I messed up & he broke up with me

It's such a long story....

I dated a man for five years who ended up going to prison. He deceived me and treated me horribly and once he was locked up lead me to believe he was changed. I I believed him.

However, while he was locked up I met an amazing man who was a farmer who just got out of a ten year relationship. We had our ups and downs and when my ex was released from prison I actually got back with him but I lied a lot to my farmer and I hate myself for being dishonest.

The last few months I got back together with my farmer and broke it off completely with the prison guy. It's been hard for farmer to trust me.

Two weeks ago I emailed my ex and sent him some photos of us from a long time ago because I was going through them and deleting them.... I just sent them and said I thought you may want these.

Farmer looked through my emails and saw that I reached out to him and broke up with me. He told me there has been too much deceit and that he is officially done after giving me so many second chances. I didn't cheat. And my intention was not to open the door of communication with my ex but it seems that way to my farmer. I am so heartbroken.

I don't see point in continuing without him. Im 30 and want nothing more than a happy life with children.

I messed up.

I hurt because of guilt and because i hurt him..

[Anti-Depressing]

re-kinderling with an ex is considerd that your still intrested into that person. so the farmer guy has rights to be angry. but i also dont see why he should be going through your emails considering thats your private area. it seems there is a lack of trust like you said. lack of trust relationships will never get you anywhere you dont need to take my advice on this. just have a chat with the farmer and tell him how deeply your sorry and it was not ment to come to any negative outcomes like it has happend.

[Hidden in reply to Anti-Depressing]

Thank you

[Anti-Depressing in reply to Hidden]

you didnt nessarcly mess up. you made a mistake like humans do from time to time. just tell him how much he meens to you and that your gonna only look foward to the future with him.

[Hidden]

Hi Killi nice to meet you and welcome to the site. Can you familiarise yourself with the Community Guidelines please. You will find these under pinned posts on the right. Thank you. x

[WhiteAlice]

Killi, don't beat yourself up so. It's hard to let go of a relationship that meant a lot to you, despite the fact that it wasn't good for you. Then it's also hard to be alone after a relationship ends. It's not always the best idea to jump into a new relationship right away, but it's what we do. Take a deep breath and try to relax. Cry, as much as you need to. Work on you for a little bit, though. Give yourself some time to grieve the losses. I'm in a similar boat, but my guy didn't go to jail. He's bipolar, unmedicated, and has some serious anger issues. Anyhow I couldn't stay any longer & left. I'm still incredibly sad over it, but even though I have an old boyfriend barking at my heals, I keep telling that one I'm not interested. It would be easy to be with him, but my heart & my mind need to heal before I get involved again. So I pray. I cry. I try to move on. I cry some more. I'm getting there. You will, too. Keep talking to us. We'll get you through it.