Think I'm going down hill

[copdber]

Good evening all. I'm taking anti d meds for past 5 years and have had brake through anxiety but this is different. I have a lot of health issues that bring me down but again I don't think this is caused by my health probs. I've lost my desire to do anything and I'm not sleeping right I can't read a book I can't settle down. I've put on a lot of weight I'm drinking to sleep I'm doing nothing right. I've been on the same med since I started which is 75mg of Effexor my gp has said I could increase the dose if I wanted to but I don't. My family is reared and my hubby is out of work he spends most of his time on slot machines, I'm discussed with the way this must sound. But there you are. I imagined my family reared me separated from my hubby living my own life. I went to college late and became ill whilst in college I did graduate but never worked in the field I qualified in. Sorry this should probably be a blog.

[Hidden]

I'm really sorry to hear that you have had such a difficult time. I have had similar moments where I just wanted to give up. I still have them now, in fact. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do, and I don't have all the answers. I can tell you that I really wanted to write a PhD once, but that I'm unsure about how to approach my tutor - whether I should bother... whether I'm even worth it.

I can only say: I understand what you mean when you say 'you've lost your desire to do anything', and that you're 'doing nothing right': life is full of stress. And there are lots of people who judge and pontificate about decisions in life, like pursuing a PhD, because they are afraid to get things wrong.

[copdber]

Please don't be afraid go after your PhD it dosen't matter wheather you get it wrong thing is you tried and did your best if you can muster enough energy to do it then go for it here's one person who will be happy you did it.

[Hidden]

Why do tears come to my eyes, even when I'm happy? Sorry to be awkward. I've just been feeling really down.

I feel slightly better. So much better. I haven't finished my Swinburne reading! But I feel better. I can't really put it into words. And I'm sorry to be awkward. It's just that it's one of the nicest things said so far this year.

[Hidden]

Hi

It sounds as thugh you are having a hard time. If you desire to do anything has gone then it does sound as though you are depressed despite being on antidepressants, which suggests you need something more. You say you don't want to increase the dose and that suggests you are looking for something different from medication. You also say your husband is out playing on slot machines and your family are grown up and it sounds from the way you write that yu are finding it difficult to find a sense of purpose and meaning in your life, particularly as you turn to drink in order to sleep and can't read which indicates restlessness and perhaps anxiety. You also comment on never having worked in the field you qualified in. Is it now too late to do that? If so then that may be difficult to come to terms with. If it's not too late then would you want to follow it up now, perhaps re-training in the same or another field? It can be difficult to cope without a sense of purpose or direction in life, especially if you are feeling disgusted with the way things sound about your husband. Perhaps you are angry? It does sound as though rather than more medication you would find it helpful to talk with a counsellor, why not ask your GP to refer you to someone to talk to? They may be able to help you clarify why you are depressed and how you might overcome the feelings or at least improve things.

Suex

[copdber in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Suex for your thoughtful reply I hadn't thought to contact the counsellor that I was seeing last year. I'm going to do that this morning. I am finding it dificullt to find a purpose in life now. As I said my children are in there 30's I have one grandchild aged 20mths unfourtunatly they live a 2 1/2 hour drive away. It is to late now for me to work in the area I qualified. Yes I do believe I am angry with my husband for wanting to wast his life and our money on slot machaines, and I'm also ashamed of it.

Thank you again Suex your answer has made me think through things.

[Hidden]

You are welcome and I'm glad my thoughts have been helpful, I hope things go well with the counsellor. I also trained and then found it was too late to use my qualifications which led to my feeling despair. Also like you my children live at a distance. Life can seem cruel sometimes.

I hope things go well,

Suex

[copdber]

Thanks Suex and I hope things go well for you too we seen to have a lot in common.

[jay35]

Hello, I am new to this site. I have felt the same way you do up until recently. I had to force myself out and start walking and I joined weight watchers. I felt lonely and isolated as my children are have grown up and left home. I was so scared of going out the house but I feel that I have suffered enough. Start with a ten minute walk and build it up. I promise you will feel better . Hope you feel well soon x

[copdber]

Thanks jay it's sad that when I was bring up my kids I had so many plans for when they were grown up and living their own lives and that they are I haven't the energy or the movition to do anything. I had no idea there was others in the same sitution and I know your right about taking the first smal step. I've done that so often but then just slip again. I'm glad your feeling better keep going with the walks I know it's good for you.

[Hidden]

I was looking over my activity on this forum. This post was only updated five days ago. I commented on it, and really I hope that you feel better copdber! Sometimes plans can go wrong. They can go drastically wrong - particularly if you like the minutiae & the ins and outs of things. It makes it incredibly difficult for people to be successful (in whatever they desire) if the plans and minutiae seem to dictate their lives

Whilst I thank you so much for your support!, I may be taking some time out before I do a PhD. It may come later in my life. I love writing creatively, so I might think about that in more detail. We'll see. But it's that that makes me happy Still undecided - but I'll think about it.