Separation Anxiety in Little Ones - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

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Separation Anxiety in Little Ones

justine_lynae profile image
9 Replies

Does anyone have experience with their little kids experiencing separation anxiety? My daughter has been having a tough time with this one for awhile and I would love some insight!

What have you tried? What worked and what didn’t? Did your child outgrow it?

We’ve recently been using one of those stuffed animals that come with a microwaveable pouch inside it to keep it warm. It’s been helping but she’s still very very nervous about me leaving her, especially at school. She rocks herself, paces around the room, cries and bites her hands and fingers.

Thanks in advance! :)

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justine_lynae profile image
justine_lynae
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9 Replies

I just have to say, awww and *sniff* to the microwavable stuffed animal and the crying and biting her hands. It just breaks my heart. I really don't have advice for that, but I just wanted to give you a big HUG,

justine_lynae profile image
justine_lynae in reply to

It seriously pulls at my momma strings! I drop her off for school and I swear she thinks I’m handing her over to these strangers for life. She just loses it, and it’s almost like she can sense that I’m leaving. When I do come home after work, she ensures that the moment I walk in the door I have to take my shoes off and my coat, because that means that I’m staying. 🤷🏼‍♀️

in reply to justine_lynae

Stop! I just can't! My 11 year old gets in the car and just reaches over and hugs my arm for a full two minutes before we can drive away....*sniff*. They are such loving beings!

Madmarie profile image
Madmarie

My son went through this. I’m a flight attendant, so it was especially hard! He’s ten now, and totally over it! Lol they get through it.

justine_lynae profile image
justine_lynae in reply to Madmarie

Ugh it’s so rough! My daughter is 10 now, but she’s developmentally delayed so that’s really not helping her ability to understand that I will come back for her... so glad to know that he’s over it now! There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. 😉

Pennywink profile image
Pennywink

How long does she cry at school after you leave? As someone who has the opportunity to show love & help children while their parents are away, most of the time the kids are over it within 1-2 min. It sometimes starts back up again when they sense the normal amount of time they stay with me is over or when other kids are being picked up. But for 98% of the time in between, everything is great.

Some things that helped when I dropped off my own children:

1. Let them take a small toy / stuffed animal (which you are doing.)

2. Ask them if there is something else I can leave with them to remind them Mommy loves them & will be back (my son asked I make a paper heart to put in his bag that he can get out if he gets sad or lonely.)

3. Start small if you can. It might be harder since she’s already in school, but my kids got use to being dropped off for just an hour in the church nursery / Sunday School, thus were a bit more comfortable when it came time for longer stays at school.

4. Find a way to facilitate a strong bond between your child & whomever is caring for them / teaching them. This is pretty much the key element for us - if they have a connection with whomever is in charge, things go pretty smoothly.

5. Lots of sleep & try to get to the place relaxed with plenty of time, not rushed / stressed / hurried.

6. Keep the goodbye short but sweet. A quick kiss, hug, smile, “I love you and I’ll see you when school is done.” Then out the door. Prolonging it can send the signal that they are right to be worried. You modeling positivity and confidence and calmness can have a big impact on her reactions.

Hope any of these are helpful to you!

justine_lynae profile image
justine_lynae in reply to Pennywink

She’s had full blown meltdowns and crying sessions for half an hour before after I left. Now, I think it could also be that they have a school assembly first thing in the morning. It makes her so nervous. They sing, talk about the announcements and have fun fact of the day. She doesn’t like the large group of people, loud sounds, the microphone, or people being too close to her. The school has done things to help, but they do want her to try to push through it. I know it’s separation anxiety, but I don’t think the assembly helps with it either.

I swear she is able to sense the normal amount of time she’s supposed to be there!! One specific days, only a couple times a week, she goes to after school care. It’s in her school. Apparently she has a hard time in that hour.

I’m so guilty for prolonging the goodbye. I get so nervous that she’s going to have a meltdown and I’m sure it doesn’t help her. They are working on independence with Lyla currently. It’s good, but hard. Lyla can’t unzip her coat or change her own shoes. Whenever I go to do it for her I usually get stopped by a teacher saying “oh! We’re big girls here. We’re practicing to be independent.” And I know it’s for the good, but I think it just stresses out her morning even more. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pennywink profile image
Pennywink in reply to justine_lynae

A big assembly would probably be upsetting to start the day - would she be able to go early to have quiet time first, or maybe sit out the assembly?

But I would encourage you to keep the goodbye short - you can even prep her for it on the way there. As I mentioned, prolonging it, in my experience, primarily validates their fear. And I would definitely follow the teacher’s lead on trying more independence. I know my instinct is to jump in & do things for my kids, but it also inadvertently sends the signal that I don’t think they can do it, which kids definitely pick up on an internalize. To build confidence, I try to let my kids make attempts and get it wrong, so that when they do finally get it, they learned a great lesson about their capabilities and the value of persistence.

anirush profile image
anirush

My twelve-year-old grandson had horrible problems with this one he was shown. Teachers would have to drag him away into the class. As he got on meds to stabilize his ADHD and anxiety his separation anxiety almost completely went away. He still gets weepy if I'm going away for any length of time.

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