As I've said in previous blogs, I took some great steps forward at New Year, but then crashed at the beginning of February into what has been one of my worst episodes.
One of my main hobbies is keeping and showing fancy rats. I'm training to judge them (like 'rattie Crufts) and also help to organise a show most months with a combined mouse and rat club. Much of this I really enjoy - the overall organiser wrote an excellent computer program many years ago, and I've learned to do virtually everything on this. I also feel I am doing something worthwhile. I actually was landed with this when my predecessor just didn't turn up one day! Apparently she had depression etc. We have virtually no written instructions, and I've found out a lot the hard way! It turns out that a number of Show Secs have resigned over the years.
There are three downsides which have contributed to the setback: (Abbreviated nicknames used.) One of the judges(LV) is eccentric, to say the least. A year ago, after that show where I was 'dumped in it', I inadvertently posted on another forum "A chaotic show with a chaotic judge." She read it and will not accept my apology, and uses every opportunity to bully me and make things difficult. The other club finds that most people don't want to work with her. The other person making life difficult is (N) - the overall organiser. He is so used to controlling things that he gets really annoyed if anything goes wrong, and does not have time to listen when I need to explain things, but will not let me go away, do other things I need to, and come back when he's free - we're at opposite ends of the hall. The third problem is getting judges and enough entries to make it a 'star' show. I had no idea I was entering politics! If X (LV above) is judging, then Y will not enter. This means we may not make up the numbers for stars, so Z will not show! In the past year we have lost three judges because of actions of the two people above, and it makes arranging them almost non-viable.
The show is quite a way away, and I enter quite a few of my own rats to make up numbers. As I don't drive, this makes a tricky journey (although I think London Bridge bus station will have re-opened next time!), and I do have chronic pain problems.
Do I, or do I not resign? I get satisfaction out of doing it in some ways. However, the last two shows I've made mistakes - left important paperwork behind etc. when stressed and depressed - and therefore been accused of stressing N - who does not appreciate that they are stressing me! Last time I wasn't well physically, but the main problem was that I was already in a state of semi-breakdown after acting as steward to LV at another show, and I practically fell apart when I didn't have my paperwork. Then I lost the two judges whom I most respect - and who think I should resign.
I certainly do not want to land someone else in the uninformed situation in which I started, so will make notes for my successor. I was going to leave before May, but am concerned that a newcomer, who has emotional problems, may get dumped upon and treated similarly. If I stay until July. I can help her and see how things go. I just don't know. I keep changing my mind!