8 year old lies and steals :(

My son just turned 8 and he was diagnosed when he was 6 with ADHD. He is on Adderrall XR 15 mg a day plus 5 mg of lexapro.

When he is home with me, he is great! He is so caring, loving, and helpful.

It is a different story in the outside world. He will constantly sneak toys to school in his backpack, steal crayons from his teacher, and steal toys from his friends.

We are to the point where he has absolutely ZERO toys in his room, but he still manages to sneak something to school.

He has been kicked out of 2 day cares because they say they cannot handle him. He will refuse to listen, mock the teacher, or just plain say "no."

The punishments are not clicking. He is so impulsive! When I talk to him he knows what he did was wrong, when I ask him why he says "I don't know" and he does it again the next day.

Anyone else having the same experience?

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  • Hi. I can understand your frustration. My son is 8 yrs old too and really this whole process has been a whirlwind. Look up the Russell Barkley videos on Youtube and take the time to listen to them. I have found a new understanding of my son and therefor I upproach things different with him now. Be open with others about your sons diagnosis and this will also help others understand him more. They are not bad kids they need us more than evr to be on their side and to understand that they really don't know why they do certain things. Be strong and hug him everyday. As parents we need to educate ourselves on understanding them. Best to the two of you.

  • I know he is not a bad kid. It's a constant battle trying to convince others he is not a bad child as well.

    Thank you so much for the advice :) I will look up the videos!

  • It is a painful and sad battle that other adults are so quick to judge. I have been learning to stop worrying about what others think. My son is my priority. It still hurts me, but other people are the problem not our kids.

  • That is so true! How do you not let it bother you when it is people you deal with everyday? His teacher this year told me “I have adhd too” when I told her my son had it. I thought she was a lifesaver, but having it and knowing how to deal with it are two different things. It’s obvious from how the school year is going that she doesn’t know how to deal with it. I receive texts from his teacher daily and the after school care instructors are nice to my face, but you can tell they don’t really care for us. They have threatened to kick him out already this year.

    Sorry, I think I am just venting. I have never spoke/written about it with people who understand before.

    Thank you for listening.

  • Hello I am new to the community this is my first interaction/post I wanted you to know my son does the exact same thing. Determined to do what he wants no matter how I beg and try to reason. He loves sneaking toys to school, in the grocery stores. The only thing I've found so far to work are are colorful reward charts. Not bribing but telling him he is not to take toys to school and if adheres each school day then on Fridays he gets a treat. During the week I check his book bag each day and when he's cooperated, I make it a big deal and put big colorful stickers for the chart for that weekly expectation. Keep at it!

  • It is so comforting/ helpful to hear your story!

    He currently goes through a pat down every morning before school to check for toys, but he is smart! He knows where I check and he finds new places to hide the toys!

    I told him we are almost at the point where he carries a clear bag to school so he can not hide anything, but I do not want to draw anymore attention to him.

    The behavior chart is a great idea!

    Thank you so much for sharing!

  • I'm also new to this forum going through the same thing but in opposite form; our girl is 7 and seems to be doing better in school behavior wise but at home when the Adderall wears off (or just wakes up in the morning and hasn't had it yet) she is an absolute bear. Her behavior has gotten so bad her grandmothers don't want to watch her anymore outside of school while we're working, because she seems to be 2 different kids. Learning as well alongside you.

  • I give my son breakfast and his pills as soon as he wakes up. The pills are extended release and last throughout the day until he gets home. The doctor said if it ever stopped working during the day then we needed to adjust the medication. Do you think you need to adjust the medication to last longer?

    My son is also on lexapro because his moods sounded a lot like your little girls. This medication is supposed to keep his moods more even. It is an antidepressant, but he is not depressed he is just moody... like his mom ;) Besides being rambunctious he is pretty happy all the time instead of angry like before.

    Hope this helps!

  • If he's that desperate to have something in his hands at school, he should probably have it. Maybe if he has something to keep his hands busy, he'll be able to sit still and listen.

  • I agree, but teachers/schools will not allow it. It’s a “distraction.”

  • Well then, it sounds like you need documentation to demand this as a reasonable accommodation for his disability. Silent toys can be found, and it's absurd that the teachers' prejudice against people with ADHD is turning his simple and common need to have something in his hands into a whole messy situation that's damaging his self-esteem and making it impossible for him to learn.

  • Scatteredmom is right! Does your son have a 504 plan or an IEP? A 504 will require the school to allow him reasonable accommodations for his disability as part of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). My son has used fidget objects that go on the top of his pencils that have bolts he can spin around, also something called The Ultimate Fidget we found on Amazon. They make no sounds at all. If he does not have a 504, go to the school counselor or principal to request one. It will require documentation of his diagnosis. Good luck!!

  • No he does not have a 504 plan or IEP. I had a meeting with the school and we decided to hold off until I/ we thought he actually needed it. I know what would happen if he brought a toy to school. It would become a distraction and it would make him stand out even more because kids would wonder why he gets a toy...

    He gets picked on enough. On one hand I think a fidget toy may help, but on the other I could see it causing more issues.

  • Melanie

    I've had the same experience... Just keep up the decipline!! Surprise him with some spaking!! And that might do it.

    Hope that helps

  • I am also new to this site. I have a 9 year old son that also lies and steals. He also sneaks toys to school and often comes home with stuff I know is not his and I return it to the teacher so hopefully she can find out where it came from. I can't trust anything he says anymore. He is constantly telling me his homework is done and he turned it in and I find out he hasn't turned any of it in. Even if I stand over him and make sure he does it and takes it to school, he will not turn it in. I guess that is defiance. He has an IEP at school and they are working with me but I just see his behavior getting worse. I wasn't sure if it was the ADHD or not but I'm seeing a lot of similar issues on this site. Kind of makes me feel not so alone dealing with this.

  • You are not alone! My son sounds just like your son. Is he defying you by not turning it in or is he so scattered that he forgets to turn it in? Is he on medication?

  • He is on the Daytrana patch, but I think this is his way of saying "You can make me do it, but you can't make me turn it in"

  • My son will listen to me and his dad and that's it and sometimes he disobeys us. When it comes to other adults...I get complaints a lot. I think it is a mixture of ADHD and oppositonal defiant disorder. We have an appointment with a psychiatrist soon to do full testing and behavorial therapy.

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