my life

hey my name is becca im new to this but i needed to tell my story and get it out

i have suffered for nearly five years now i was pregnant when i started feeling down and alone but i went away for a bit i just thought that i was scared about being a mum.

a couple months after having my daughter i started hitting my partner badly over anything little, when i wacked his head of a radiater is when i know i needed help, i knew that he and my daughter didnt need this after that i was getting better.

but now i feel like its worse i startedd hurting myself to stop the pain on the inside,i feel so lonely and i have started pushin my daughter away whitch hurts more ITS NOT HER FAULT i have wanted to run away loads of time cause i feel that she will have a better life. i feel like i have noone im scared and it feels like noone understands they say it will be ok, i cry all the time. why dose it feel so hard on a day to day bases

5 Replies

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  • Hi Becca,First of all u need to know that u r not alone and there are people who r going thru the same pain as yours.The fact that you have realised that u want to change this, is a great step toward moving forward.I think u need to connect urself spiritually.if u have some people whom u trust,they will be good in this.You need to understand know matter what u r lovable the way u r and this all will pass.

  • Hi Becca

    No you are not alone. Yes you do need help, if you dont take action you wil loose your partner & your daughter & be left feeling a hell of a lot worse than you do feel now.

    You need to make an appointment & go see your Doctor now. They will give you medicatikn & hopefully refer you for councilling.

    Do it today Becca.

    Let us know how you get on.

    Best wishes ((((HUGS))))

    Jackie

  • It does sound as if you have postnatal depression, which is very common and nothing to be ashamed of. Two health professionals I used to work with had sever PND. Do get medical help - see your GP. Medication may help and, if possible, counselling, either NHS or private. If you have family or friends who can help with practical things to give you a bit of 'me time', this should help. I believe there should be a website for "The Association for PostNatal Illness" which may have some ideas. PND can come on up to two years after delivery.

    Thinking of you.

    Best wishes

    Ann

  • Do try to see your GP for help for the sake of your child.You deserve to be treated if it is PND.Try to keep positive and keep in touch

  • Hi Becca

    You are having a hard time at the moment and I really feel for you, especially as you feel you are behaving horribly to people when you don't want to.

    It sounds like you have been feeling really angry for some time as you started hitting your partner, but you clearly felt bad about that so it sounds as though you did want to behave differently towards him. I wonder whether you were actually angry with him? If not, did you know why you were angry, did it relate to feelings from the past, something else that had happened to you? I wonder what your parenting was like, whether you felt wanteed and mothered as a child? You say you can't stop the pain inside, and so I wonder where that pain comes from - it will come from somewhere and be there for a reason, as a response to something that has happened or happened to you in the past - I wonder whether you have any idea what that could be, as something must have hurt you.

    When you say you now withdraw from your daughter, I think that is a way you behave in order to protect your daughter from your anger, a sign of your love for her. It is good to protect her but she will be missing your love and so it is important that you get to understand your feelings in order to begin to have some control over them and start to feel better.

    You say you only started feeling down when you were pregnant and I wondered about the other circumstances around that - whether you had a good relationship with YOUR parents, whether you had a happy relationship with your partner before the pregnancy, whether the baby was wanted by you both, whether pregnancy changed the way you or your partner felt about your body or about other aspects of your relationship changing such as sex - lots of questions, but if I knew more then I might be able to help more with comments?

    Come back and say more if you feel able to, as there are lots of people on the website who will want to help. It can be like group therapy and is free so we may as well all use it.

    Suexx

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