New here and struggling

[Cactusmom]

I have a 9 year old son who I fight with constantly. He has not been diagnosed, but I have been researching ADHD for a while now and everything seems to fit..? We live in an extremely rural area and I pulled him from regular school 3 years ago. The school kept telling me how he couldn't keep up with daily tasks, which just didn't make sense to me. Now, with homeschooling, I see how smart he is (but everything is a battle). He doesn't listen. No matter what the situation. My husband and I tell him over and over...nothing. He has very little impulse control. He can say awful things with no regard to other people, then doesn't understand why it's inappropriate. He interrupts conversations constantly. He can get so amped up and just can't transition to calm or quiet. I truly truly believe he is a sweet, loving boy...but there are times when I don't even want to be around him. I have so little patience left and I feel like everything I say to him is negative. He doesn't feel like he's good at anything and now he's started lying to not get in trouble. I feel awful about it and am starting to develop stress/health issues of my own. My problem is, I don't know where to turn. Since we live pretty isolated I don't even have a clue where to start! Any advice would be soooo appreciated!

[Onthemove1971]

Cactusmom- You have "turned" to the right place here... We are supportive and understanding because we have gone through what you are experiencing.

Living with and understanding ADHD is a journey that we are all on. Some people are ahead of you ( because they have older children and have lived with this longer) and some are behind you ( just getting a diagnosis.

We are here for you any time with any questions, feel free to ask.

As far as your son is concerned, without medication, counseling and parenting training life will continue and for us it got much worse when I didn't have these things in place.

With medication, most of the time, when to dosing is right for the child it will not change his personality, it will make are the symptoms better. He will be able to control huh himself and focus but only with the correct medication and dose.

Most of the children also need to get therapy to work on issues that come up. I go into each session so I can get trained on how to deal with things. We were told Medication will only help %60 of the symptoms, counseling and parent training are ways to control the other %40.

I am hoping this helps in my opinion these are the best ways to handle all that is happening with your child.

Best of luck,

[Adam081911]

Hi- I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. We all struggles here with ADHD kids. I really appreciate this group so we can share stories and ideas on how to deal with ADHD.

I think you should first find a pediatrician or any kind of doctors who can assess a child if you still haven't seen him/her yet. Get a referral if necessary and get your son assessed. Without official diagnosis, there won't be much support for both of you....

My son is 7 in grade 2, diagnosed with ADHD when he was in grade 1. We started meds because nothing seemed to work for his behaviours and this ADHD was ruining our parent-child relationship. I thought instead of fighting every minute, try medication and see what happens. He tried 3 different kinds of meds, he is currently on the 3rd one.

This medication worked wonders. Our relationship is much better and he seems happier.

Please consider talking to a pediatrician, you can move forward from there. You don't have to do medication if you're not comfortable but at least, talk to someone.

I admire you though home schooling your child.

Good luck.

[DayFisher]

Your struggles are well understood and you are not alone. We are only 4 months into a diagnosis with my 11-year old and have learned so much already. We started with her pediatrician and lots and lots of self-education. I personally like the magazine ADDitude because of the knowledge it has given me and the resources that it also points out. The biggest help has been some online webinars that teach strategies to help your child and you overcome skills that are lagging due to ADHD. We struggled with listening, interuption and very poor impulse control. Seems that the focus needs to be on building skills to overcome problems that are present before you repeat every rule and request another million times...

I remind myself often, our children innately want to do good and that it is the ADHD symptoms, not the child, we are stressed over.