Support for families with ADHD/ADD

[LL_Mom]

Hello. I'm new to the group. My child has been struggling with sensory issues for a long time (clothes and noises are hard for her to deal with). She is also extremely oppositional and picks fights with the family (parents and younger brother). After a few years, we finally found an OT that was able to help her overcome some of the challenges with clothing. We've moved across country to a small town, and we're struggling to find care. My daughter is reverting and once again rejecting her clothing.

My 12 year old started middle school last year and was diagnosed with ADD. She cannot pay attention in class, and her work was late all most all of the time. Her grades are great because I help her study and work on ways to remember to turn in her assignments.

I am at my witt's end. My child needs so much input from me in order to function. I feel like I'm helping a 6 year old rather than a 12 year old. I am so sorry to sound judgmental, but this is our reality right now. She is unable to get dressed and ready for school each day. I ensure that she gets 9-10 hours of sleep per night, but she still cannot function in the morning. I just set up a sleep study evaluation, which will happen in few weeks. Also, I'm puling her out of public school at the end of Q2. She will begin online/home school for Q3/Q4 this year. She may go to part-time school for 2 classes in the morning. But honestly, I'm terrified that she won't be able to get dressed and ready.

She is seeing a cognitive therapist, for the ADD, but I don't feel like it's helping...My child DOES NOT WANT TO TAKE MEDICATION. She said I CANNOT FORCE HER.

I am helping her, but I NEED HELP. I do not know how to care for myself and my other child when I am under so much stress. I found a counslor for myself, but she knows nothing about ADHD. I ask my child's counselor for resources to help parents, and she cannot find a contact information for a support group in my area. I am so afraid that I'm going to make my family's situation worse, because I HAVE ZERO SUPPORT... I do not know what I'm doing. All of the solutions that I come up with fail. I cannot even get my kid dressed and out the door for school without it becoming a major crisis... I just do not know how to deal with this anymore. I'm always in problem solving mode for my older child and my younger child is taking a back burner. My husband helps get our kids ready, but it literally take two adults over 2 hours in the morning to get our children to school on time. We both work full time... This just does not seem sustainable.

Sorry for this long post, but things with our daughter are not getting better as she gets older. My husband used to take her to the principals office when she was in elementary school. That's the only way she would put on shoes and socks and go to class.... Things got better for a year or so, now they're starting to deteriorate again.

[RachelDubois]

Just an overwhelmed mamma with a small window and at the beginning of this journey - just wanted you to know that you are heard.

[LL_Mom in reply to RachelDubois]

Thank you... I joined a homeschool group for parents in my town. Fortunately, there are parents raising kids with ADD/ADHD/SPD, etc... Parents are expressing an interest in starting face to face meetings next month. I feel better now that I've found others in my area facing similar issues. I will continue to participate on HeathUnlocked as well. Best wishes to you... BTW. We seem to oscillate between bad days and days like today--an overall good day. Days like today give me hope. My normally grouchy 12 year old daughter just asked my 7 year old son if he wanted to go into her room to spend, "quality sibling time'! I rejoice in these small acts of kindness, and am glad. Earlier today my girl was in a particularly bad mood and was telling me to "leave her alone!" I just gave her a big hug and told her that my job is to love and support her. I told her that I would check on her a bit later, then gave her space. She emerged from her room 40 minutes later happy and relaxed. I swear...I'm having to learn to take it minute by minute, and that is hard. Thanks again for writing.

[rollercoaster22]

My 6 year old also has ADHD and sensory processing disorder. I finally gave up with the clothing and just let him wear whatever he wants. Snow on the ground and shorts - hey, why not! I live in Vancouver, Canada so it gets cold but not too cold - just below freezing on the coldest of days. I finally let him wear shorts to school, even in snow. The cold didn't bother him - and he never got sick. The only thing I had to deal with were the other parents asking me (every day) why he was in shorts. I would never really answer - not their business. And no - he doesn't always wear underwear. My only rule is on school days, if he wears shorts he has to wear underwear.

It's hard, and tiring, but pick you battles. Is it really worth it? I've come to accept that it will always be hard, but that each day gets slightly better. I also try to think of the positive. I am less judgy of other people and other parents, I appreciate his good moments, I try to look at it as a challenge that I was chosen to take. People with disabilities have a lot to teach the rest of us.

Good luck - and know you are not alone.

[rollercoaster22]

I forgot to add, my son also refuses his medicine. That is hard. I work in the medical field and believe that people have their own rights to choose their medical treatment. But children sometimes need persuasion. I struggle right now too - my son is only 6, and at 6 that have no reasoning, so I feel like I can force him to take it, But at age 12, they have the ability to reason and should have the right to choose.

I think all you can do is try to convince your child the benefits. If you force it on them, they will hate you for it, and you don't want that either. If they aren't an immediate harm to themselves, I don't think I would physically force it on them, though I would really try to prove to them why it is good. Good luck. I wish I had the answers. Right now, I try to sneak it into my sons, food, but I feel really bad about that