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Help managing my own behavior? (How to stop yelling)

MaudQ profile image

So I yelled at my kid last night - like really screamed at her. I’ve gotten much more patient especially since we got the diagnosis - but every now and then she really pushes my buttons. My ADD/Anxiety kid had a bee in her bonnet that she needed to make cupcakes at 6pm on a school night- I was trying to make dinner and I needed to walk the dog and my other kid was also in the room and I just couldn’t get her to stop pestering me and I couldn’t walk away ... And of course now I feel terrible. I need suggestions of how to keep my temper.

21 Replies

Must have been the day because I lost my cool too. I try to remember I’m a work in progress too. This is a journey for all of us in the house. What I try to do is once I cool down, repair that break down and talk with my daughter about my behavior, including apologizing. Depending on what went down and how much poop hit the fan, it can be easier said than done. I feel your pain though. Hang in there.

That also happened to me also. I have a nine year old son with ADHD bipolar and depression. I woke him up for school this morning and he just started throwing a fit and wouldn’t stop. I kept my cool for a minute but finally snapped and yelled at him. I feel bad for it now but I just can’t seem to get him to stop with the tantrums.

I also remember that our children hyperfocus on something and refuse to stop.. it is the positive quality about them when they grow up. I always say my son will be a great adult and do something amazing in the future, but he was not meant to be a kid...

Please treat yourself kindly with so much to juggle, remember the next day all is forgetten in their world. Kiss and make up, we move on..

same thing happens to me .. :(

You're not alone I yelled at my daughter to because she just doesn't listen or understand usually I go to my room and try and calm down good luck.

Our psychologist stressed a 5:1 ratio in all relationships. Five good interactions for one bad. It’s ok to mess up and lose it once in a while (you’re human!), but keep the good stuff coming in between.

Hugs, laughs, kind words, encouragement, guidance... when that stuff is coming five times as much as yelling, that’s what builds the relationship.

As a bonus, this applies to all relationships. 😊

Good luck! Be kind to yourself!

Change the tone of your voice like a high pitch, teacher voice, smile, look her in her eyes, Be very polite. But be sarcastic , tell her mommy is trying not to yell. Please listen to me me. Give me a moment mommys only one person to let her see & comprehend that you are flustered but you are smiling and asking nicley. And pray ask the lord to give you Patience and touch your tongue.

beemom profile image
beemom in reply to Kiandra

Ha ha, my kids call that my "chippy voice". I think they got "chipper" confused? But they know I mean business if chippy comes out....

Pennywink profile image
Pennywink in reply to beemom

Lol - yes! My husband says when I go super polite instead of angry, he finds it really creepy. He’s says it’s like I’ve gone Stepford.

Who hasn't lost it when you have a kid who won't give up. My grandson had a spell on Sunday when he wanted to go to the pet store and get a turtle. We have enough pets in our house he pestered me off and on for 3 hours.

I also always apologize later and say I shouldn't have lost my temper, that we both need to work on getting control. I think that also lets them know that sometimes they will lose it but they need to say sorry later.

Madmarie profile image
Madmarie in reply to anirush

My son will get stuck on something, and beg and harass relentlessly. I tell him you can ask me 5 times, or 50,000 times! The answer is still going to be no. This seems to help a bit.

Forgive yourself, it happens to everyone. If I blow my stack, I talk honestly to them about it afterwards. Like, "I lost my temper and I'm sorry. Parents are people and they lose tempers just like kids- just less often because we learn self control." I want them to see its ok to mess up if you just own it and try to get better.

Join the club. I feel awful thinking back the past 4 years of all the times I yelled at my now almost 8 year old son for all the stuff he's done (or didn't do) that he probably couldn't help because of his lack of executive functions.

Been there and done that. I feel like crap after. I leave the situation to calm down. Once calm I return with lots of hugs, kind words and hugs. Kisses too. Lots of "I am sorry for losing my temper because I get mad when you _____________________. My daughter is high functioning child with Autism and ADHD

You’re human! Give yourself a break. You will slip up like all of us. Now, If she is purposely pushing buttons, it’s even more critical to not show your anger because it rewards the behaviors and she’ll do it more. Best to pretend your her ‘therapist ‘ and not her mom in those moments. This removes emotion. If you can’t, just walk away. Go to your room for a break (to scream in pillow?) . If you do slip up, go cool off, come back later and say you’re sorry you lost your cool and move on. I wouldn’t explain or justify any more than that.

I don't know whether this will help. I watched Dr. Jim West's youtube channel and got understand the logic behind this condition better.

sorry the link is not working, just search "Jim West ODD". hope it works.

I can honestly say that keeping my cool and being open to what ever happens with my daughter has got to be a reason and a life lesson to learn while I am here in this life! I can relate to your post and keeping my cool is not a daily desire but many times it takes my focus to be cool minute by minute! I see my own therapist. I intentionally work to get things done ahead of time so if our initial attempts do not work then we have more opportunities before something is to be completed. I have learned to say "no" more if what we or I am asked to do does not fit within our routine or schedule. One of the many blessings of ADHD with my daughter is that I continue to learn how much I deserve self care and self nurturing so my bucket is kept filled and I am be the person I really am - calm, patient, supportive and loving. I wish you and yours all the best!!!

Thank you so much for all these responses - I really appreciate it!!

We’ve all been there! That’s why I love this site. You are not alone.

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