatever time frame is given. They also have google meet 4 times a week. I am still working full-time in a dialysis facility. I come home and have to shower before I get anything started with them. I’m so worried that my husband or I will bring something home from work that I’m constantly disinfecting. I’m just ugh..exhausted and frustrated.

MollyBell13 profile image
MollyBell13

Hang in there! We are all in the same boat and it stinks! I have two that I need to help constantly (2nd Grade and Pre-K). My Pre-K hasn’t been officially diagnosed but school thinks she is ADHD. For her I have found that a schedule works best and to take it in small doses. In the morning I have both of my kids Run and do heavy work. It gets them to focus. My son isn’t adhd but it helps him a lot. We then have our daughter doing “school work” in the morning while my 2nd grader does his assignments. It entails 30 min at a time.

She can’t sit still either. I usually let her pick the assignment except for when she has video class each day. Her teachers actually conduct 30 min of class online for her which helps. Once the thirty minutes are done (we set a timer so she knows when that is done) we take a break and she does non academic things then back at it. It takes a while to get thru things but I find less frustration on both her and my part especially since I also have to work a full time job from home. ;). One other suggestion I have found is to not worry about site words yet focus on letters and numbers. At least here for kindergarten they teach reading and not all kids know site words when they enter kindergarten. I would also talk to your childs teacher and see if they can provide additional support for letters and numbers. Tell them that you feel your child needs more in letters before site words. More often than not they will be willing to provide support. It is rough I know hang in there.

Honestly if it were me I would make sure your eldest and daughter are doing their schoolwork. But, I would forget about doing any of the assignments for the youngest. Instead focus on what you said he needs, recognizing the letters. In the long run he will be further ahead.

I may be old school, but I think we are pushing our children to do what their brains are not ready to do. The focus at this age should be learning character traits such as sharing, patience, empathy, etc. The academics will come soon enough.

daesnana profile image
daesnana

You are not alone! Going thru same problems with 1st grader here. Kindergartener is cooperative. But 1st grader is driving me crazy, can't sit still. Doesnt want to do any school work! Loads of "fun" !!

Harimadsol profile image
Harimadsol

I’m going to kind of second what Rescuestory said. That is a lot and this situation is completely uncharted waters for everyone. I appreciate others chiming in and being of help to you. You guys rock!

These are just suggestions from me.

I’m already homeschooling our kids so this hasn’t been much of a change for us, but it has been a huge change for others. Maybe ask the 9th and 7th grade teachers what *absolutely* has to be covered (and maybe why...) and then focus on that. Ask what concept is being taught and the freedom to teach that in whatever way will help your kid get it. I find busy work an absolute waste of time as a teacher and when I was a student. Use a timer to break school into no more than 20-30 minutes at a time with and then take a break, 10-20 min. By about 20 minutes my kids’ attention spans are done. Maybe some physical activity in the break if that helps. My kids are only 9 and 7 years old.

For the preschooler, give yourself more grace. Good grief, sentences?! Make letters out of Play-Doh. Write chalk numbers and letter on the driveway or back yard fence. Sing songs that have to do with learning. Read picture books out loud and follow the words with your finger. Sight words actually can often be decoded once they know the sounds of letters (see All About Learning’s blog). Learning is fun, don’t let the busy work suck that out of your time together. He can’t really fail pre-K no matter what they tell you. He will be ok.

CraftyG profile image
CraftyG in reply to Harimadsol

Thank you so much for the advice for high schoolers!!! I’m going to email their teachers today and set this up !

penn_adhd profile image
penn_adhd

Let the pre-k kid move, let him fidget. See how much he retains from hearing things while moving. Sometimes they need to move to be able to concentrate. My kid needs to do that and some kids can get the ability to stand during lessons in their section 504 plans.

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