Ive gained weight throughout an emotional and violent relationship from 2008 to 2011. I now weight a huge 14 stone and wear size 18 clothes when originally I was a nice size 8/10 weighting probably about 9 stone but declared healthy by doctors upon every visit for sickness etc.
Now when I look in the mirror I just see the fat bulges on my face and around my body. Ive never been pregnant yet my stomach and waist is covered in stretch marks.
I feel hideous in front of my boyfriend. I feel hideous in the mirror. No matter how many times my boyfriend will say that Im beautiful and gorgeous - I cant believe him.
About 4 weeks ago, I got a cold which developed into flu.....4 weeks on im still struggling from it and now ive started getting mini nose bleeds. Ive tried getting help from the doctors surgery but the receptionist advised me that I wasnt to come into the surgery incase I infect other people. So I cant go to the pharmacy and get any medicine without a prescription but then I cant get a prescription because the receptionist told me to stay away from the surgery.
Whats the point of the doctors? Over paid people who sit in a chair judging you and making you feel smaller than anyone else ever has. Ive tried councelling and it didnt help.
I dont know what to do.
Honestly, I just want to leave the world quietly and painlessly, but I love my boyfriend too much. There are times im confident that if he left me or anything happened to him.....I wouldnt have a reason not to die.