I don't know what to do anymore

I'm 44 and lesbian. So what, but it'll help things make sense. I was in a committed relationship with a woman on and off for a few years (until the last time she cheated on me with her ex. She was supposed to come help take care of me after my surgery! Instead, she went to her ex's and left me feeling lower than low. Fast forward to a year ago. She was back at it...trying to get both myself and her ex talking to her againn. Telling both of us that she had nothing to do with the other. So her ex and I started talking. At first it was just about the lying, narcissistic bitch...but then we developed feelings for each other. She was so kind, easy to talk to, just wanted the simple things in life. We were together until she disappeared and she finally answered my texts 5 days later. She was with our ex. Told me she was so sorry for lying to me, that she loved me but not the same way I loved her. You have to understand that her and I talked alot about how we would never do to each other what our ex did to us. And when I give myself to someone, I give everything. I put my soul into it. I'm just so fucking crushed. She told me she'd talk to me so I could have closure. It's been over a month now and I'm still waiting. She KNOW how this feels, because we've both been through it. I just feel like I got hit by a mack truck. Like there's no people like me left in the world...and if there are, I'll never meet them. Why is it so hard for people to be honest, say what they feel and mean what they say?? I'm trying to hang on. I'm just so tired of fighting.

12 Replies

  • You can only control your own thoughts and your own actions, not anything that others do. So if you want to feel better, you must let this go, forgive both girls and move on. To continue with this thinking will torment you and really mess you up as it seems unlikely that the others will ever comply with your wishes as to how they should behave.

  • I know that. It's just so hard.

  • Goldfish has given the exact advice that I was going to offer.

    I will add that no one can make you feel a certain way, it's only that we allow them to make us feel this way.

    Let it all go, don't try too hard as this isn't really letting go, forgive as much as you can and if you can't, be happy with that. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to completely forgive. Sometimes, we get hung up on trying to do and be the right thing. I understand the betrayal and lies are hurtful but time will help to heal all things. They deserve each other and always remember that you deserve better.

    Stop the fight by giving it up to the universe. If you believe in God, give it up to him. Whatever suits.

    I hope one day, when you are ready, someone truly wonderful and worth waiting for comes along.

  • It's hard to top the already stellar advise you've been given, but I have a friend who has problems with closure, and I feel I have a little more to add.

    She wants to know why people refuse to tell her why they no longer wish to be friends, or why they've treated her a certain way. It eats at her, just like it is eating at you. You'll never get the closure you want. They are justifying their actions in their own minds. They might thrive on the drama, at least, your first ex sounds like she would.

    You also have to remember that no one willingly wants to walk into a situation that makes them feel like a bad person. You need to look forward instead of back.

    That being said, I'm sorry that you got caught up in a toxic love triangle, and got hurt. Time to meet some non toxic, mature women.


  • Hi I am not sure this is the right form for you as it is not a relationship site. This is a site for sufferers from depression. Do you suffer from this? Have you seen your doctor for a diagnosis? Can we help with it?

  • I would definately describe this lady as depressed,who ever has not felt depressed when someone they pinned all their hopes to let them down?? I know i did... twice! im not a member of the LBGT community (not sure of the abreviated lettering,forgive me if i got it wrong) .heartbreak is the same regardless of the persons sexuality/identifier.Please hang on ,better times are aheadthey always are,better to be alone than to be lied to and hurt thus.Get yourself out there againfind new hobby or interests and dont let this horrible occurance change who you are as a person.Goodluck .

  • It's natural to feel terrible when a relationship ends, but it is part of life and not unexpectedly depression is part of it. Depression as an illness is very different to this though and is a serious illness which usually necessitates medical help.

  • I know exactly how you feel, I felt like that 8years ago when my ex left, she had been cheating on and off for years, but I kept having her back, because I thought she had changed, but also she helped me with my problems and disability. When she left last time is was shite, really hard, but after a few months it was easier, but I still needed help, so I got direct payments from my council, just over 1,100.00 a month, it pays for my care, it pays for groups I attend, towards my cleaner and gardener, and now,,,,, I am so glad I'm single, I miss it sometimes, very rarely but I don't think about her at all. If you still need help and support why not ask for an assessment of your needs by a occupational therapist, the you may get direct payments to cover cost of care , and help with home plus social events, even holidays.... Take care and wish you well. Please take no notice of the post above, we are a community and have own problems, its good to share and get advice, especially if its to do with help for personal/health reasons. xx

  • I'm still not sure why u felt the need to announce you are lesbian and that it relates to your story....it doesn't. A relationship is a relationship, full stop. I am so sorry you are feeling this way, but I do wonder if you are comfortable with yourself; maybe this is fueling your depression and not your relationship break up?

  • From what i understand,lesbian relationships are extremely intense,perhaps it is the dynamic of two women verses the traditional duo pairing. That has made this ladys depression so bad.for all we know this lady could be undiagnosed but still depressed never the less.We are all depressed prior to diagnosis are we not?What matters now is that she is Depressed.not how long she has been so..My daughter is bi and she explained this fact to me ,re breakups with girls being more painful.It may not be the case here but i suspect that is why lesbian status was mentioned rather than the lady feeling uncomfortable with her sexuality.Im straight and not uncomfortable, are you? why should she be? We live in different times now thank God! best of luck to this lady all heartache mends ,it may not seem so at the timebut each day you will feel stronger.Love you firstthen try again

  • My question was genuine. I was only trying to look at this from a different angle. Personally I don't have a problem with anyone's sexuality whatever that may be and I don't feel the need for labels; why would you? If you read on here any relationship is intense and breakups are excruciatingly painful. To say one type of relationship is more intense than another is ridiculous, it depends on the person, not their sexuality.

  • im certain that this lady understands what i mean.I hope she feels better very soon.

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