Fairly New Here

[ENA2018]

Hi,

My name is Emily and I have a 7 year old son diagnosed just this past fall with ADHD. He is currently taking concerta in the morning and 2 doses of ritalin throughout the day. My son is mostly on the hyperactive spectrum of this diagnosis. He is impulsive and defiant. He is aggressive and violent toward me. However, he can also be kind and loving. We are still working with a psychiatrist and counselor to get his regimen perfected. In the meantime, I lay awake at night wondering what else I can do for him. Why I am his target, and how to get my sweet boy back.. I am here in this web community seeking answers and friends that are in the same boat as me. I have no family or friends that have dealt with this before, and therefore do not understand what I am going through. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated greatly.

Eager to meet you!

Emily

[cindaroo]

I feel and know your struggle. Our son was diagnosed 3 weeks into his K year. This diagnosis came after first troubles at daycare, hiring a "shadower" to attend daycare for personalized discipline, seeing a psychologist at 4 years old, struggling through Pre-K with inattention, impulsiveness, anger and hyperactivity, seeing another psychologist at the start of K...then finally caving in to medicine, 20mg Vyvanse daily.

He's 10 years old now. An A+ student. Has played 4 yrs baseball, 2 yrs flag football and ran track...soccer tryouts this Saturday. He's learned a love of science experiments from his older brother, learned how to play chess, loves Monopoly and Yahtzee. (We wanted to introduce other strategies into his life besides video games...but don't get me wrong - he LOVES his video games and YouTubers.) He doesn't always want to, but needs to do homework as soon as he gets home! (Waiting until later brings on trouble) He still has outbursts, some friction with transitioning, still aggressive and impulsive at times...but still a lovable child when the moment finds him...although I have been the recipient of "I hate yous" and "You're so mean to me." Recently he has increased his anxiety about real-life situations (i.e. burgulars, death, injuries)...but we're working through it. We try to count our blessings.

The main thing we have kept up in his life is ROUTINE. As much as he tries to go astray, we are there to get him back where he belongs....and believe me he will try to throw it all out of whack. We will not negotiate on manners and responsibilities. He knows this now. He has also learned over time that there are things he can negotiate. Not just ADHD, but all kids need to know they do have some control over their lives. I think this is why he has given up on fighting the things we demand to be completed (homework, dinner, bath, bedtime...he still takes a while to fall asleep) It has been tough and only time has gotten us here, but I truly believe the consistency in his life has provided stability he can see and feel.

I'm not kidding, just last night he told me "Mom, I'm so glad I have you for a mom...I could've gotten somebody else and she might not do all the things you do for me"...I'm still holding back my tears on that one.

Never give up.

[ENA2018 in reply to cindaroo]

Thank you! Your post gives so much hope. We also try to stay in a routine, but as you mentioned sometimes it gets thrown off balance.

[FINDMYSON]

Hello, my name is Lisa and we are in the same big boat.....I am looking for the same help as you and I am relieved to now know I am not alone anymore.

So many family and friends say it is a "discipline" issue and ADHD is an excuse for not being a parent....

I miss my little boy too and hopefully we can find some answers together...

[cindaroo in reply to FINDMYSON]

You can assure your family and friends that it is not a parenting issue. We are parenting 2 sons and we are the same people we were when our 1st son was born. My older son is 16...responsible, well-rounded, kind, athletic, A+ student, courteous, respectful, silly and is very fond of his childhood and his upbringing. I knew the 1st week we brought home our 2nd son that he was going to be different...although I had no clue it would end up being a diagnosis of ADHD. As a baby he grunted and squirmed all over his bed to get to sleep. He never wanted to sit in his hi-chair. He never wanted to be rocked. He always tried to get out of his car seat. It was endless. I'm not sure where ADHD stems from but my husband has Tourettes so I'm thinking it may be a connection. Either way, we all have things that we have to live with and deal with and finding the right balance is an ongoing process...but it can be done. It just becomes part of your new normal.

Never give up.

[ENA2018 in reply to FINDMYSON]

I know what you mean.. some people can be so ignorant. Unfortunately, discipline doesn’t really work with kids with ADHD.. for my son, it personally makes it worse. He feels like it’s a contest or something, and he acts even worse. We are still struggling, but we’ve found a class offered through his counselor to help parents with kids that have ADHD. We haven’t started yet, but I’ll share with you what I find out! I’m so glad I found This community because I too was feeling alone and wondering why my son was different from other kids.