I am 43 years old.
I have suffered from low mood and depression since my mid 20's. I used to use alcohol as a way to self medicate the depression, of course this only made things worse. I have a lot of guilt towards people I have treated badly as a result of drinking.
To cut a long story short, I left my job, moved abroad, and got divorced. I would say that after that my depression probably worsened. This to me was the final massive slap in the face. I was at a loss as to what to do next. Thinking that I had tried everything to change my life circumstances I hit rock bottom when I realized that this had done NOTHING to alleviate my depression. In fact moving abroad brought its own set of problems with it.
In addition I have also suffered from pre menstrual dysphoric disorder (severe PMS). 10 days before menstruating every month I suffer from crushing lows, suicidal thoughts, apathy and just terrible depression that at times I just cant do anything. I finally went private to see a gynecologist who suggested antidepressants.
So I have been on 20mg of Fluoxetine for about 2 years now. I think overall there has been some improvement but definitely not a marked improvement or anything near a recovery. In fact, I am not really sure if the anti-depressants are actually working???? Should I still be feeling rock bottom every month? I am confused because one Dr I went to said that I would feel "wonderful" on prozac. Another Dr I saw dismissed the idea that that the anti d's would dramatically change my mood and suggested that people are often dissapointed with anti d's.
The other thing I have to look into is some sort of hormone treatment to balance out my emotions at that time of the month. I cant take the contraceptive pill as it makes me even more depressed!!!
I would just a like a shot at something resembling a joyous and stable life.