Am i depressed? Am i just wired wrong? Or is this something else?

-- Firstly, it's the first time i've used anything like this --

I don't really know where to start either but, for over a year or two now i've been really down. I feel like i'm carrying double my weight all the time and i seem to be constanly tired or drained. Everything i used to enjoy, writing music, going out with friends etc, just don't seem to bring me joy anymore. I'm sleeping either stupid ammounts (14+ hours) or sometimes not at all. Recently i can't seem to manage to finish a meal either, sometimes only taking 3-4 bites, but wishing i could finish it. I seem to have a really short fuse too, just one little thing from someone can really anger me to the point where over the duration i've really ground my teeth down. Often i get to a point where i feel like i just don't feel like actually living and seem to ache head to toe. Making me want to off myself even more (i tried speaking to my Dad about this but he told me everybody is the same, it's just something you have to live with.) occasionally when i get these extremely low feelings i almost, at the flick of a switch, can become really happy and laugh about the thoughts that have just crossed my mind.

I had councillors in secondary school and college because of my temper and worries from teachers/lectures on things i'd do/say. They'd always tell me to jsut not be negative though or give me the 'how does that make you feel?' answer to everything i'd tell them until the point where i'd get angry at them because i'd have already explained it X ammount of times.

Odd things still can make me break a smile once and while but they're always short lived.

I get remarks from people like 'Always happy/smiling isn't he?' (obviously being sarcastic) and from close friends/family simply 'Miserable c**t' When i can't see a possitive side to something etc.

The main reason i've came here to ask about all this is an increase in my drug and alcohol use. I'm finding i'm using things like LSD and weed alot more or popping to the shop from something and coming back with drink. Just so i don't feel how i usually feel day to day.

I KNOW for a FACT i NEVER used to be like this, infact, people have even told me so. I don't know if it's some kind of 'phase' or if i am actually ill.

I don't know of anything else i can add to this but if you know someone like this or you're like this. Please please let me know what it is? (if it's anything) or ways to deal with it or something?

Thanks in advance, Anthony.

5 Replies

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  • Hi Anthony,

    I'm sorry you feel that the counselling your received in secondary school did not meet your needs, do not worry though your not wired wrong. When we experience negative thoughts or feelings this can alter our physical symptoms and vice versa which may be why you are experiencing problems in your sleeping and eating patterns. This is also linked to altered behaviour e.g. losing our temper. Our thinking, feeling, physical symptoms and behaviour can all have an effect on each other and they are all linked so please do not feel your wired differently, these are all linked in the same way in all of us.

    The fact that you have tried to seek help is a really positive thing as it shows you have identified that this is a problem and are willing to make a change- well done!

    One thing I'm wondering though is if you have considered speaking to your GP? I know this can seem scary but you will not be the first or the last person to speak to them about this and they certainly will not turn you away. They are there to help you.

    If you feel this is not the best option for you or you wish to speak to someone else a bit sooner I would suggest the samaritans 24 hours helpline, 08457 90 90 90. They're also here to help and have had plenty of experience in dealing with situations similar to yours.

    The important thing to remember is that you are not alone. There are plenty of places to turn to. If you would like more information then I'd encourage you to have a look around the Action on Depression website actionondepression.org/

    I hope this is helpful to you in some way and please feel free to ask anymore questions. That's what we're here for.

    Best of Luck,

    Ashley

  • Thanks for the response Ashley.

    I have thought about seeing my GP (kind of worried what they'd say about it all) but, from the link you provided it does seem like a good option. I'll get set making an appointment asap!

  • I'm happy to have helped, well done on taking the next step! I wish you all the best.

  • Hi Anthony

    Good to meet you and I am glad you have found this forum you will get good support here. I agree that it would be a good idea to speak with your GP as there is a lot that can be done to help with the symptoms of depression. I see my doctor regularly and have found him to be very understanding I usually right down questions I have so I don't forget anything.

    With regards to the alcohol and drugs I have been down that road and made things a lot worse in the long run. I am still dealing with the after effects so my advice would be best to avoid.

    You are not alone and it is good to speak with others who will be able to relate to what you are going through a good support network is essential. For me medication and therapy have helped me manage my symptoms and I try and stay in the moment the best I can.

    Keep posting here and let us know how you get on we are here to listen and support you.

    Take Care

  • Hi Anthony,

    I'm so sorry to hear you've had a tough time and that you're struggling to find support.

    The first thing to say though is you are definitely not "wired wrong"! As you've explained, you weren't like this before.. there are a million and one things in your life that will have led you to feeling that way!

    I completely agree with what's been said above. Definitely see a GP and be completely honest (even about the drugs) as they are there to help without judgement and they'll need all of the information to decide what is the best course of action.

    Also, don't take no for an answer. As doctors they will suggest medication which can help improve your mood but also make sure that you get all of the options, and that you feel happy and comfortable with what you decide. Or, if you try something and it doesn't work - - try another thing they suggested. There's free counselling at clinics, self-help meetings for your mood and drinking,medication, behavioural therapy and even boot camps.

    From experience as well, you need to search to find the right counsellor and counselling style for you. I had a few psychologist meetings before I actually found one I felt comfortable with and a style that would help.

    Definitely talk to your GP about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.. or look into finding one yourself (although this can be pricey)... it really helped me because a lot of my depression and suicidal thoughts stemmed from negative thinking. You spend the first few sessions discussing why you're there, your life up until then etc... but then you start doing exercises to help change your thought pattern like writing three positive things down about each day, writing down your negative thoughts and then tackling why you think that way and how to change it. It's helpful because you're essentially the one that is doing the work, so it gives you that power and strength to know you can actually feel better, but with the help and support of someone who won't judge you.

    If your GP isn't very useful then make an appointment to see another one - it sounds tiring but it really depends on who you see. If you really want to make a change to how you feel, it will take work - but you have to use that horrible heavy feeling to spur you on, because when you get rid of it, you'll feel incredible.

    Also, if there is a close friend or family member who you can sit down and explain how your feeling to and ask for their support, it will really help.

    Other than that, and this is really difficult to say without sounding patronising but well done for wanting to make a change.

    I really hope it goes well for you and please let us know how you get on.

    Best wishes,

    Laura.

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