I have 3 kids that have grown up. no one has been near. My youngest has been in touch by text, saying she was coming over, but when i text she said she was out to lunch, my son is so depressed he sits and doesnt bother with his self, only to eat sweets and fatty food. My other daughter, shes making the point that if i dont tow the line, they shes just not interested. All suffering from depression, but i cant help but feel like crying.
none of them will go for counselling, (Because i trained as one) I can see them in all sorts of issues and pain. And the oldest uses her kids as a tool, also the ones who died, which happened yearssssssss ago. We should all bow and walk on egg shells in case shes in one of her moods.
Its mothers day, no one has been near. It hurts.
Because I have suffered depression, I find it hard to get recognision for my training, gp doesnt realised i trained when i was depressed, but surely the counsellors would have seen if anything was unduly wrong. So now Im going to take my ba honors. The maybe I might be allowed to work and have pride in myself again. As it seems my family are the last people who ,,,,,I was hoping to re-educated and dispell fears about depression. Or at least help people to understand what it is like. But im feeling quite alone right now. Why do people with depression get treated like they equal to society - a criminal.
a fewkind words, might help cheer me up
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coatpin
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Hi there, sending you a hug..... my mother died a few years ago, I used to avoid visiting her sometimes as I didn't want to show her how depressed I was and I didn't want to snap at her or hurt her in any way, realise now that wasn't helpful to either of us. It hurt us both.
I hope you are ok. your children are adults now and have to take responsibility for themselves but I understand they are still your children, your babies.. I'm sorry I can't take some of the pain away for you but want you to know I am thinking about you and I care !
Take it one day at a time and hope you feel better soon x
Well I have just cleaned the bath tiolet and had a shower, going to pamper myself, I have to remind myself their not well. Yes they will regret much, but you cant tell them that. The cats were there, and I bought a pizza, another treat. Im suprised at one daughter because I have done so much for her, baby sitting for four days recently when she was broke. So she could work.
I have decided instead of sitting on my pity pot, Im going to join the gym, and do what I want to do, no more baby sitting or cutting the grass for her, I shall do my own and conserve my energy. Childish it might sound. But in a way, who cares. I didnt want her to suffer all that I had to do raising children without help, (like had too) And going though crap because i was single parent (it was a taboo in those days)
I went through sexual abuse by a gp, to keep her alive, thats the older one, and she just hates me, every excuse she uses the kids, like weapons. I have told her, her kids are going to learn these skills off her. What goes around comes around.
Yes you look after yourself, join the Gym sounds like a great idea, take it step by step and pamper yourself, and then you wont be so hurt if your children appear selfish, but I guess when we are young we could all do selfish things at times too. Take care anyway.
Aww I feel for you I really do, but from one mum to another hang in there, I lost my mum 14 years ago and I miss her everyday, sure we didnt have the best relationship and well I am now 12,000 miles from home so cant even go to her grave but I do know we loved each other, for me well its a lot harder and I am going to come out and admit that I am just in pure agony at the moment you see I was in a bad marriage and went to social services for help I last saw my two beautiful children in November 2011 and I fought the adoption order to get them home and I lost on the 27th Feb, and now they are being adopted, my little girl turned 7 on the 1st March and i was not even allowed to send her a card, and they used the fact that the children knew it was a goodbye contact and have had serious councilling since to enable them to accept it, I cant tell you just how much it hurts that at 9 and 7 I will never see them grow up, the foster carer is adopting them and the kids just refer to me as old mum and helen now, from the report i read, the carer does not want anything from the childrens past in her home at all so i have to keep all the keepsakes in the hope that they maybe might look me up in the future they wont even let me have one photo a year.
So while people joke about adoption there is alot of pain and hurt for the ones that were told they have a personality disorder and have been let down by the system, I am so alone now I lost all my family and friends due to my ex and then the children going into care and I am so lost at the moment so totally lost and in so much pain that I just dont know how to deal with it at all as its just too much to take in, I did well in court but the last few days i have just been in so much pain and just dont want to be here anymore but i keep going for my pets.
So please hang in there and remember that you are doing right by you, if your daughter is constantly blackmailing you then just make that decision to walk away she is an adult and she will soon realise that she can not win and her children will do the same to her, after all she is making them suffer and that is not fair xxx
Gosh I wish I could help you, if I can I will ,,a simular thing happened to me, in that my daughter had chronic Asthma, and they tried to take her into care ,, byonly reading the text books, thats what doctors to, they have thier opinions!! but what they didnt know what that my gp was sexually abusing me. you needed the doctors permission to take steriods. (thats why the depression, he got away with it) she was in a psychicatric childrens hospital. So her treatment of me, hurts because what i went through.
But i got a solicitor to fight social services. Because they get it wrong too. I didnt disclose the abuse for 20 years, this is usual, because there is the factor of who would believe me.
Please please dont give up!!! you need to see someone who you respond too. What part of the country are you in. Was this done because of your depression?
There are load of organisations that maybe could speak for you, why should you be punished because of your illness.
I have trained for about 7 years in all, and even my doctor is showing prediuce. Im having to take my ba honors just to come validated in being fit enough to workin my field. Dont they realise we are human!!!
My goodness you must be in so much pain.
If i knew more,,, maybe i could help you!!! the damage that this is going to do to the kids,,, because of this womans behaviour, i wonder what her motives are!!! its not normal.
Aw thanks but its too late now in my case and its all so wrong and there are thousands like me, and that is the saddest part of it all and I can not get a legal team as over turning a care order is so hard that only about 2% actually do manage it and they are the ones with money as legal aid see it as a waste of public funding so wont help.
Its hard but it will get easier and i think now only 9 and 11 years to go and I hope and pray that I am still here for them and that they do come and find me and then they will find out the truth, that I did as promised and fought to the end, they also said it would take too long to reassess me and now I am taking it forward to a Judicial Review, the main thing is that you know you did right by your children and that you did the best you could and its time for you to stop being bullied by her and her getting it all her own way.
I think the gym and your plans are a fantastic idea, for me its all about clearing their items now and getting back into work and maybe moving out of the area to start somewhere where i am not known and i can create a new future xxx
I did the same, i bought a place in France,, to hide!!! I did take law,,, what about a no win no fee,,, and some solicitors might take your case for free. Why not set up a action group.
I do work on the inner child, and part of it, is about what damage can be done by bad parenting, which will effect the person for life.!!! So is that "adoptive parent" mentally healthy in the way shes handling things!!! look for a person centred counsellor to put your concerns forward or train tobe a counsellor yourself.!!! Then they will have to listen to you!!!
it willshow you have done a lot of counselling yourself, and get the ruling overturned.. contact the bacp, as for a list of counsellors in your area who are bacp registerd. Ask about training courses. and you can get funding for this,,,!!!new start new beginning for both of us maybe???
The amount of damage they are doing by taking them away from their natural mother,,, at those ages,, and the children are not allowed to remember you,,, they have been abondoned,, and will become very effected kids!!! separation anxitey, do alchol drugs, just to forget the pain.
do hunts on the internet, a great rescourse for help!!!
coatpinlin x
You sound like an amazing person coatpin to cope with so much. You are still strong and positive. I couldn't imagine how I would cope if that happened to me.
Thank you,,, so much, im almost falling, its lovely and sunny but really cold outside, I should pamper myself but its so cold to move. Im lonely, I have given up so much to them, that I dont have any friends which depression does, it isolates you, and tells you your worthless. Trust is an issue obviously. But I do know there are lovely people out there, I just have to want to meet them so today im off to coverntry uni, to start,a new faze.
Thats not all of it Bev,,,being pretty isnt always nice, the wolves come out to play. my mother didnt prepare me for that side of the world. Thanks Bev so much I will hold all your kind words with me each day.
Hi, I'm sorry noone came near you on Mothers Day, it always hurts when we feel unwanted or ignored I know. Sorry I didn't read your blog at the time. Suex
Thanks, I had a chat to my youngest, and were going to have our hair done together, and she bought me a huge pot for my garden. Just came back from a group interview for uni, so will find out about that in 2 weeks. So things move on
Never give up, tomorrow is another day maybe with suprises in it.
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