-- Firstly, it's the first time i've used anything like this --
I don't really know where to start either but, for over a year or two now i've been really down. I feel like i'm carrying double my weight all the time and i seem to be constanly tired or drained. Everything i used to enjoy, writing music, going out with friends etc, just don't seem to bring me joy anymore. I'm sleeping either stupid ammounts (14+ hours) or sometimes not at all. Recently i can't seem to manage to finish a meal either, sometimes only taking 3-4 bites, but wishing i could finish it. I seem to have a really short fuse too, just one little thing from someone can really anger me to the point where over the duration i've really ground my teeth down. Often i get to a point where i feel like i just don't feel like actually living and seem to ache head to toe. Making me want to off myself even more (i tried speaking to my Dad about this but he told me everybody is the same, it's just something you have to live with.) occasionally when i get these extremely low feelings i almost, at the flick of a switch, can become really happy and laugh about the thoughts that have just crossed my mind.
I had councillors in secondary school and college because of my temper and worries from teachers/lectures on things i'd do/say. They'd always tell me to jsut not be negative though or give me the 'how does that make you feel?' answer to everything i'd tell them until the point where i'd get angry at them because i'd have already explained it X ammount of times.
Odd things still can make me break a smile once and while but they're always short lived.
I get remarks from people like 'Always happy/smiling isn't he?' (obviously being sarcastic) and from close friends/family simply 'Miserable c**t' When i can't see a possitive side to something etc.
The main reason i've came here to ask about all this is an increase in my drug and alcohol use. I'm finding i'm using things like LSD and weed alot more or popping to the shop from something and coming back with drink. Just so i don't feel how i usually feel day to day.
I KNOW for a FACT i NEVER used to be like this, infact, people have even told me so. I don't know if it's some kind of 'phase' or if i am actually ill.
I don't know of anything else i can add to this but if you know someone like this or you're like this. Please please let me know what it is? (if it's anything) or ways to deal with it or something?
Thanks in advance, Anthony.