I am a 17 year old A-Level student and I would like to share my life problems here, as I don't have any other outlet.
I am currently studying towards my end of year exams and am under massive stress to do well. I'm predicted high A's in my subjects, but I face constant criticism wherever I turn because of it. My teachers say I need to be doing better, my parents constantly pressure me to do better, people in my classes call me a nerd and laugh at me. When I try to talk about a subject to my teacher's at the end of school they try and leave as quick as possible while ignoring me. I have no real friends. I switched schools because of the relentless bullying and emotional torment, and it still haunts me. The other day someone from my old school tweeted me saying I was a chloroform rapist. I used to get that every single day at my old school. People say that being in a small school makes bullying less prominent; they're wrong. All I remember is being unable to turn around a corner without having abuse shouted at me for my ginger hair, my voice, my accent, my looks, whatever insult they'd managed to come up with. I've never had a proper girlfriend; every girl I've ever liked has turned me down. One time at school, the whole year found out I liked a girl and I got bullied for that months afterwords. She screamed at me and called me "a fucking weirdo". The only friendships I have are over the internet, as the people I meet are as lonely in the real life as I am. My own parents don't understand me; my Dad accuses me of never relaxing because I'm teetotal. I once dieted to lose a bit of fat and my Mum screamed at me for being "anorexic" and threatened to hit me and throw me out if I didn't stop.
The only friend I have at college is a girl who's incredibly sweet, but we only talk during our History classes and on facebook, as she's "popular" and her friends and boyfriend don't want me sitting with them. I went on a law class at a Uni and everyone avoided me; I didn't learn a single person's name. The lecturer told me to not bother applying. I'm part of a discussion group that is supposed to help us prepare for Uni by debating, but everyone thinks I'm weird. At the last discussion they were all sniggering at me. I find it difficult to make or maintain relationships with people. I can't do small talk.
Most of the time I cry myself to sleep. I think about the loneliness, the torment, the laughing, the strange looks. I feel like an outcast. A few people have said I'm very intelligent; to me that's brought me nothing but sadness and pain. I have no emotional connections with anyone, I get bullied because of it, I can't talk to anyone. I just want someone to talk to, someone who understands it all. I want someone who's there for me, someone I can confide in, someone who loves me like I love them. Is that too much to ask?