Who am I?

I'm sure that if I asked 100 people to say who they were (other than their name) the majority would either say something they DO or else a condition - e.g. "an accountant", "a full-time Mum" or something like "a diabetic."

I retired four years ago - initially a nurse and midwife, then working with computers - same place for 26 years. When I had to retire I found this difficult as so much of my identity was in what I DID. I could also say "A Christian", "a hamster owner" and, later on "a rat-keeper". When I was landed with an official task at a regional club, that gave me a significance more than "just a senior citizen", "library volunteer" etc. - I was "Show Secretary - Rats!" Now I'm very probably laying this down, I feel as if I am losing part of who I am.

Do other people find this need to 'have a title' - not in a big-headed way, but to feed 'needed'? I may well learn to Show Sec for another rat group, and am also investigating a charity which teaches old people to use computers, to see if they need a volunteer. At last I've had it brought home to me that the benefits of what I'm doing at present are outweighed by the costs to my health - although a few Samaritans and Mental Health Matters staff are much more knowledgeable about rats now!

8 Replies

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  • I can't think of a way to answer that question, without giving my name or profession! You're lucky, I often wish I'd trained to be a midwife. I couldnt afford to go back to college now. Hw many babies did you deliver? Or when did you stop counting? X

  • Wow a midwife what an awarding job to do. You should be very proud of yourself in what you have achieved in life. You should enjoy your retirement go on a holiday and get some well some well deserved me time. I trained to be a support worker but sadly there is no jobs so Iam a full time mum/housewife

    People alwAys ask me what I do as a profession I just say a proud mummy full time as its awkward say a support worker as I don't have a job just a few certificates saying I am trained.

  • retired nurse & midwife as a title for those that need to know.

    for you personally, whatever you feel better suits you.

    I think having to retire from age or from illness, leaves us lost as to what our purpose is in life, who we are, any more,

    we have to let go everything we felt defined us and build a new "us".

    to adapt, and adjust.

    this can be very scary.

    To me, the truth is that we're the same person we have always been, that our family love.

    People we've known & every thing we've done in life as led us to here.

    We all need to be needed and often forget that to be there for others we need to look after ourselves .

    don't rush in to anything until you really want to.

    trying different things as part of the background can be fun.

    enjoy just being you :)

    regards,

    sandra.

  • I can relate to how you feel. I had a terrrible year last year losing both my parents and my job. These losses affected me mentally and have been seeing a psych for a while and slowly getting better. But then I was very lucky to get a little job as a teacher aide in a country school for 12 hours a week. It gave me back a lot of the confidence I had lost and I feel needed again. During the months I was without work I did a few voluntary jobs and these are always rewarding and appreciated. There is always a need for volunteers and I met some great and very supportive people doing those jobs. Cast your net out and see whats out there and I wish you all the very best.

  • Well my profile name now says it all I am "no one". Not sure if this is good or bad? I look back at the things I've done and at 48 - ended up as a no-one or nobody. In 1980 lost my father (a gunshot wound), two months later, grandmother and six months later my grandfather. Then 2004 an accident (motorcycle), pregnant, two months later - husband to an accident abroad and a month later lost the baby. Amazingly those hiccups in life are "character building". This year will probably lose my mother - cancer, we are planning her funeral, hospice, living will I say "we" my mother and I. So anyone in life who needed me or vice versa I needed them, slipped away. Today is Mother's Day and probably the last one that my mother will make. So I'm off to enjoy another treasured day with my mum.

  • People judge you, is the basics, ifyour a this or your that, then they choose wht grade your at,, shallow I know, often people change thier personna, when they put on a uniform. society has done this,, very shallow, but when you mature, you see this ,, and it becomes more important to get to know the person,,,inside. My counsellor said look in the mirror,, and say, to yourself, I havent murdered any one to day, I havent hurt anyone, or my cat,, so I cant be that bad,,lol

    you know who you are,,, and how you feel, dont worry about others,,, when they pay your rent, pay your council tax, electric, ect,,, then they can have a right to say what they like to me, or have an oppinion. wether you listen to them or not,, YOU count,, sod the rest of them.

    redefine your self, make a new you,, explore what you enjoy doing, or things you would like to explore. more importantly be,,,yourself x

  • Hi there, I retired last May and I must say I dont feel the need for any title. I am glad I have no title or responisbility now, except to my cat and myself. I think we are all different, and I always liked my sense of self. Maybe find something that you really enjoy doing, just enjoy each day, you have worked hard, dont see retirement as the end of your "title" see it as a new you. Begin your new phase and start to like all the good qualities that you have. I think its a big change in our lives, and we all react differently.

  • Hey what a great idea...

    2-7 year ago I would have been the person saying Engineer, but now I say Happy, I don't think we can ask for much more in life. :)

    Best wishes everyone, be yourself and be happy :)

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