Should I be honest with girl I have just met about my mental health?

I'm in a situation and don't know what to do for the best. I've recently been giving dating a try, it's taken a lot just to get to the point of feeling ok about doing it. I find it quite daunting and stressful. I've been on a few dates, some good, some where there was no chemistry.

A few days ago I went on a date with an amazing girl, we had a great time, seem to click and I managed to relax enough to enjoy the time I spent with her. We've been texting and we both want to see each other again this weekend. But now I'm worrying about my anxiety problems, it's like I'm worried that it will come out and ruin everything. I'm wondering whether I should just tell her about it instead of trying to hide it. But then I'm scared she'll be put off and run a mile.

What do people think is the right thing to do? I'd be really grateful for anyone who can offer advice.


10 Replies

  • Hi,

    Well done for taking a big step. How does your anxiety effect you? Do you think that if you tell her about it you give it more power?

    I started a new job, and no one knows that I have suffer from anxiety and depression. I got a fresh start. You can have one with her too.

    I need more information before I can make a fully informed decision, but potentially at this early in the game, I wouldn't say anything yet. Let her get to know you first.



  • Thanks for you reply Lori,

    I know it was quite a broad question, I'll try to explain a bit more. Basically my anxiety fluctuates, so that sometimes people wouldn't know I have a problem. However sometimes when I feel anxious it can make talking to people difficult, I can feel very uneasy and awkward, I feel hot, sweat and feel like I have a spotlight on me. I've had therapy and this year I've really pushed myself, putting myself in lots of situations I find difficult and on the whole I have done really well.

    Yes I feel in two minds about it, on the one hand I don't want to bring it up and focus attention on it, and I do feel it's like giving it power. But on the other hand sometimes trying to hide it makes it feel worse and like I'm trying to keep a lid on it and it could pop out and then ruin everything and she'll be left wondering what's wrong.

    But I'm inclined to not bring it up and see how the 2nd date goes, if things do go somewhere then I would definitely tell her but maybe for now I should focus on trying to enjoy being around her.

    Once again thanks for replying, it means a lot to have support.

  • Hi I agree with Lori it's far too soon to be hitting her with all this and you might scare her away. Wait a little while then just casually drop in that you suffer with anxiety but don't make a big deal of it and play it very low key. x

  • Thanks, Coughalot2, I think maybe you are right, it's a bit early to mention it and it might make her feel differently about me.

  • You are very welcome love. x

  • Hi there, Just want you to know that I too suffer with the exact same 'social anxiety'. I agree that it is too soon in your relationship to reveal your feelings and anxieties.. you need time to get to know each other first. You want her to get to know who you are and not who you 'feel' you are. All I would recommend at the moment is to try and put yourself in situations where you feel the most comfortable for your first few dates..nothing too overwhelming....keep things simple and calm. This could be anything from attending an exhibition, picnicking on the beach, taking a stroll in the woods..anything that gives you an opportunity to talk to each other about likes and dislikes according to your surroundings. In time, it will feel natural to talk more intimately, only then, would I suggest that this would be a good time to divulge more, if necessary. Hope this helps and I wish you well, : )

  • Hey, thanks for your reply, and I sympathise with you also having social anxiety. The first date I was incredibly nervous but those nerves soon went partly because we clicked and I felt so at ease around her.

    The thing is we've been texting today and she's suggested going to a pub quiz at the weekend because she's away until Sunday night. I was hoping to meet her in the daytime at the beach or something where I'd feel more relaxed. But I've agreed to meet up, mainly because I really want to see her again soon and didn't want to pass up that chance to see her.

    I just hope I can be calm enough to enjoy it and not feel overwhelmed by the situation.

  • Well, I'm really pleased for you and I know you have done the right thing to agree to meet up with her again even if it is on her terms as, in a way, that takes some of the pressure off of you having to organize anything! : )

    Whatever yo do, don't have a drink to relax before you go to meet up - really bad idea! All I can really suggest is to keep things light - if you're not good at pub quizzes, don't worry as I don't think that's important - she just wants to meet up with you again and that is very flattering : )

    Have you thought about putting a 'comfort pebble' in your pocket? If you start to stress maybe just feeling a smooth beach pebble in your pocket/hand can distract you...,,

  • Thanks Fi3h, I do lack self belief and confidence in myself sometimes. We will probably have a drink while we do the quiz but we're both driving so anything more is a no no.

    Thanks for a great suggestion about a 'comfort pebble' I actually have lots of pebbles I collected from beaches over the years, so can take on of them.

    Is that a technique you've used before?

    Thanks for everyones support on here, it means so much and it's helping me. :)

  • Yes, the pebble technique has helped me in certain's also easy to explain away as you can always say you found it on the beach that morning etc. I like it how nature can help you with simple things, like I write my tyre pressures on a shell which I keep in my car as I can never remember them when I go to pump up my tyres!

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