I'm new here, just joined tonight. I think, as the title goes, that I'm finally ready to accept that I'm suffering from depression. I have a problem with alcohol abuse, so much so that I joined alcoholism support forums, and also a problem with binge eating, and I always thought that they were my problems. And I wondered why my efforts to sort them out never came to anything. But now I think that they are a symptom of depression and I think I need to sort this out first.
For the past, oh, maybe five years or so, I have felt bleak and unmotivated every day. It feels like I'm living in a kind of grey fog. I can't find much pleasure in anything at all now, except drinking alcohol and binge eating, because they take away the bad feelings temporarily and for a while I feel at ease and happy. Every single day I feel really afraid, tense and anxious. I'm certain that bad things are going to happen all the time. I can't sleep properly, I have nightmares every night and wake up in the early hours of the morning, feeling really afraid, guilty and hopeless. I've put on about 5 stone, I've stopped taking care of my appearance - hell, most days I can't even be motivated to have a shower. There were times when I stopped brushing my teeth too, I just didn't have the energy, I didn't care. I must've been a delight to have been around!!
So I always thought my alcohol problem was the cause of why I felt depressed all the time. Now I think, maybe I am depressed and that's what's driven me towards alcohol abuse and binge eating. I just don't know.
I joined this site this evening to hopefully find answers and see what to do next. Should I see a doctor? I'm embarrassed to - I know that's stupid but I'm already dreading telling my doctor this. In case I'm over-reacting or something. Does this sound like depression? From what I've been reading, I think it might be.
Apologies for the long rant! B x