How do you explain ADHD and ODD to your eight year old?

[Kchawla]

Hi,

I have a nearly eight year old boy who was recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. I am trying to understand how to best explain all of this to him. Any tips, advice or resources would be appreciated.

Thanks

[anirush]

At age 8 you're going to have to do some basic language. I don't remember the boys questioning their diagnosis much back then. We just explained that medication was going to help them do better in school.

[Kchawla in reply to anirush]

Thanks that is very helpful.

[sarahchiov]

Your son is probably aware that he struggles a little more than his friends at school and may even be beginning to feel socially different. My son was finally diagnosed at age 8 and it had already taken a bit of a toll on him socially and academically. He was aware that we were actively looking for ways to help him, so when we decided to medicate, we simply explained that this would help him focus better at school, and would help him control his impulses. He was immediately onboard, and was excited to try it. He wanted to feel better! He responded really well in the beginning and said how much he liked the way he felt at school. His teacher's feedback has been that he immediately began doing much better both with his school work and with his behavior. As the months went on, the side effects of the medication sank in a little, and the novelty wore off for him. Recently he doesn't like taking it as much. It definitely helps him focus on school work and control his behavior, but he says it makes him feel distant and not want to play with his friends at recess. We're in the process of working that out with his doctor, but overall, it's been an extremely good thing for him, and I know we will get it balanced out.

[Kchawla in reply to sarahchiov]

Thanks so much for sharing. My son definately knows something is up as he spends a lot of time in therapies of one kind or another. But no one has sat him down to talk about it. Perhaps now is the time.

[Daisy2278]

our therapist suggested the book All Dogs have ADHD. It is a cute book, my son liked it. The book allowed me to elaborate more own ADHD but I think they can better understand it becuse it relates to dogs and explains how ADHD can be a good thing as well.

[Kchawla in reply to Daisy2278]

I saw that book online and was wondering about it. We have a dog too who loves him and who he loves so it might be really the way to do it. Thanks so much for the suggestion

[anothermother]

Everyone faces challenges

We talk about how all people have their own unique strengths as well as areas where we struggle, ADHD or not. We talk openly about our own struggles ( eg patience, doing boring chores/tasks, being impulsive etc) so that our kids know it’s ok to acknowledge and identify that everyone has challenges and we’re always working to be our best self no matter how old we are. They should feel safe and accepted—family should be a judgement free and forgiving zone.

Why am I taking medicine now?

Medicine is available to help us live our best life: similarly to how eye glasses help people with vision problems see the world more clearly. It can take some trial and error to figure out what helps, but we will only stick with something if it is helping/improving.

I’m afraid the medicine will change who I am…

The right medicine (or treatment) will not change who we are; rather, it will help us struggle less so we can enjoy more time being our best self. We face some mild pushback from one of our kids every now-and-then, but all in all, she recognizes how much her meds help and that is evidence enough to help her come around. I suspect the pushback is more her ODD and not liking to be told she has to do something than any deeper issue. And when she does push back, I don’t fight with her. I simply remind her how much her meds help and then I let her come around on her own.