Am I relapsing?

Hi, my name is Dave. Just wanting to bounce something off you. Sorry for the life story you're going to read but I need to establish background. I've suffered with depression since the age of 15 and self-harmed at the time so severely I scared myself, and stopped when I was 17, yet I went undiagnosed until 21 without medication as I refused to consult a doctor. I briefly took a medication I can't remember the name of before deciding it wasn't for me for whatever reason and went without medical help again. When I was 25 I attempted suicide and was hospitalised. I was then given citalopram and again stopped taking it without consulting advice. I was then hospitalised again after a psychotic episode when I was 30 after I fell under many delusions I won't go into in detail here as it will take too long. I started taking olanzapine, which I've since stopped taking as I showed some improvement under medical advice for once, and fluoxetine, which I'm still taking. However recently, I've started noticeably shaking when people pass me by in the street, am reluctant to leave the house unless I absolutely have to, am becoming irritable and short tempered, have increased my alcohol intake, have interrupted sleep, am exhausted after work (as I work 12 hours shifts admittedly) more than normal, am seeing movement out of the corner of my eye that isn't actually there, am obsessing about half-overheard conversations, and have decreased appetite. Now, this is possibly the stupidest question ever asked on this forum, but what do I need to do? Would appreciate any advice.

Thanks

Dave

6 Replies

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  • Hello David, The first thing I noticed is that you don't stick with treatments for very long, and it's not a good idea to stop taking meds on your own.Your recent symptoms I have myself and I ignore them because I know they are nothing but anxiety. Anxiety is uncomfortable but you can learn to control it. I have been through counseling , behavioral therapy, and I take anti depressants. I still have some symptoms, but nothing I can't live with .On occasion I will experience a bout of depression that is shorter and less intense than it used to be. If I were you I would find a Dr. I trust and tell him I would like a long range plan toward recovery. I would stick to it for at least 6 mo. and then reassess the situation.You may start to feel better before that but I would stay with it. If you quit too soon then you have to start over. First you have to find meds you can tolerate and then start your long term plan. Taking action will help you feel you are in control and of course you are. Alcohol is the wrong medication by they way as are street drugs. So tell me what you think. Could this work for you? Pam

  • Hi Pam, thanks for replying. I have been listening to the professionals now for a good 2 years, so I've got over that hurdle thankfully. I'm still taking my medication, I only stopped the anti-psychotic on medical advice but I'm still taking the anti-depressant. I think you may be right, as I had a course of CBT that I didn't complete, although to be fair, the guy wanted me to wander into newsagents and ask if they sold petrol, as asking "stupid questions" is ok, at which point I tuned out. Not to say I didn't take anything useful from the sessions but he lost me at that point. What would this long-range plan involve out of curiosity? And I take your point on alcohol btw

  • I'm afraid that guy would have lost me at that point also. I have my own stupid questions. Any way a long term plan would have to come from your therapist and that's why I saw a behavioral therapist, they listen to what's going on right now and they give you advice, choices you can make in your life. I found it very helpful and it's what got me going in the right direction. You do have to find someone you can relate to because you'll need to trust this person and I don't know how your health system works. i saw 2 before I found the 1 I liked. Then it was an hour 1-2 times a week. We tried some hypnotherapy and some written testing. It was a relief to have someone to talk to who could tell me what to do and knew what I was talking about. Do they allow interview appointments ? Pam

  • You need to stop alcohol biggest depressant going., I drank when I was low it makes you worse, it stops you sleeping which in turn adds to the downward spiral., take strong vitamins especially B1 alcohol strips you of all your vitamins, which adds to the depression., go to the doctors & get antidepressants & stick to them they can take 6-8 weeks to start working & worst thing you can do is stop taking them without withdrawing slowly., Go to the doctor asap., there is no shame on being on antidepressants I have been on them for years., you would be surprised at how many people are., I wish you luck & a happy life., I feel great now once I stopped self medicating., forgot to say lots of fruit & veg 👍

  • Hello Dave, after reading Sweetiepye's advice I Suggest that you follow it. You need a long term treatment, I am convinced that the alcohol is adding to your shaking, disturbing your sleep patterns etc. However I congratulate you for sticking to your job. Do you have a friend or partner who can give you support. I to suffer with anxiety and take long term medicine, I take Pregablin for anxiety and disturbed sleep. See another doctor and ask for support to help you. You will get better soon😊😊

  • Hi Dave everyone has given you great advice, I have had BAD depression all my life so I know what you are going thru. About twelve months ago I developed anxiety due to some very sad things going on with the family anyway my doctor took me off the antidepressants I was on and put me on Cymbalta which works wonders for anxiety and depression. Wishing you well,

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