Just Here

I find myself just wanting to sleep, even if I am not tried. I work 5 days a week and I am fine when I am at work. Even happy it seems. But on my days off I just want to sleep. I have all kinds of crafts that I do, or use to do. I am single and have several good friends, but when invited to do things with friends I usually decline. Sometimes it seems like a really good idea, but then when the time comes I would rather stay home, usually in bed. I was once very active, I did so much people that knew me asked me all the time "when do you sleep?" But now I work and go home and hide. I have 4 dogs who keep me company. This year has not been a good one but, I have always been able to bounce back. Now I feel like giving up. Today is Thanksgiving, everyone I know has invited me over, but once again I have declined. Not sure what to do with myself.....I seem to just be here with no purpose.

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  • Hi there. Without knowing your background (health issues), you sound a bit like me

    with the exception that I was stressed and anxious at work. When I came home I dragged through the basic family chores and then I slept.

    I sure was depressed, but the SSRI´s and stuff like that did not help much. Finally I was diagnosed with chronic stress. The diagnosis did not solve the problem and now I have been home for 7 months (unemployed). I was fine during the spring and summer but towards fall I began to sleep more again. So I guess it is the SAD again bothering me.

    I m going to start in a new job in January 2017 and I am a bit scared! It is a normal 8 hour job and I would like to do something else than just sleep after the work hours!!! So I hope it´ll turn out just fine. I would be pleased just to accomplish attending a gym 2-3 times per week...

    It is good to hear that you enjoy your work but is there an underlying depression of some kind? Do you feel useless after working hours? Do you feel you do not belong? I still feel lonely even though I have my family and friends. I feel as if no one really understands me. I also used to love doing all kinds of crafts and now I feel guilty not doing anything creative. My favorite pastime is to sit and let thoughts come and go as they please. Unfortunately I cannot do that without someone interfering and then I get annoyed (not showing, though). Well,m I hope this is just a phase I am going through during this dark, rainy season with no decent daylight whatsoever. I think I am going to be better when the frost and snow set on the ground.

    Hope you´ll feel better soon, too :)

  • Whatever is your problem you need to make an appointment with your Family Doctor.

    It may be Depression or may be something else.

    Do you feel in yourself that something has gone wrong in your life, any deaths or break ups or problems with friends.

    Do you feel you are having problems at work either to much work or unable to cope.

    You explain you have been asked to attend several Thanksgiving celebrations can you explain why you feel so low to not attend, is there any reason or friction with relatives or friends

    You need to look at your life and ask if yourself what is wrong ?

    B.

  • First I want to say Thanx for taking the time to reply. Yes, alot has happened this year. I am 53 years old and I thought I would be in a different place in life than where I am at. I have been separated for 2 1/2 years and my divorce is finally, done. After 18 years of being married (to whom I thought was my best friend) I found out he had been cheating on me with various women (for most of my marriage, he was a good liar), younger women. I recently changed jobs, Dec. 1st will be a month and it is a great job with friendly people. I walked out on my last job after 3 1/2 years, I mean walked out, when in one morning said here's my keys I wish luck, I am done. I worked for someone who I was really good friends with, but finally figured out that was a load of bull. I have 2 or 3 good friends, but I have slowly started realizing that I have more people around me that care than I thought. Those who know me describe me as a fixer of everybody else, I put on a good front and cry at home alone. My dearest friend refered to me as a faithful dog at your feet, I took no offense, she just meant that I was always the one there to help even after being missed treated by several people I would still be there for them. When I finally stood up for myself I was called many names and accused of a lot of things that were not true. I took it to heart and I should have not. But I live in a small town and still run into those friends (well, not really friends) and have to hold myself back from apologizing to them. But my life has turned around. But I still can't seem to shake the feelings that I am doing something wrong or that maybe I have wronged someone or maybe I am not good enough to do the job I have now. I am my worst critic. My moods go from over joyed to dark and ugly really quick. I am glad to be alive, but it just seems there should be more to life than what there is. But I really miss my artistic side, my hands were always busy with something, painting, crocheting, wood carving, paint sculptures, creating cakes, quilting anything to create. But I just can't seem to get it back.

    I did force myself to leave the house today, had Thanksgiving at the community center ( I live in a very small town, a little over 1100 people) and saw a lot of faces I had not seen in a long time. I even felt good enough to stop by and old co-workers (she still calls me Mom) house and visit with her and her family. I REALLY ENJOYED TODAY. But now I find myself sitting at home at the kitchen table doing nothing.

    My family is spread out all over Texas so we only get together at Christmas. Which at the moment I am looking forward to. My family has always been there for me when I have reached out to them in the past, but I don't reach out often. I don't want them to worry about me, so I put on a good front. I have lost interest in anything that use to make me happy. My art work use to be everything to me, I am a graphic artist by trade, but I have just given it up, I have sat at my drawing table for hours with pencil in hand and nothing happens, it use to be magic.

    Now it's as if I am always looking over my shoulder waiting for something bad to happen.

    I have no health issues, I am over weight but I have even started getting a handle on that. I have lost 30 pounds in the last 4 months and get all kinds of complements on my appearance. So why aren't I happy? I feel like a feller, that I am not a good enough. Just can't seem to shake it. I am on medication, xanna and it does help. I don't take it all the time, just when needed. I have been on several depression medications, meds that work great for others don't seem to have much effect on me. I don't sleep well, very rarely do I dream. I just seem to be here........

  • Also I lost two of my dogs this year. i am a rescuer. My Mother in her great wisdom explain to me that people, animals and such things are on loans to us. My Percy (a stray that just showed up at my house) took part of my heart when he died, of blood poisoning suddenly. But my Mother pointed out he came to help me through a rough time in my life. He showed up on my door step 45 days before my husband walked out on me and died exactly 30 days after my divorce was final. It's almost as if I lost one of my children.

  • You have had a rough time, with your loss of dog, the divorce, and changing your job. The problems with several of your friends must be really heartrending.

    Yes you have a positive relationship with family members and that must be a real comfort for you

    You seem to either wear your heart on your sleeve and sometimes the victim.

    It is a good thing you are trying to change the past and introduce yourself to a new positive life.

    When I walked away from my troubles and fears it was a fear as I thought what would happen if everything went pear shape, I was lucky my life changed and all the negative feelings disappeared and I found my new life very liberating.

    Go and complete your planning and enjoy your changes, we are never to late to move on and start afresh. Be brave and go for it, never again feel you may be a victim I would not be happy been told I was a like a friendly dog running around at their feet, although I suppose you like dogs as do I. We have a Rescue Collie called Pax who is brighter than His mam and Dad

    Keep a hold

    B.

  • I just read your story, you have been through a lot and so you shouldn't feel bad for taking the time out you need to process stuff. The fact that you are going to work every day and enjoying it is really important....well done for not giving up there.

    Go see a doctor to see what they suggest. I do think you need a little help medically for a short time and some talking therapy to help to heal.

    I struggle to make myself go out sometimes but I force myself and when I do I really feel better for going. You maybe need to do the same until the feeling of wanting to do something sticks.

    Hope it all works out

  • Thanx, for the encouraging words. Thoughts of others don't bother me, but thoughts of those I thought were my friends, hurts my heart sometimes (most times).

    You both sound like my best friend, she keeps telling me to chill out. Stop expecting so much from myself, because I have been through a lot this year. I just want my life back to normal. I already have a Doctors appointment, the end of next week and going to talk to someone as well. Hoping they can help me put things into perspective.

    I love my pups...don't know what I would do with out them. They make it worth getting up every morning and coming home every night. Less 2 makes my house seem a little emptier, but I still have 4 of my babies.

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