12 year old ADHD combined type son of a single parent

[kaoskrsp]

Help!! Im running out of ideas on how to instill good study habits and work ethics. He is disorganized and tries to deceive me when it comes to school and homework. Please advise.

[Madmarie]

I feel your pain. I’m a single mom of a 10yr. Old boy with ADHD. We are starting behavior therapy next week. My son has a tutor he’s been working with for three years now. We also struggle with a learning disability.

The one thing that works with my son is I make him do homework before anything else. He loves to play basketball ball after school w/ friends. He also loves electronic time. He will not get any of these privileges until homework is done. He may have 30 or 40 minutes after school to decompress, eat a snack, after that straight to homework.

The tighter ship I run the better things go. I also am in close contact w/ teachers. They all have my number, and know to text me anytime theirs issues with assignments. Or behavior. It’s exhausting. Good luck!

[Janice_H]

Hello, I understand your struggles. I am a single parent also and work 2 jobs. My 11 y.o. son has ADHD, does these same things and does not have good study habits either. His backpack and notebook are cluttered and unorganized. He will say there was no homework given, will hide or throw out homework or say he has already completed the work. When I look at it, the work is not correct.

I would recommend you talk with the teacher. Perhaps she can send an e-mail to you each day with all the homework assignments and the due dates. Let her know your struggle at home.

You can help him by creating a checklist of all the assignments and projects and when they are due.

What helps me is having my son on a schedule and making him commit to it. We complete the easiest work after dinner. The hardest work is done in the morning after breakfast. If he does not complete his work, he loses a privilege or fun outing on the weekend. He has begun to be more responsible with his work now that I have attached a negative consequence to not completing his assignments.

[Watermelon5]

I agree with everything in the 2 replies above. In addition, it's helpful keep in mind that he is a kid who struggles and has struggled for the past few years. School is hard for him and takes more effort for him. Because of this, it's important to give him lots of positive feedback when he does get things done, even if it's not all of the work he was supposed to do. I'd say something like, "Look at what you've already done -- this is awesome! Let's see if you can do XXX now." Kids/people need tons of positive reinforcement to make up for the negative (I read that one negative remark is the same as 5 positives in terms of the amount impact it makes on the person). Start small. Maybe he needs a slight reduction in his homework -- anything that will put a little wind in his sail will help! Hang in there!!!

[seller]

If your son does not have either a 504 Plan or an IEP, you should get this in place as soon as possible. You can ask for reduced homework, or that homework be done at school with a resource teacher (if possible). I hope he's on ADHD medication because it's virtually impossible for your son to keep himself organized without it. Believe me when I say that he knows he needs to do his work, keep it organized, and turn it in. And he's lying because he doesn't know what else to say.....our boys are too immature at that age (and for years to come!) to admit that they either didn't do their work or have no idea where it is. Please don't punish him - he will come to hate school and everything connected with it. Our son despised school, homework, and us for years because of the "homework wars". I agree with the post below about rewards for homework completion, but he should not have much homework- maybe 30 minutes. We had to give a booster of methylphenidate so my son could even start his work, but the best thing for us was getting a tutor after school. She helped him with all his homework and I was only peripherally involved. This meant checking his Ed Line daily to see if he turned things in, emailing teachers, and going through his backpack everyday to weed out the junk and keep things in order. On final note: I can honestly say that there was never any benefit to any of the mindless spelling lists, pages of math problems, work sheets, etc that they gave out as homework. All of this could have been easily done at school, so don't feel like homework is a necessity.