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Need some advice first time parent dealing with ADHd

Cphillips123 profile image
29 Replies

So my son was just diagnosed with Adhd and I'm scared to give him the medicine because I'm scared it might change the person he is. I can handle at home but they can't at school not even summer school! Please help give me advice on what to do ! I have other kids but it's my first time dealing with this! I'm still in disbelief and shock! Please keep negative comments I've been crying for two days

29 Replies
Onthemove1971 profile image

Cphillips123-First off, welcome to the group, we are a warm and welcoming group. It is not possible to learn everything all at once, so big deep breath. Also, big hugs!

When you have a child with ADHD and they take medication especially stimulants, it will at first seem like they didn't really take the medication. Most doctors start with very small dose and you see what it will do for them. There is not a one size fits all, so I really recommend you trying something to see what you think about if it decreases the impulsive behavior and helps with other symtoms. I would also not recommend only giving it to him when he goes to school because the environment is very different at school, you should see him in all environments to judge the medication and his behaviors.

If you decide to give him medication and it works and it is the correct dose your son, you and the teachers will really notice a difference.

Please remember that your son can still be a successful I strongly believe that giving him medication will help him even more because it will help him control him self and him him be more successful in school which will make things better for everyone.

Please let me know if I can help you in anyway, I can always share our journey.

Take care

Cphillips123 profile image
Cphillips123 in reply to Onthemove1971

Thank you so much please continue advise me I'm so scared

CarrieM219 profile image
CarrieM219 in reply to Cphillips123

Meds will not change him in a negative way. I have ADHD and have a 7 year old with ADHD. Don’t not give meds because you have a preconceived notion about it. If I have not had meds I would have never finished school.

Grateful17 profile image

I remember that feeling. It's going to be okay. Take it one day at a time. The Meds may help your son have friends and the bonus is, he will get better grades!

I was at a very low point when I learned about my son and my daughter! About that same time, I was invited to a college alumni tailgater and I don't know how the subject started, but about 3 guys I went to college with said they were ADD. I was shocked! This was a very good university and they were great human beings and accomplished. I didn't see these guys as having "issues" at all. I'm so grateful for being there that day. Wow, that encounter was what I needed. Anyway, if you try the medication, don't think it has to be 100% of the time. (I never gave it on weekends or holidays). I had to make sure my son didn't get behind on growing. It would have been nice for the behavior, but he wasn't a big fan and I couldn't push it.

You'll like this website. It's been a God-send when I needed support.

Onthemove1971 profile image

One day at a time, each day will get better.. Make decisions that will benefit him. Try not to take on to many things right now until you can get through this rough time right now.

When you wonder about things, please ask. We are here for you.

Cphillips123 profile image

Thanks you guys this really what i needed top hear and I will be relaying on you guys for help and understanding

Pennywink profile image

My husband had a very similar fears (not that I’m not also scared, but he refusing.) After seeing my son struggle and tell us he thinks his brain is broken (and this isn’t from anything we’ve told him,) My husband has consented to a month long trial - so fingers crossed.

My advise is: Don’t let anyone rush you into a decision. If the medication is changing your child in negative ways, contact the prescribing doctor - a change of dose / medication could really help. And finally, also realize NOT medicating also has consequences.

Here’s a great video for people new to the diagnosis:

Twhit profile image

My son is not ADHD, but ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and many of his behaviors are similar to ADHD/ADD. We not want to medicate him either, but 13 years we are at our ar our wits end with his behaviors and aggression. Our neurologist likes to deal with all natural so we are now using CBD/Hemp oil. It has had been very helpful and we are on our 5th week if giving it to him. You don’t need a prescription, but should watch where you buy it as it may not be true form. They are drops you give orally. If you go this route I can let you know what dose we have given our son. The website is Palmetto Harmony. Good luck and hang in there.

Oak24 profile image
Oak24 in reply to Twhit

I am interested in doing this for my 14 year old son. What is the dosage you use?

Twhit profile image
Twhit in reply to Oak24

Yes here it is. My son 5’9” 165 lbs, but the neurologist didn’t even ask about height and weight. If you can find a neurologist to prescribe it you can pay with your flex card if your have one. I did anyway. Keep in mind this has to be a gradual dosage and our neurologist said if after this week (this is our week 5) we still are not seeing a difference we can revisit and up the dose. His aggression has calmed down so much. He used to get mad at least three times a day and go after us. Scratches on the arms, hit, punch, bite, you name it. Now he does still get mad, but not aggressive and calms so much easier. Our son is non verbal as well and will be 14 in February. Good luck and let me know if you need any more indirect. Tish

Twhit profile image
Twhit in reply to Twhit

Oops here it is

Week 1: .5 ml at night

Week 2: .5 ml in morning, .5ml at night

Week 3: .5 ml in morning, 1 ml at night

Week 4: 1 ml in morning, 1 ml at night

Week 5: 1.5 ml in morning, 1.5 ml at night

Jaxy53 profile image

I completely understand what you are going through. My son was diagnosed at 14 in January 2018. I to was scared of medication. We decided in March to have him take prescription. He started on concerta and ended up at 27 mg but nothing was changing at school. We saw little improvements but the school was still sending him to office for being distracted ect. His personality never changed but I found he was more depressed on concerta. We ended up getting his genes tested to see what meds metabolize correctly in his system. Results stated that concerta was at risk for adverse effects. We switched him to adderral and it has been the best choice we have made! He is the same funny boy. His personality is still my jaxon and he is completely focused now. He went from failing 3 classes to passing them all at the end of the school year. His printing improved drastically. In he end do not be scared. I know now my son needs his prescription. He even tells me since we switched that he does not like it when he misses a pill. He feels normal now. It is trail and error though. Do not get discouraged as you have to find the right prescription and dosage. I watched Russell Burkley “essential for parent” very very good and a huge eye opener. My recommendation would be so all the research you can! Find out everything you need to know about ADHD. A excellent book is smart and scattered. There is also smart and scattered teens. That is the one I’m reading. Good luck and don’t feel discouraged. You got this mama!

Cphillips123 profile image
Cphillips123 in reply to Jaxy53

Thanks so much

lcoffey profile image
lcoffey in reply to Jaxy53

Can you tell me where or how you got his genes tested?

Jaxy53 profile image
Jaxy53 in reply to lcoffey

We used a company from Montreal called biogeniq. They mailed the testing kit and Jaxon did the test and mailed it back. We had results within 2 weeks. Really took out the trial and error except for dosage. It was interesting to see concerta as a adverse effect. He was not doing well on it al all. It seems all dr give concerta first. The cost was 285.00 but well worth it!

5Flyingeagle profile image
5Flyingeagle in reply to Jaxy53

Do you know if insurance will cover any gene testing? I have been thinking of doing it for my 7 1/2 year old daughter. It seems like that is the thing to do.

Jaxy53 profile image
Jaxy53 in reply to 5Flyingeagle

I have heard that insurance companies will cover the test. You need a dr referral though. We had our dr do up a referral but I have not submitted it yet to our insurance company

5Flyingeagle profile image
5Flyingeagle in reply to Jaxy53

Thanks, I will look more into it. My husband doesn't want to medicate her "she is too young to be popping speed" he says. I am torn; I feel it might help her in many ways. He doesn't deal with her like I do (24/7). He doesn't get her or how she is. If I did the gene test and found the right drug instead of trial and error, I think he might be more willing to try something. Do you if you can test for more than one thing? She has multiple things going on. ADHD both kinds, OCD, ODD and Anxiety are the main ones. I think she is high functioning Autism also but SARRC spent a few minutes with her and said she has some Autism traits but she is to social to have Autism. Sorry for all the questions but do you know if the doctor referral can be from her pediatrician (he specializes in ADHD) or a Developmental Pediatrician or some other specialist? Thanks for your help.

Pennywink profile image
Pennywink in reply to 5Flyingeagle

In our case, all referrals have need to come through the regular pediatrician who is considered my son’s “primary care physician”.

Recently the pediatric neurologist recommended neuropsychological testing, but she could not make the referral, it had to come from the pediatrician.

Justgreta profile image

My son is 8 and just started taking Concert in May. I felt the exact same way. I cried for days just thinking about it. My son has inattention type, so home was manageable but he was struggling at school. The medicine didn't change who he is, but made him better. He seems less emotional, more focused and overall happier. I think his brain isn't going a mile a minute anymore.

Positive vibes coming your way.

Cphillips123 profile image

Thanks that's the same thing they gave my son as well

Abbyhunt34 profile image

Hi!! I understand what your dealing with!!! My little stud (hes 4, and deals with more than just ADHD). I completely understand your reservations about meds and changing who he is. My little man takes Focalin and has been doing very well on it. Honestly his meds enhance who he is, I can really see who my son is because I can talk to him and play with him in a calmer more focused way!! His education and being accepted socially are not everything but they are important. Its hard enough for them to fight this daily battle without being bullied and left out. If his meds help him in these areas and most importantly to be a good person and succeed at the things that are important to him, meds it is.... ADHD is exhausting in addition to the other things but these things are my favorite things and the things I wouldn't change about him!! The choice is always yours and you need to decide what is best for him and your family. My best wishes and Good Luck!!!


Cphillips123 profile image
Cphillips123 in reply to Abbyhunt34

Thank you

EJsMom profile image

Meds did not change my son’s personality. Except now, he seems happy most of the time now.

Meds have NOT really helped a whole bunch as far as his schoolwork, he refuses to do that.

I love when I tell people that my kid won’t do his schoolwork and they say ‘oh I would MAKE my kid do it’ - haha they have no idea!

I do feel that he gets along better with teachers and other kids now that he takes meds. He has friends, which he really didn’t have in the earlier years.

Looks like you’ve gotten lots of good replies and support here!!

seller profile image
seller in reply to EJsMom

I just had to respond about the "make him do it"! If they only knew!

5Flyingeagle profile image
5Flyingeagle in reply to EJsMom

"Just make her do it, you are the Parent & she is the child" If I had a dollar for every time someone said that (a lot from my middle daughter, (she is 19 and doesn't live at home, but when she did she hardly paid attention to her except to say you can't wear that out in public take it of, even tho I really didn't care, not a battle that concerns me she is fine with wearing my shirt over her other clothes, no one is getting hurt. I pick and choose my battles.) Or you need to discipline her more, put her in time out, take things away from her. Doesn't work on her.

bambi0 profile image

Cphillips123... Let me tell u... I was in your boat and the wind finally shifted. My son is 10 now but our issues started when he was 5. Constantly getting calls and letters sent home. Written up n borderline suspension and expulsion. Now mind you I also have a 14 year old who does not have a single issue so yes I was spoiled for years. So when my younger son started having issues I did not know what to do. I moved in the middle of my younger son's kindergarten year thinking maybe new surroundings and new people and a change-of-pace would help things out. I was very wrong. Things and not get worse but they definitely did not get better. The second day of summer school after his kindergarten year the school that he was in told me that I needed to get him medicated or he was never allowed back there again. I simply told the teacher I'm going to have to start whooping his butt more because my child will NEVER TAKE MEDS. Well of course I've never hit my children so I just left and I took my son out and never took him back to that school again. The next school year started and it was great for about a month and then the behaviors started again and all through first grade I was AT the school at least twice a week with phone calls the other 3 days a week and he was failing. I then turned to a counselor during summer school after first grade when they told me that he needs to be tested and they actually told me politely. I started to then really think that he needed more than I could give him. Him and I saw a counselor and a psychiatrist and I had him go through 2 months of mental tests and therapy appointments before they could convince me that he had ADHD and ODD it took them 4 different doctors to convince me to put him on medication. They started him on a 5mg dose of Ritalin once a day n after the first day we noticed a big difference. About 3 months later We really noticed that come lunchtime his behaviors were coming back so we kept that very low dose but we just did it in the morning and we did it at lunch. his behaviors have never totally stopped but let me tell you what a relief it was that by the middle of second grade he was passing every class. I got a phone call maybe once a month and I was finally happy cuz I knew that he was finally happy. he's gotten older and ww have him now on 20mg in the am and 10 at lunch along with a mood stabilizer (guanfacine) to help. I cried when they put him on meds because I felt that I failed him as a parent because I had to "drug him up" and then send him off to school just so that he could be handled. I refused to give him meds on the weekends because he's home with me and I can handle him. He does not have 25 other children to distract and he can go outside and play all day when he's home. He just finished fifth grade and was very close to high honors. he was written up only once this year with a very bad behavior and I can almost promise it was my fault for forgetting his medication. I still get phone calls once in awhile he still has his bad days and he still has issues but the medication has helped so much! the principal and I work very closely together to monitor him and make sure that he doesn't turn into a zombie like I always feared. it just recently started getting back out of control again which just tells me that it's time to reevaluate his doses and possibly look at another medication because he's been on the same ones for 5 years now. it has been a very long 5 years. I have doubted myself at least once a day since he was in kindergarten as a parent and I am starting to come to terms with the difference between my 14 year old who is a straight A honor student and is as mellow as you can imagine and then dealing with my younger son who is the extreme opposite and it is all new for me. I joined this group to get help for myself along with my son because his outbursts still take me by surprise after we have had so many good months. when he does have his outburst and his breakdowns I Lose Myself and I doubt myself and I question if he's getting the care he needs. I do not believe that medication is a cure for everything but I do believe that in cases like my son and the hundreds and thousands of other parents out there with children like this that sometimes it takes that medication just to get them to be able to succeed and as scary as it is I look in the long-term of it. that if he's on a medication now there's always a chance he will outgrow it. there is always a chance that he will change and there is always a chance that he will learn and be strong enough when he gets older to self control to where the medication will no longer be needed but right now I look at it as he needs to succeed and I need to do everything I can to help him and with my son medication was the only route I had. I am happy i started him young or he would have definitely failed or been expelled by now. If u r not comfortable qith what the doc says get a 2nd opinion or 3rd or 5th like me. Dont do what u r not comfortable with. Do what is right for YOUR CHILD! support them teach them and learn WITH them.

Danseuse profile image

Medicine will not change who he is. It will allow him to be his better self. Please watch this great introductory video by noted ADHD specialist Dr. Russell Barkley. You’ll feel much better after listening to this presentation and you’ll realize your kid is going to be ok. Also, check out ADHD Dude on Facebook and YouTube.

Danseuse profile image

Oh, also join your local CHADD group for information, education and support.

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