I often wake with a feeling of terrible fear and anxiety and awful feelings of loss.
I have just woken from a very vivid dream, one I have had before but have only this time been able to recall it in it's intensity.
I am a baby elephant.
I am watching my mother die because a lemur ( ? ) has somehow become stuck under her front leg ( like her armpit - I don't know the correct terminology ), has been crushed and has rotted, which has infected my mother with blood poisoning or something similar.
I am experiencing appalling feelings of loss, panic and being unable to help.
I am feeling terribly alone, even though there are other elephants around me. I can see and smell them, as well as the veldt around me.
I am too little to help my mother.
I am afraid because I don't know what to do. I can smell the rot.
I have a name, but I don't know what it is and I know I cannot be part of the herd if I don't know my name.
My mother is trying to tell me, but she is too ill to tell me my name.
I am very small.
On awakening, I realised the dream's emotional content is identical with the emotions I experience on a daily basis.
I have not lost my mother - she is alive and well.
This dream is so real, so vivid, so detailed - how could I possibly have so coherently assembled the details to give the narrative the kind of smells and light quality and specifics it has - when I know nothing of elephants and have never been in the bush?
The details surrounding the main events are too detailed. The main event is too specific.
Is this a memory?
It isn't something I would ordinarily mention nor do I have the belief in 'reincarnation' or previous existence.
Although there have been recent ( ish ) traumatic events in my life which served to accelerate and amplify an existing illness, I have not ever been able to pinpoint a reason why my brain has so spectacularly let me down in the last eighteen months or so.
The emotions in the dream carried over into my waking state and I am feeling the side effects as I type this.
Has anyone any thoughts - even if someone can say 'This event was in the news, or on TV, so you got it from there', it would be of help to me.
I actually do not have a television and have not had one for many years, but I also think this is not the first time I have dreamed this dream, although this is the first time I have been able to recall the details.
Sorry if I am rambling, but I am feeling very shaken by this.