I have been suffering at my worst depression for around the last 6 months. I have been going to my doctors a lot but feel like I get no help. I was put on citalopram 40mg and it didn't help me at all. I was told that it takes time so kept taking it. When moving home I ran out and went to my new doctor to get a prescription and was told that I have too many underlying issues for anti depressants to help and that I need counselling. I have been registered for counselling with specialists on my past struggle being abused and raped as a child between 8 and 14 and I was told I would get help early January at the very latest and I'm still waiting. When I call I get told that I'm at the top of the list but its been this way for a while. I feel helpless because I feel as though I'm putting my boyfriend through hell. I know he tries to help me but I feel as though in getting so much worse. If it wasn't for my boyfriend I would be dead. He has stopped me from killing myself 5 times now since November and I have started to self harm. Someone I NEVER seen myself even attempting. I never understood why anyone would ever harm themselves but now I realise that when I'm feeling at my worst having a physical pain to concentrate on keeps the emotional pain at bay. Last time I went to the doctor I broke down and owned up to trying to kill myself and I went in with bandages over my arms and begged for help. I feel tearful everyday for no reason. I will be feeling quite happy then all of a sudden can't hold back the tears. I just don't see how I can get better without help. My dr just said it takes time and he won't give me anything to help and I'm struggling so much. I feel like a horrible horrible person and that I'm just hurting others. Please help with any suggestions
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