Do you hide your feelings, Do you pretend all is ok??

Hi I have been suffering depression now for 11 years on and off. I am a single parent with 3 jobs who is good at juggling pennies around. I know I am tired a lot of the time! How ever with the depression I tend to to let friends and family know as well I feel that there is nothing that they can do ( unless the wish to pay my mortgage off). Any way my question is does any one pretend to the world that every thing is ok????

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  • Hi Sparkles13,

    I actually know exactly how you feel. I'm not a parent, but I often do feel like one. I feel aged beyond my years and highly stressed - caught in pathetic crossfires between my sister and mum. I feel like I'm a parent three times over, I'm so maternal and diplomatic it's worrying, and yes - about the mortgage - I'm constantly contributing to help pay it off. Of course, I earn next to nothing, and the process is longer than Les Miserables. Should I be concerned with such things? Probably not. But it's how I have always thought - how I have had to think: frugality. Sad existence, no travelling, no shopping spree, nothing. I just want people to understand that it's incredibly difficult to cope. And a lot of things have shattered my emotions over the Christmas period, so I feel as if I will be judged from every angle when I return.

    Anyway, I completely understand where you're coming from. Sometimes I think I have to hide feelings because happiness seems so far away. I zone out all the time. I'm the peacemaker, until I can find no way to make peace. I've never experienced real happiness. Even though I have an undergrad degree, I feel inadequate. And if you can't feel joyous when you have a First degree then, really, what's the point? People are proud of me, and I smile wryly at them: I don't have a sense of pride, really. I can't make other people happy, even though I try.

    So, to answer your question: yes. I hide my feelings all the time. I live as an alter ego, because nothing else works.

  • Hi

    You do well to manage three jobs, no wonder you are tired all the time! I envy you being good at juggling the pennies, I'm good at spending them! You say you have depression so I wonder why you hide your feelings from the world. I used to do that all the time, must be wtrong, seem not to need anyone, etc. Often when we do that it's because we're afraid that if we showed how needy we really are people would not like us any more, or perhaps they would feel we are too needy and demanding and go away. It's a good way of coping in public sometimes, it can be necessary to put on a face, but it seems sad when you have to do that with friends and family as well. It suggests you don't feel able to trust that they would love you if they knew how you are really feeling. I wonder whether you've always felt like that, as if you have to hide what you really feel. Maybe you feel unloveable, as I did and sometimes still do. Most people like people needing them in small doses. How about letting people help you in just some small way and helping them in return, that way you will both benefit and the relationship will strengthen. You say you let people feel there is nothing they can do but that might be making them feel helpless. You will be doing them a favour if you let them offer you small bits of help!

    Suex

  • hi all thanks for your replies, It is not that I do not feel loved far from it I get lots of help with the boys from my parents whom have the boys once or twice a week ( they are nearly teenagers now) and i have lots of great friends, but they can not help me with how I feel, I feel silly as I have nothing to be depressed about I am lucky I have a good job great kids loving mum and dad and a good social network, yet I still feel the way I do and I do not know why?????? The spoke to the doctor today and have gone back on Anti depressions. I have felt like this since I gave birth I have been on and off tablets ever since. I wish I could get it sorted once and for all!!!

  • Yes I do Sparkles to the general world that is. Not to friends though unless it is a social occasion. I find that often you don't have to actually talk about depression itself for you to feel less depressed. Sometimes a good natter about anything can help.

    But I do have a couple of friends who have or had depression and they do understand so we will chat about mutual depressions and emphasise with each other. That helps. I bet one of two of your friends understand too - after all depression is very common.

    Don't please feel silly. Depression can come on for no obvious reason. Sometimes it is reactive and sometimes not. It can be just one of those things and I think you can drive yourself mad with trying to find out why. There can be no answers sometimes. Its just the way it is.

    Its good you have seen the doctor and am on ad's. How about asking if you can see a counsellor? Talking sometimes helps. There are other treatments too. If you don't feel your ad's work after 2/3 weeks go back to your doctor and change them.

    Let us know how you get on.

    Bev x

  • Yes I do hide my feelings from family I don't want to worry my daughter because I know she would worry about me. I don't want my son to know because he wouldn't understand. I don't want my husband to know cause he wouln't care.

    Well done on working 3 jobs that must be hard and you must be tired from it all. You were very sensable to go to your gp and back on anti d's. You sound like a very responsable person and your family are luck to have you there for them.

    I do hope you feel better soon baring in mind the anti d's can take a while to kick in so hang in there.

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