hi guys,
Just back from hospital that states I have borderline personslity disorder. Quite worried about it as the reading states it could bewith me for 10-15yrs.
Has anyone else had/got this and how do you cope with it.
I wantto lead a normal life and hope over time my expartner and our 18mth old girl will bring me back into their lifes.
Andy
Hi Andy
It is a shame people get labelled as sometimes the labels can make things seem worse than they. I presume the label was given to you by a psychiatrist as it is a tool for health professionals to predict the kind of behaviours they can expect from you and the kind of treatments that may be helpful, also the prognosis, i.e. how long the person with the diagnosis is likely to have symptoms for on average. It isn't like a physical illness which you have for a fixed period of time, it is a useful way for clinicians to explain something about you so that other clinicians will understand more easily.
Borderline Personality Disorder means that in some ways you are neurotic like the rest of the population (we're all neurotic) but that at times you protect yourself from certain feelings by using defences which result in your being less in touch with reality at those times than most people are. It a way of experiencing the world. There is lots of evidence which suggests that people who get labelled with BPD have experienced trauma in their lives, often abuse or other multiple trauma so I don't know whether that applies to you. In traumatic circumstances it is normal to respond by using the kind of defences people with BPD use, but people who are diagnosed with BPD continue to use them when they are no longer needed, so you could think of it as being like an ongoing post-traumatic response.
I've worked with people diagnosed as having a BPD and the main problem in helping those people overcome their problems is that they can find it threatening to be reminded of trauma that they would rather forget, so if you are able to tolerate remembering and sharing your experiences from the past you are more likely to be able to move on from the daignosis into a more normal neurotic way of being in the world. If you want to understand more then it will be worth your while reading about BPD online, just google it. There is no reason why you should not live a normal life but it can be difficult to move in and out of experiencing the world in ways that are reasonable sometimes but very unreasonable at other times and the shift between the two can be very difficult for other people to understand, especially in a close relationship. If you want to get back into the life of your partner it may be good for you to understand more about BPD in order that you can talk with her about how you sometimes lose the capacity to react resonably and that you want to do something about it, because the more insight you have and the more your partner understands you the more likely she is to be able to tolerate your extreme shifts in mood.
I don't know whether what I've said will help. You don't say whether you have been offered any kind of ongoing support, e.g. from the CMHT? Have a read online about the kinds of therapy that can be helpful for people diagnosed with BPD. It isn't like an illness that can be cured with drugs as such though some of the symptoms can be helped by drugs for some people, but it is often possible to be helped by forms of therapy. It's often about learning to trust someone with your more difficult feelings and responses and to learn to talk about them rather than act upon them.
I hope you come back to the website as the more you talk about how you feel the more likely you are to move back into neurotic functioning and lose the extreme reactions that are typical of BDP.
Suexx
This was really interesting Sue. I have a sister who exhibits those exact symptons. I know a little bit about different types of mental health behaviours and I have often thought she had BDP. Her sense of reality is skewered but because of her BPD (if thats what it is) she doesn't realise she has a problem and has always resisted the familys' help and thinks we are just 'getting at her'. She has no idea of money and will steal and gamble it with no thought of the future. She won't spend it on essentials but on what most of us would term 'luxerous" (know thats not right spelling doh).
I am not asking you for a diagnosis but is that typical of BPD behaviour? Can you recommend a good website please?
And can you get through to someone who doesn't think they need help?
Thanks bev x
Hi,
the Mind website is reliable and there's also info on the NHS Choices website, also the National Institute of Mental Health which I think is US but is also realiable and has quite a lot of info.
As for getting through to someone who needs help, who decides who needs help? If her berhaviour causes problems for other people then they could gently tell her how they feel in response to her and that her relationships might be happier if she talked with someone about what happens, but otherwise it's her choice unless she either breaks the law or does serious harm to herself or others, e.g. attacks someone or attempts suicide repeatedly. Sorry, but she has a right to decide for herself how to live. It is always difficult in families as well, as there is often jealousy and all sorts of reasons why people prefer to see one person as someone with problems while everyone else can feel alright.
Do you have your own ideas about why she is so difficult? If you think it may go back to earlier experiences within the family then she may feel helped by some acknowledgement of that so that she realises you do empathise with her situation, but it may be that she felt things happened that the rest of your family either didn't see or realise, or else that people prefer not to know about.
Suex
No Sue there is no jealously involved here or inward family fighting. I am a bit peeved that you could think so though that is probably my fault for talking about to a stranger...All I will say is that she has threatened suicide several times and also broken the law (stealing all our mothers money). If only it was as simple as showing 'compassion' and 'empathy'. We have and lots of other good emotions too. Unfortunately she doesn't understand those emotions which is why we can't get through to her. Its purely through worry that I asked you.
Anyway I won't mention her again. Thank you for your blog.
Hi
I'm sorry if you thought I imagined there was family jealousy, it wasn't my intention to suggest that but simply to point out that there are all sorts of reasons. You say your sister has threatened suicide which is really sad. It sounds as though you have tried reasonable approaches and they don't work, which I was why I was suggesting that you might just have to let her make her choices in life because unless she seeks help it is unlikely to be useful. If she has broken the law then could you not seek help through the law?
Suex
I'm sorry for snapping Sue, you were only trying to help I know that.
My sister stole all my mothers money.(about 7,000). The family decision was not to involve the police. Mainly because my mum would have to know. She is in care home and would only worry.
My thief sister also had rats about 5 years ago because of the state of her flat. She refused to ring the council as required by health and safety law and bought some of those plug in thingies instead. Yuk!
Her choices cause the rest of us (and people outside sometimes) problems. Because she rarely washes the local store sprays air freshener round when she has been in. I have been asked to have a word with her several times.
Sorry again Sue and thanks for your post.
Bev xx
Hi, There isn't any need to apologise, we're all sensitive about things that raise a lot of emotion. It sounds as though your sister has major problems. Presumably she will have some CMHT involvement or is under a psychiatrist? I guess all you can do is to say to the shopkeeper that you have no influence over her and leave it as that. It must be sad to see someone in the family behaving in ways that do no one any good but probably there isn't anything you can do about it other than make sure CMHT know if she seems to be seriously mentally ill, i.e. harming herself or others in a literal way.
Suex
Thanks for reply Sue. No she has never had any medical involvement. Me and 1 sister have suggested it to her in the past and she said maybe - meaning no. She just thinks of herself as different to other people and unique. Things that apply to everyone else doesn't apply to her. But she has very little insight into her behaviour and doesn't appear to want it. I think if she could only realise that she is unique but in a way that makes her the same as everyone else then she would be on the road to happiness. But like you said that is her choice. She is and will continue to pay the price for that which is sad but there is nothing anyone can do if she doesn't see the need for change for her sake.
Bev x
Yes I have this also known as an emotional personality disorder this is the main reason my children got adopted as they stated the therapy would take a couple of years and was outside the childrens timescales.
For me personally its so obvious now that i had it my whole life there will little signs, but as the expert said there is no way i could have it to the extreme and hold down the jobs that i had that were extremely stressful.
There are a number of options available to you and please dont give up I have done all the therapy and am now looking for work and fighting to stop the adoption of my children.
I am on Venaflaxin which i was put on after the citlapram stopped working, the best news is that now you know what it is you can look at it and deal with it, you may only have 4 of the 10 criteria.
It is also important to remember that its easy for them to just say we have a personality disorder, so the next question is what have they told you they can do to help you, but I know at this point you are in shock and think my god i am never going to be better, the good news is that you can get better yes you may always have this disorder but you will find coping statagies that will help you deal with things, good therapy will actually pinpoint what in your life triggered that thought and help you overcome it, I have had two types of therapy and i would consider myself cured in a sense.
I still withdraw and feel like i am no good for anything and that everyone hates me but i can now accept that its just a bad day and know once i get back out there that things are ok, anyway if you need any help in locating any therapy let me know as its a thing i do for parents that have social services involved in their lives.
take care
Helen
Hi Helen,
Anything to read would be good. I am not yet convinced of the diagnosis as feel it could be severe stress due to financial pressure but thats what the doctor feelsbut does not feel I have a severe case so should be manageable with treatment<6 months.
How long did it take with the therapy for you?
Hi, I'm not Helen, but I thought I would chip in and just say that often things like financial problems causing severe stress are the triggers for the feelings and behaviours, whether there is BPD depends largely upon how much insight an individual is able to acquire into the effects of their behaviour and also the extent to which they are able to accept and use help. Knowing how long therapy takes for other people is unfortunately not much help as everyone develops differently and requires different lengths of therapy and/or support. It may be a case of waiting to see who you are referred to for help and to talk with them about what they think you need. Suex
Hi Helen, I think it's really great that you have had therapy and been able to develop good coping strategies - I agree with you that this is the key to managing the difficult emotions, to find ways of dealing with them that are not destructive of relationships. It is incredibly hard as so often there is a history of abuse and also of social isolation and so the social spport structures are not in place that enable a person to overcome the problems. I'm glad you were able to find access to good therapy, it is important that it is the right kind and the right person for the individual otherwise often it simply contributes to the person thinking they can't be helped and that all health professionals are rubbish which just isn't true. Good luck with stopping the adoption of your children, I do hope you are considered sufficiently well as it takes a lot of courage and determination to overcome BPD and its causes. Suex
Dear Helen,
Do you know if excessive restlessness is a trait of BPD?
Hello ";"
Hi there
Its interesting you say that because that is what i put it down too as well i was under extreme stress financial, an stalking ex, a relentless social worker, lost a baby etc, and i swore it was more to do with the situation that i was in, i did however find the therapy really helpful as i was under mental health and the court had put an expert in to interview me how you actually cope well with an interview 6 weeks after your children have gone into care and its your baby and your mums anniversarys when they question you i am still to figure out.
My therapy lasted about 9 months in total it was only ever at a fortnight and then the last 3 sessions were a month apart, I still to this day think they just like to give labels, i had a little stay on a hospital ward and one girl aged 21 said to me i can tell you what they are going to say you have and i was really thinking she was so clever, when i came back out and said ok so what do i have she said a personality disorder i said yeah that is what they said how did you know she said cause they say it to everyone.
And having read Secondhandrose comments have to say i totally agree with what she says, because its fine to say you have something but not any good if they dont offer any help
Hi
You have had t cope with a lot, I feel for you. It's sad that although you were offered therapy it didn't feel long enough, I think the NHS fails people with more serious difficulties because with the recession there simply aren't enough skilled therapists to meet the needs of all the patients. It is difficult to achieve change with BDP because change is itself what is so threatening to people who have been given the label, often therapy works at one level, perhaps current behaviours, whereas often the diffculties go right back to much earlier experiences and the emotions associated with those. Working with later behaviours can sometimes exacerbate the earlier emotions and leave a lot of anger.
I agree with you about trying to assess you 6 weeks after such a lot of difficult experiences. I guess the Court needed to make a decision quickly in the best interests of the children and also they needed to see how you function when under extreme stress as that's when any danger to the children would be greatest. How you function at a less stressful time would not indicate those risks. But it must have felt unfair as we all struggle when under so much stress.
Yes, the labels are used freely as if they are an answer whereas in themselves they are not, but I didn't say that medics don't offer help. They do very often offer help and most health professionals care, what I mean is that even when they do offer help it is not always adequate for the needs of their patients. Unfortunately the world is far from perfect, most health professionals do what they can but what they can do is limited by time, money and their own problems including the stresses of working within much over-stretched NHS services. Staff find the situation as unsatisfactory as you do but that they are helpless to do much about it and some do become insensitive as a coping mechanism, though of course there will also be some staff who are just unsuitable for the work. I don't envy mental health professionals the task of being held responsible for the wellbeing of people who are in crisis and may be behaving unreasonably or threatening to take their own life, it will be incredibly stressful for them too and they get little thanks. I've been on both sides and feel for the professional in their task but also know that as a patient I can feel as angry as you that it's all well and good giving a diagnostic label but people often need quite basic help such as having the opportunity to form a long term attachment and get advice and help with all sorts of small everyday practical matters; often what we need is healthier parenting. There just isn't that kind of help available as there used to be years ago when I worked in social work and we would offer support before people became ill from the stresses in their lives - it was called prevention but doesn't exist now when everything is crisis led.
Suex
When I moved to Scotland in 2001 I had a breakdown, my brain and body shut down, I developed a list of autoimmune conditions and my mental state was pathetic. I had reached a point where I was saving to go to Switzerland for assisted suicide. Over a space of 5 years my mom died I had major surgery, my dad died, my husband mentally and emotionally tortured me until I kicked him out and the fight really began, more surgery, divorce, then my church group decided I was demon possessed and to finish it off I sold the house and moved to Scotland. Boy no wonder I had a breakdown. Doc put me into mental health stream and over the last 9 years I have taken part in various regions of the system. I did it all! Jan 12 I decided to take control back, I was fed up of labels and with each label came a feeling of worthlessness and rejection. I had spent years pouring it out to folk I felt were better than me cos they had the training BUT they didnt have the answers they didnt make me better! I felt torn apart and no one put me back together again and I was sick of diagnoses that left me hanging in the air. Sod it I thought at almost 60 the SAMH have had 10 years of my life and I felt so screwed up, I am what I am, I am how I am, I've had a shit life because of some of the choices I made but so what? I cant change it or me and I refuse to jump through the systems hoops until they feel theyve re-moulded me. I cancelled all connections and have stopped digging into my brain so much. My name is Jenni, I have a personality disorder according to the profs but hey they aint no different lol.
According to Freud the majority of mental health workers are in it to heal themselves!
Omg Jennieccles you haeve been through a terrible time so awful that I can't begin to imagine it. I think you are so brave and resourceful to have come through it with your sanity intact.
I agree 100 pc with you about labels. I find it helps me when thinking about the past to be aware that I did the best I could and if that wasn't good enough - well tough! And I am aware of that feeling in my everyday life too. It really helps me.
Good luck for your future.
Bev xx
You've had a hard time Jennie, I am glad you are able to accept yourself as you are because that's the best way to health. I think you're right, there comes a point where you have understanding and then just say enough thinking about myself and just get on with living. Suex
Bless you for having the strength to putting your own words on this site.
It will surely give others inspiration and understanding that they are not alone.
You have gone through so much. I strongly feel that we have to go through these life experiences to help others and that is what you are doing now. Well Done.
It certainly helps speaking up for yourself and not living in silence.
I agree about comments the links between BPD and extreme stress, and also about the link to physicians being in the work to heal themselves. I was abused and emotionally neglected as a child but only displayed external symptoms after I had a breakdown as a child. Even then no one noticed so I tried to keep my feelings to myself and appear 'normal' (whatever that means!) although inside I was depressed and felt like I was falling apart. I felt socially isolated. There is no 'cure' for personality disorders as the term means that the development of the person's personality has been altered in ways which make them behave differently to what is considered 'normal' (that word again!). Psychiatrists think the personality differences are due to a chemical inbalance whereas people taking a non-medical view think it has more to do with traumatic experiences during childhood which are repeated in later life and that's my view. The important thing with mental health professionals is that they understand their problems and the effect those have upon the way they function, it's their ability to understand themselves which enables them to identify sufficiently with patients and to understand them in order to be able to help them. If they didn't have their own experience of similar problems they would be unable to empathise with patients experiences, the problem is that so often they deny their problems and see patients as one kind of person and themselves and other professionals as different, as if there is us and them. For me, understanding the effects of my experiences enables me to deal with my feelings in ways that don't make me damage other people by blaming them for how I feel. It's about owning my own feelings, not perfectly but as well as I can at the time. I couldn't agree more, we are what we are. For me, the important thing is to own the negative feelings that my experiences have left me with. So many people with BPD attack people for feelings that are a consequence of things that happened a long time ago in very different circumstances, they see repetitions happening when sometimes there is simply misunderstanding. I think it's damaging because so often they blame the wrong people and destroy relationships that matter to them. Coming to terms with the past is a process of grief, of feeling the anger and pain and eventually letting it go, understanding why people did what they did in the past and forgiving them, though not their actions. My experience is that coming to terms with my past is a lifelong process that involves waves of grief and depression which do gradually become more bearable because I have been lucky enough to find a supportive counsellor, therapist, friend or partner. Most people with BPD are not so lucky, they get what they are offered, which sadly is so often further neglect and abuse by the system which is there to help them. It's really hard to overcome extreme experiences, all we can do is say how they have left us feeling and share the pain of that with other people. That's my view anyway.
Suex
Suex
Hi
I forgot to add that my therapy has continued over a period of 20 years and is still ongoing. At times in my life I've felt like behaving in ways that would have had me admitted to hospital on a section, luckily I had the intelligence to realise that far from helping me that would only make things a lot worse, and so I was able to protect myself and find ways to get the help I needed. I've spent a very large proportion of my earnings on paying for private therapy as at least then I got to choose what I found helpful, but not everyone has the means to earn enough to have that choice. It's a very unfair world.
Suex
I have realised so much about myself from reading these posts. I was a depressed child who grew into a depressed adult. I had breakdown at 19 and was in hospital for 6 months when I was living on my own in London and the system didn't help me at all. In fact it made me worse. None of my family made the journey (250 miles) to visit me once and all I got from my mother was abuse and being shouted at on the phone when I pleased with her to visit me. I learned then that I was on my own in life and would have to manage as best I could. And that no one loved me....
I was never physically abused but emotionally abused and neglected. I understand now that my mother was going through a very bad time with her own problems but the emotional damage to me (and my sisters) was horrendous. Of my 3 sisters - my oldest one is a hermit. She has never had a boyfriend even. My middle one has (BPD) maybe. She has never had boyfriend either or kids. I have had bf's but have huge problems with relationships and have never managed a long term affair or children. The only one who has managed it is my youngest sister who is married and has one child. She despises us for our manless and kidless state. She knows she was damaged too but thinks if she could manage it we could too. I always put that down to her being my mother's favourite and being cleverer than the rest of us.
When I let home at 18 (desperate to get away because of the rows and atmosphere) I had no idea how to relate to people as I had never learned it at home. I had a miserable few years until I decided to watch how other people behaved. I studied them and taught myself how to relate to others. I learnt lots of things that weren't in our home like kindness, love, understanding, caring, compassion, consideration, listening skills etc. And how to be a friend. All those things are part of my nature now thank goodness.
I often feel sad wondering how different my life could have been and how I would have blossomed in a more positive environment.
But I still have my health, my intellect and sense of humour (and good friends!) and count my blessings every day.
God bless you all
Bev xx
Hi Bev
In many ways your history sounds similar to my own in terms of the pervasive feeling that my family didn't want me or love me. That kind of emotional damage is incredibly hard to get over, in some ways it is not possible to fully overcome late in life. Like you I had a breakdown but when I was 11 and for 3 years I rocked and head-banged, stole, played with fire, etc but when noone seemed to notice I realised even that was futile and turned to hating everyone. Sadly that only made me feel worse of course. I only wish someone had noticed what I was feeling much earlier, and wish that for you too, but they didn't and in the end all we can do is to accept what we feel and think and why we think and feel it, and then try to use help that is offered and get on with life. Much of the time I feel healthy, caring and adult, but still have completely irrational child feelings that sometimes suddenly become more than I can cope with, and I STILL have ongoing therapy despite having already had 20 years and having worked as a fullly trained health professional. Things are never easy for someone who believes they were not loved as a child, the damage is pervasive and affects every aspect of the personality, from identity to self-esteem. But some change is possible and certainly with insight and self-acceptance it is possible to form healthy stable relationships and to enoy life some of the time. I'm glad about your sense of humour and that you value what you do have. Suex
Oh I do relate to what you have said Sue. I agree that change is possible but only if you recognise the need for it. I fortunately did.
My irrational feelings come out very strongly when someone in authority ie my boss criticises me. I become all child like and upset. And If I ever get called to the managers office I always imagine I have done something wrong.
Its caused me no end of problems in jobs in the past! Even though I have had CBT and understand it I still react badly to it.
Sigh.....
Bev x
Hi Bev,
Yes, tell me about understanding but still reacting badly! Despite all the years of therapy I still sometimes feel, think and behave as a child. It's so frustrating and irritating to realise afterwards how unreasonable I've been. I guess that's just part of being human, to be irrational at times, but eventually we have to be able to forgive oneself and others. I still feel enraged and destructive sometimes within my thoughts, but gradually I am learning that I don't have to act on every thought, that sometimes thinking something and then moving on is enough.
Take care,
Suex
Hi there can i just say a massive WOW and thanks Secondhandrose and also to hypercat, what an amazing thread to read right through it is so true what they say its only the people that have the problem that help others with the problem they have like on a ward where the staff lock them selves in the office and your told dont get involved with the other patients issues but its the only way you learn and who is going to help them when the staff wont, Amazing stuff so much of this is so seriously like my own life, i must write an introduction somewhere Your Wonderful People and as I say I am Unique there is only one of me and I am proud to be me the good and that bad bits, Thanks so much Sue and Bev xxx
Aw glad to have helped downandout. You helped me too. Your blog really brought my feeling out into the open and obviously stirred things in me which had been festering too long.
This is a great site and I agree the people are amazing.
What would we do without each other to understand us and listen to our rants hey?
Keep blogging....
Bev xx
Yes, it is useful hearing all the different stories and points of view, it helps put things into perspective sometimes.
Suex
Hi, yes I agree absolutely, it's sad when ward staff don't engage on a personal level with patients, often that attitude has evolved over a long period of time and is a response to staff having to deal with so many difficult patients and emotionally draining experiences that then to withdraw is the only way they can cope. They are human too and once it's all become too much in an ideal world they would change jobs, but the reality is that they have mortgages and families to raise and so they continue with the work while knowing they are often not making anything better and sometimes make things worse. I guess in time they become more like prison officers than health workers, it's an inevitable result of working in an overstretched system that expects more and more in less and less time and with fewer and fewer staff. People close off.
We're not wonderful people, well we all are in a way, but also we're not, we're just people with our own experiences and different kinds of understanding of them.
Suexx
So today had been a really good day. I was focused at work and feeling quite calm as i feel the 40 mg of fluoxetine is at the level.
My ex calls and starts saying doesnt want to see me with our 18mth and I can see her on my own or via her mum.
I declined and said we will just leave it just now and she starts flying off at me.
I stayed calm and as i never reacted in my usual way I am now veing condesending!!!!!
My ex wants it all her way and is adamant that never sny chance in the future of us Getting back so i told her fine, move on but you also cut out my 7yr old boy and 5 yr old boy as you cant be part of their lifes anymore as they cant get messed around. She flipped, im not trying to hurt her but trying to protect my kids from this mess.
If only i had sought treatment earlier i would have changed 
Am i being too hard on her or is she being unreasonable?
Hi
No Andy, you're not being uncreasonable and I think that trying to protect the children from the mess is a really admirable thing to do. They will pick it all up anyway and be affected by it but the more you and your ex can manage not to be at loggerheads the more likely the children are to feel able to share how they feel about it all when they need to. However you do need to remember that it is important for your children that they continue to see your ex if they want to - you don't say whether she is their mother but even if she isn't they will probably have some kind of attachment to her and may still want to see her. It sounds like your ex said one thing but also wanted something different which she didn't say in words but acted out by flipping when your response wassn't what she hoped for... all you can do is to hold onto what you want and think is right for you and also hold in mind the needs of your children. It's sad when a couple's problems spill over into affecting the lives of children.
I'm wondering whether you have any support to enable you to handle the effects upon the children as well as the effect upon you? I wonder whether the CMHT will become involved at all as that might be a good source of support for you. Also I wonder whether your ex has any source of support for her as particularly if she is the children's mother that will be important for them too. If she is the mother then will the family court become involved in any custody issue?
I do hope things settle down for you. It's traumatic going through the break up of a relationship and coping with a family at the same time. I hope you have some support around, either family of friends. The website's useful as well I find for having people to turn to when things get difficult.
Suex
Hi Sue, i have a 7yr old boy and 5 yr old boy to my ex - wife S. L my recently split partner has a child with me but was like a step mum to my 2 boys.
Right now there is so much pain for everyone.
I just want to get better for me and then if there is any chance prove to those I love and care about that I am better and happy again. L says she will never take me back but i dont know if thats just her hurting just now or whether she may look at me differently once i am better.
Hi
Yes I can imagine there must be a lot of pain all around. There's no knowing how she will respond in the future, but I hope you are able to resolve your own problems. I agree, it's important to get better for yourself and not for someone else, but if you are happier then you stand the best chance of being a good dad to the two boys and that will bring you some satisfaction. It sounds as though you are being reasonable and are well motivated to use the help youare being offered. Do you know whether you will be getting therapy as well as meds?
Suex
Hi sue,
I understand that therapy will be there for me with a CPN. I feel i understand alot more about myself and have been reading alot of self help sites etc and already have a list of things which trigger my swings.
I feel most are due to financial stress and i am getting on top of that and do feel less stressed and down so heading in the right direction.
That said i know there will be crossroads in my life and its important that i make the right decisions.
I hope some day that L will fall back in love with me but if I am being honest with myself i know that wont happen.
I now need to decide whether i feel i can help raise my daughter to L or pay my msintenance and let some other guy be a dad to her down the line
Hi
I'm glad you will have a CPN, they generally have the very best hands on experience and knowledge and can usually be trusted so hopefully you will find the relationship a positive one.
As for your 18 month old daughter, I guess the future will depend in part upon what your ex does with the rest of her life. All you can do is to be there for your daughter as and when she needs you and to let her know you love her if and when you do see her. It must be hard for you to lose her as well as your partner but it sounds as though you are taking a very mature attitude towards things and however painful that will be best for all of you.
Take care and keep us informed of how things go for you.
Suex
Hi Andy I sort of hijacked your blog so accept my apologies please. It just brought up so many things for me.
It sounds like you are in a bad situation and there doesn't seem to be a perfect solution does there? I think if you always put your kids first then that has to be the main thing. It must be a huge shock to you to get that diagnosis. But it definately sounds like you are dealing with it which I think is very brave. To face up to something like that is very hard.
All you can do is carry on doing your best and accepting treatment. Hopefully that will be enough to get back to those you love.
Please let me know how you are getting on. I really admire you for what you are doing now.
Bev xx
Who do psychiatrists think they are , telling us which behaviour is acceptable and which is not. Some of their own behaviour is very questionable indeed!. Did you know that NO psychiatric disorder can be proven scientifically to exist. The hundreds of disorders are just labels which justify the mass drugging of society. Telling you that you have a borderline personality disorder is just one persons opinion. It is an unproven theory. Ask the psychiatrist to prove it is true and he wont be able to. Dont spend your life worrying about something that cannot be proven by any medical test. I suggest you go to cchr.org and see their view of psychiatry. Remain skeptical, its your life. Dont become a patient for life. Anyone who visits a psychiatrist stands a 99% chance of being labelled and drugged. !
Hi, if you feel psychiatrists and labelling are doing harm you may find it useful to look at the alternative psychiatry magazine Asylum which is very much in favour of the empowerment of patients.
Can i be as bold as to ask if you have experience of depression at all? You don't have to answer of course! But i can't help but feel a little uncomfortable upon reading some of your posts and do wonder if i can gain a better understanding of your comments. I almost feel like you're notifying us that according to science there is no such thing as mental illness. I am wondering in what capacity are you participating in this forum?
Please be mindful that some of your comments may be found to be offensive and/or inappropriate.
If you feel that medication is not right. And psychiatry is not appropraite for anyone, do you feel your opinion is worth sharing, if that of a medical professional is not?
I find some solice in this site, but your prescence here angers me somewhat and i am fearful of the inpact you may have. Personally i find you are potentially having a negative impact in what was a positive space.
Perhaps your input would be more worth while in a debate about mental illness, medication and psychiatry than in a forum of humans seeking emotional support.
I do believe in freedom of speech, but i think one should be more mindful of the impact of their words here more than anywhere else.
Best wishes
I do want to apologise for the tone of my previous message, i think i just read a few negatives posts and got into a bad space.
I persnally find empowerment in that i have these options available to me to chose from and try out and im so greatful that that is the case.
Again, i do apologise in asking what youre here, it was neither my place nor my business. I hope you're ok x
Hi I will take a look at it thanks. As you can probably tell, I am not a believer in psychiatry. I think they stigmatise vunerable people and get them addicted to dangerous mind altering drugs. This is not the right help for a distressed person who is having problems. You may like to watch "The marketing of maddness" at cchr.org
Its very interesting. Mental health is big business for drug companies!
Hi
Yes, I've seen the website before and agree with quite a lot of what is on it, the problem is that if psychiatrists and other health professionals don't take the view they do then what will they be able to offer patients. Ideally everyone needs in depth understanding and care but the realities are that the cost of that is completely prohibitive even when we are not in a recession. Medication does work for some people and can work well in some circumstances, the sad thing for me is that psychiatry offers some good to some people some of the time but what happens to other people the rest of the time can be harmful either because it is inadequate or because it actually does long term harm. I agree about mental health being big business for drug companies, although I took Prozac in the past for a while and it was helpful I'd stay off all medication no matter how bad I feel now, I'm just taking St Johns Wort or using websites such as this, or the Samaritans if I feel really bad.
Happy Christmas and New Year,
Sue
I gave up the meds 11 days ago and feel better in myself for it.
That said i know its a hard slog in front of me and ive lost the love of my life but know i need to focus on my kids and whilst im not ready yet i know by the turn of the year i will show those who know me that i have gotten over my breakdown and those who gave up on me, well thats their loss 
I am pissed just now but then im on my own and know i can do this x
Hi
I just want to say Happy New Year to everyone who's written on this blog. It takes courage to write how we really feel but I believe that every time we do that we become healthier and so do other people. It's not always pleasant having difficult feelings in response to what other people write but if we are all honest then in time it is always helpful. Happy New Year everyone and I hope you are all managing over the difficult holiday period. I'm up and down as usual but do have the support of a much loved person to write to. Not all of you will have that I know, so a special best wishes to those of you who feel alone.
Suex
i feel very sad and alone and have had to deal with alot of trauma, i also beleive that psyhiatrists and medication are there to help us without their help i wouldprobably not be here.they saved my life when i was seriously ill
Hi
Yes, I agree, often psychiatrists and medication are of great help to people. I'm glad they've helped you., They have also helped me too.
Suexx
i would never recommend stopping medication without doctors knowledge. this can be dangerous. anti depressants are given for a reason.they are not appropriate for everybody but if you have severe depression they can be helpful. if i stopped taking all my medication i would be back in meadowbrook.
I agree with the previous blogger, staying off meds if you are not on then can be safe for some people at certain times but coming off them without specialist support or advice can be dangerous. You have to take account of the total situation. Hope things have picked up for you a little. Suex
I really feel for you Andy and everyone else that is suffering with this condition. I have had BPD for years, literally and I assumed it was just me, that is how and who I am but it is only now later in life it has come to light.
My parents suspected something was amiss and I was taken to a psychiatrist specialising in childhood dis-orders. Then I was visited every week by a school psychologist for a few years until I started secondary school. I was a difficult, wild cat right up until adult-hood. It has been stressful, debilitating at times due to the nature of the condition.
It was not until about 8 year's ago, or around that time that my symptoms became worrying, people including grown men would tell me I scared them, The symptoms I had where, irritation, restlessness, voices (internal/ external) mood swings, sometimes violent, outbursts. Depression, suicidal tendancy's, paranoid delusions. There are many more but these are the prominent ones.
I had a mental break-down a few year's back as I attacked my husband, then I tried to kill myself by slashing my wrists with a sharp chefs knife, I still have the scars. I had four police men & women holding me down in a pool of blood. I was sectioned.
Why am I telling you all this? I knew in my heart of hearts this is not the real me! I did not want to be like this, but it was out of my control. I was diagnosed with depression given med's on a low dose, all they did was make me sleep and dopey. I had CBT and came off the meds and learned a new set of tools to help me cope. Still the depression caused me to seriously attempt another attempt to take my own life, I understood the signs went to my GP whom put me on a med at a higher dose and referred me for councelling. It was here I was diagnosed of having Bi-polar, as the symptoms run paralell to BPD so to obtain a definitive diagnoses you have to be assessed in hospital by a psych. He then said no I don't have bi-polar but BPD with depression and another dis-order but I do have Personality disorder.
I am not 100% convinced though I still believe I have bi-polar. But I found the whole process of diagnoses irritating due to the differing specialist opinions. But I work with them and am awaiting further councelling to help me understand and deal with the PD my meds are great, seriously they help me tremendously, I am more calmer don't blow up easily and I am more relaxed and able to look at situations and people with a differing outlook, my husband is still concerned for me and continues to be supportive.
I have made a plan of action know triggers, I am learning every day and i am somtimes taken aback by my re-actions and am able to take stock and congratulate myself for dealing more productively with issues. Don't get me wrong I will never be free of this condition, but I am learning about it and trying differing methods and way's of doing things.
So I would duggest get as much help as you can. Get an understanding of the condition because armed with that knowledge then with help and support from friends and family you can slowly move forward and carve out a life for yourself. It's not easy but is attainable. Meds are helping me, they are giving me support whilst I find solutions and ways around daily activities so don't rule them out. They can support you whilst you get further help councelling, talking therapy's please take heart.
Andy, how you feeling now, what help did you get, did it help, how is your relationship with your daughter and mum?
Naz
Bipolar disorder with hitting out 
Help with eating disorder, triggering I guess? Don’t read if it’ll upset you please
Anxiety disorder
What do you do when you have no support & have to support a dying elderly person?
Im struggling with my life, someone please help me
